PLEASE HELP!!!

[AmyAnn33]

My partner was diagnosed with Autism and ADHD when he was approximately 13 years old.

I understand that people with certain conditions find it hard to live in today's world as they don't fully understand what's happening, whether it's something that they're being told or whether they have done something wrong and haven't realised it.

I'm hoping someone will be able to provide me with a bit insight as to how I can help us and our relationship as I don't know and/or understand what I can do to help him deal with issue's/situations. And/or how I can try diffuse a situation before it happens.

so any help and/or information would be very much appreciated.

As I'm running out of ideas.

Plus I have never been in a relationship with anyone who has been diagnosed with Autism and ADHD before.

[SpeedyH]

Hi there. You don’t mention whether your husband has a learning disability or not. Mencap is a charity largely supporting people with Learning disabilities rather than learning difficulties (conditions like ADHD). Some people with learning disabilities also have autism or ASD so someone on here may be able to point you in the right direction but I would think that the National Autistic society helpline would be a good starting point.

[LDAutie in reply to SpeedyH]

hi AmyAnn33 welcome to the group.

and hi also speedy!

it doesnt help that theres a lot of services out there who lazily use learning disability as a label for learning difficulties like ADHD and neurodiverse disabilities like autism,it confuses the public.

mencap has wrote about what learning disability is and what learning difficulties are, you can find them here:

mencap.org.uk/learning-disa...

mencap.org.uk/learning-disa...

AmyAnn33,

i dont know anything about relationships but i know of a couple of autism groups i can recomend that havent been talked about yet here.

in terms of autism,learnign difficulties and other neurodiverse conditions i rreally recomend a big facebook group called aspierations and autieness, youll find autistic and non autistic people have been threw just about everything there so you will find others to relate to. my old friend runs it,shes a great person as she does so much for the autistic community,out of all the sites i think its the best autism service on the internet as she does vet who uses it.

i stopped using facebook a long time ago but if you do want to use the group and need any help getting onto it please feel free to private message me.

-theres an autism forum though it a neurodiverse message board and can be used by people with other neurodiverse conditions,it is called NDSA. its a forum ive used a bit but wasnt able to relate to people on it as i have learning disability as well as autism and i am non verbal/speech impaired,i still woud recomend them as when i had gone on there it didnt really have any bad sides to it,mostly nice people. : ndsa.uk/forum/ and looking on the relationship section theyve got a couple of videos that may be of help to you:

ndsa.uk/content/relationships/

hope this helps.

[SpeedyH in reply to LDAutie]

Hi LDAutie. Wise words from you as usual. 🙂

[Inside]

Hi AmyAnn33, my daughter was diagnosed with ADHD last year at aged 25 and throughout her young life I always felt she had ADHD but couldn’t get anyone to listen as it’s harder to diagnose in girls. No behavioural issues when she was younger but lack of sleep, disorganised and scatty but very bright. She’s had difficult times but is much better now she is on medication. Sleep can be a problem and she is trying to help herself and now makes notes and recordings in her phone to remind herself to do things. She has got quite a good career and tries hard to focus. She finds mundane tasks difficult e.g. packing a suitcase, cleaning, tidying, it’s not that she’s lazy her brain works differentlyI found a couple of really good psychologists who are experts on ADHD (American) on Tik Tok, helped me learn a lot and there are also quite a few people who post on there about their experiences which was interesting also on You tube there are some doctors/lecturers who give advice.

There are quite a few of really successful famous people with ADHD which some of them say has helped them be so successful.

I wish you all the best in your new relationship.

[jazzy15]

Hi,

I'm part of a family with multiple ages ASD & ADHD

What area of the country are you? If you haven't done it already join National Autistic Society, from there you may find local charities, support groups, look for groups on Facebook, people on twitter.

I have found support for adults & their families is sparse.

As far as coping mechanisms, first thing I'd look up about autism & emotion regulation - you will find it's a common struggle & then various ideas for strategies to manage it a little.

Then look at autism is general, and the triad of impairment, then though most of what you find is aimed for children, it's all still relevant, strategies aimed at children can work for adults too.

Then do all the same for ADHD, look up ukADHD I think it is.

Take a look into the sensory side & the processing, some issues might come from something as simple as a sensory overload, frustration from that delay of getting it, also look up anger rumination.

I could write so much, but I think if you look up these things it will lead you to other aspects.

I am signed up to the mighty which is full of useful info mainly from peoples personal experience.

I will just say for both I have always found everything starts with routine, organisation, use visual lists & planners, planning for change, keeping things familiar, its what I class as my base. This then just helps me manage the issues that can crop up that are more out of my control.

Think of things like going on a day trip, it's something fun, but for a lot ND, it can be stressful, change of routine, don't know what to expect, a new place, new sounds, new smells etc.

If you ever want to message, ask questions, off load, I don't mind. I can sometimes take a while to reply especially atm as I have a house renovation going on, 1yr into it.. & it's playing havoc with our routine, organisation & plans, so you can probably imagine what that is doing to this household of neurodivergent

[Galwaybay2]

Amy, also seek out writing/research by Simon Baron Cohen to understand more on autism.

[CoyoteU]

I don't think that you can always anticipate situation so it may be best to deal with things as when they arise and try to look at things from both sides.

[Dandyman01]

I suffer from Depression/Anxiety and I am an honest guy but, I am lonely. I hope to link up with ladies under 50 with some disabilities as well. I am not sure what to do though.