anxiety

[Abigailmay]

I’m a single mother of an adult daughter, with learning difficulties. She suffers from anxiety. I was hoping for some advice.

Car has to go into garage tomorrow for oil change, she thinks we will not get it returned. I have explained and explained, but she is so upset, as am I and thoroughly exhausted.

[Annabellelily Community friend]

I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s very difficult to manage this kind of situation, especially as someone else’s mental distress can often start to overwhelm you too.

I have some quick advice, which may not work as every person is, of course, very different. What I like to do when dealing with a loved one’s anxiety, especially when it’s over something that appears to be somewhat ‘illogical’, is to ask them why they feel that way and to see if they can explain their feelings in as much detail as they can. This, I’ve found, can help your loved one talk it through and come to the conclusion on their own that it may not be an issue worth such a panic.

I wish you and your daughter well and hope you’ve both managed to find some peace tonight. 

[Abigailmay in reply to Annabellelily]

thank you

[InclusiveZoom]

What does your daughter enjoy? We provide Zoom sessions for people with learning disabilities. We aim to have a good time!

Here's a Zoom link for Dance on Thursday at 5pm

Zoom join link: us06web.zoom.us/j/87680637342

We have many other Zoom sessions - do please check out our website and choose anything you think she might like. It will give you a break too as she will be having fun with us and you can have a bit of free time! We hope to see you, Carol 😀

[Picklebum1946 in reply to InclusiveZoom]

this sounds good

[InclusiveZoom in reply to Picklebum1946]

You are more than welcome to come along. We run Zoom sessions every day - I can easily send you free trial links. Do check us out on Instagram/Facebook to see the sort of things we do! We would love to welcome you, Carol 😊

[colleenfred]

I'm sorry that you and your daughter are distressed. I agree with Annabellelily about talking about her feelings and fears ( if your daughter is able to communicate this to you) as a possible option. Sometimes, just letting a person say everything out loud can help a little even if you can't offer a solution. Also, talking about what is the worse thing that can happen and discussing this possibility can sometimes alleviate things. I understand, from personal experience, that the situation is very wearing and you yourself can feel dragged down into all the negativity and feel at a loss. I hope things improve for you both.

[FragileXmum]

Both my sons are also affected by anxiety, more severe for my youngest who is just coming up to 31. The best way we've found to approach it is by lots of talking ahead of significant events/changes, and also visual aids. As an example - He is going to London next week to see a couple of shows that he's so excited about but a couple of weeks ago became really agitated and said we should cancel everything, he didn't want to go, hated the favourite performers he was so keen to see, etc. We knew this came from deep anxiety and possibly not being able to visualise what a night away in London might 'look' like for him. I kick myself for not having thought of this before he became stressed about it, but then made him a little leaflet with lots of pictures about the routine of the trip - the train time, a photo of the start and destination stations, a photo of the Travelodge where he'll stay with his carer, pictures of the two theatre venues and performers, plus the return train details etc. Thankfully this took away all his anxiety, he's carried it around with him ever since, used it as his 'news' item at his weekly drama group, shown it to all his carer team, and seems to be helping prepare him for this massive adventure. Phew.... It works for him, so maybe something similar could work for your daughter. I know various charities produce helpful literature to do with anxiety. We downloaded a document from the Cerebra centre, here is a link to the webpage for their parent guides: cerebra.org.uk/get-advice-s...

Good luck with finding good strategies to help your daughter, and take care.

[Picklebum1946 in reply to FragileXmum]

hi my young person of 22 suffers from anxiety she had a block of sessions for cbt was taught strategies to handle the panic attacks and anxiety now this seems to be not working now

She shouts at the slightest thing everything is my fault I’m really at my wits end she has pdd adhd and anxiety disorder attends college never in bed before early hrs of morn also now I have probs getting her to bath etc and clean her teeth so our home is like a battleground !!

[Abigailmay]

thank you for all your helpful replies, greatly appreciated

[Steve__]

One of the posts sounds like the "social story", which can be googled. I sometimes drop a lot of ground work in the preceding weeks (if I know what's coming up), eg pointing out other people's cars coming back from the garage. Stories with a full and happy ending can give them the whole picture (which you already know) to focus on, instead of the worst bit.

The emotional base of the anxiety may of course be based in something else.

Giving them a sense of choice can help, eg where shall we go to after we get the car back...

Good luck 🤞