10 year old daughter is violent, towards me, self harms and threatening to kill me whilst I sleep

My daughter's behavior is getting more aggressive and I don't know what to do. Over the summer holidays it's been OK, but she is such a slob, trashes her room and throws litter ever where, threatens to and often breaks expensive equipment, such as phones, PC's etc with fits of range if she doesn't get her own way, which is usually over expensive new toys or days out she demands. I lost my job back in mid July when I was made redundant and have barely been paid anything by the Universal Credit, so have had the most boring summer. She was used to being taken out and bought stuff, but now I can barely afford to buy food or pay for vastly rising fuel bills.

She is highly intelligent and gets all A grades at school, apart from PE that she hates. We are in deep trouble with the school as her attendance is appalling as she refuses to go in on PE days. I suspect she has aspergers/high functioning autism, but don't know where to get help as I'm terrified that they'll try to give her the deadly clot shots as they'll deem her as vulnerable. I have a total fear of the NHS because of this and daren't go near any hospitals. The local doctor was useless, as I had to take her with me and she would of beaten me up if I said anything to the doctor in front of her, so I couldn't get help there.

Today was her first day back at school and we had a massive fight in the morning trying to get her in, so ended up being a few minutes late already on the first day. I spent most of the day tidying her room as it was such a mess, but when she got back she saw her room tidy and totally laid into me, punching, kicking, foul abusive language and death threats. She broke her plastic bin and scratched all her arms and legs with the sharp shards and ended up with bloody gashes all over. She was threatening to cut her neck open and insisted that she throttle me to death. Luckily she doesn't have PE until Thursday so it might all heal up by then. I really don't know how to handle it all any more, I'm at my wits end and feeling pretty suicidal, what can I do for the best? 😱

[Jofisher]

You would need to go to the child community mental health team your G. p. Should refer her.

[SpeedyH]

Your daughter sounds as though she is desperately unhappy. I hope you manage to get her the help she needs.

[Eeviee]

Hi there. Your experience is very troubling and doesn’t bode well for the future unless you can get your daughters behaviour under control. You will need a diagnosis to get help so start by getting an education and health care plan in place as this will identify all of her needs. This is not an easy process but get started asap. Secondly look into behaviour management and search out charities and organisations that can help with this. Your local authority should be able to give you some support as they should have an in house team. Thirdly I watched countryfile on BBC on Sunday and saw an amazing charity working with autistic children and dogs. Check it out as it really could be your daughters life saver. Dogs for autism I think it was called. Animals are very therapeutic for autistic children and this charity did amazing work with a 11/12 year old who was verbal and intelligent but who has challenging and controlling behaviour. Good luck

[Silverelephant]

It sounds like both of you are having a terrible time, please don’t delay in getting support. Please make an appointment with her school, she doesn’t need to know. Share with them what is happening and ask for support. They can help you access the services that you need. They will probably advise your gp so explain your fears. Hopefully they have support in school or can access support for your daughter to help with her anxiety. Wishing you the best of luck.

[FlashGordon77]

I used to work in adolescent mental health it could be a few possible diagnoses.

You need to ask the GP to refer her to CAMHS (childrens mental health service) asap. Also contact the school and ask if they have a SEN Co-Ordinator or a pastoral lead you can talk to about her behaviour. Is there a local Carers group in your area? You could access support for yourself via there from parents in similar situations and find info re benefits to check you’re claiming all you’re entitled to. You can’t carry on like this, this isn’t your fault and you both need help and support. Do not tell your daughter about who you’re contacting until you get any appointments or services offered. Good luck x

[Mybestfriends]

I agree with Flashgordan, you really need to seek help for you both Gp, School & CAMHS, you can voice what you are not wanting/worries, eg. Clot injection i think you mentioned.