Im new and need advice

[gillpowell]

Im new here and wonder if anyone else has gone through the same thing as me - my brother has learning disabilities and our mum has gone into a home permanently he is 68 and lives in mums bungalow in Peterborough everything is in her name which is his home. the bungalow will need to be sold at some point but I have not found any where else suitable for him to live and he understandably says he wants to stay in his bungalow. He cant read or write or understand money or bills or tell the time or anything legal - he doesnt go any where and I visit him once a week and he gets meals on wheels as he cannot work the oven or the microwave. He can make a drink and toast or a sandwich for breakfast and tea that is all - I call about 4 times a day to make sure he is up and when he has to go to bed and when to have a bath and clean his teeth as he has to be told when to do things and he does not clean his teeth properly - I live 45 mins away and still work full time. Do I have the right to make him leave his home when I find somewhere or does he have to be evicted to make him homeless he will be very upset and stressed and so will I - any advice or will adult social care need to get involved he has no support or carer other than me thanks Gill

[Sarah_Mencap]

Hello Gill

I am very sorry about the difficult situation you find yourself in with your brother.

You raise a lot of questions that might be very difficult to answer on here. So many issues to do with mental capacity, social care, money/benefits and housing depend on where you live, your brother's needs, and yours.

Please do call Mencap's helpline and talk this through with one of our trained advisors. You can call 0808 808 1111, or email helpline@mencap

I will also ask the helpline to have a look at this post and reply if they can.

A few other ideas from me:

- does your brother have a social worker or a get support from the local council? It would be worth seeing what they would suggest

- have you heard of SIBs - it is a charity just for siblings. They offer a lot of support to adult siblings. Have a look at their website here - sibs.org.uk/support-for-adu...

- taking on a caring role can be hard, particularly if you don't live nearby. There is a lot of support for carers. Please do see if there is carers centre near where you live (it doesn't matter if it isn't near your brother - they are there for you). They will be able to offer practical support and give you the chance to meet other carers if you want to.

Best wishes

Sarah

Mencap's online community team

[gillpowell in reply to Sarah_Mencap]

Thank you Sarah Adult Social Care are reluctant to get involved especially at the moment- he will only get a social worker when one is needed at the moment they are happy for me to do everything once family are involved they take a step back and let you get o with it - I will keep searching and will contact them again they might eventually listen once restrictions are completely lifted Many thanks Gillian

[49Twister in reply to gillpowell]

Hi gillpowell, that’s exactly the point, they will just let you get on with it, but you have to be quite assertive and forceful in dealing with them. This sounds quite a tricky situation so you will need some good legal advice from someone possibly a solicitor, I really can’t advise you there. Just a thought but has your mother made a will with instructions for your brother to remain living in the house for the unforseeable future or any reference for him to continue living there as you said that is his home, sorry no offence meant. Your brother isn’t your responsibility but I get you feel responsible, I would too, so difficult. As he is 68, I don’t want to presume your age but you may be similar age, and as we all know everything is so much harder as we get older. As Sarah has suggested the CARERS Centre in your area is a good starting point for support and advice. I highly recommend them, if they don’t know they will do their utmost to find out who would know, so definitely look them up. All the best sorry I can’t be more help but keep us posted.

[gillpowell in reply to 49Twister]

Thank you 49twister the will states he will get a small percentage that is to go into trust for his care so the bungalow will need to be sold and yes I'm 65 and due to retire soon so this is wearing me down I had a feeling I would need a solicitor I will keep getting on to adult social care as they must have dealt with this scenario before thanks for your help

[HolisticMum in reply to gillpowell]

Hi Gill, it could be a handy tool to book yourself for one of Mencap's Wills & Trust Seminars. I think there is one coming up on the 22nd July.I have 2 boys with special needs who are totally dependant on us as their parents. They are non verbal too. Even though I'm trying to do the Trust for their future I am finding it hard to know how they would stay in the house that they are familiar with after we're not here, unless there was some loving person who could run it all as a business. Sometimes Councils put more problems in your way and they are very quick to want money off you. I am over 60 now and feel in a constant state of anxiety about their future.

You sound like you are doing so well with your brother.

Good luck with your plight. KT

[Kieran_Mencap]

Dear Gill, thanks for getting in touch. I suggest you contact our helpline, we can then ask one of our information and advice officers to contact you as there are various issues. Lines are now closed but you can call tomorrow on 0808 808 1111 between 10am - 3pm, alternatively you can complete a web form:

mencap.org.uk/contact/conta....

Kind Regards

Kieran

[Dandyman01]

Hi Gill,Sorry to hear the problems you have but, if SS is involved, they will have their own plans which may be against your's and his.

He has the same disabilities as my son but, they LIE and say "P has got FULL CAPACITY"... lol. as a result, we have NOT seen him in 8 years. They say "This is called Autonomy and learning how to make his own decisions and be Independent". In doing this evil crime, he has become Obese, a Thief and a dangerous sexual predator who has been ARRESTED and is now locked up under DOLS God knows where.

[49Twister in reply to Dandyman01]

Dandyman01 So sorry this has happened to your family, it’s really shocking, so sorry.

[Dandyman01 in reply to 49Twister]

Thanks for your concerns twister