Adult Learning Disabilities back to college

[Dalfie2020]

Hi all,

I hope everyone is doing well during this time.

I’m just wondering if anyone has had any experiences with their sibling/sons/daughters going back to college? My sister is 30 and doesn’t have a lot of options for activities. I’ve found a course I think would be perfect but I’m just conscious about it affecting her support that she gets at the moment and potentially be a bit too much for her as she hasn’t done anything like this for 10 years or so. So I was hoping to get any similar stories or experiences to give me an idea whether to go for it or not.

Thanks

Natalie

[ulrichburke]

Dear Dalfie.

I've got learning difficulties too, so this is purely my outlook on your question, not one based on any training.

From personal experience, make sure the course is something SHE wants to do, not something you've TOLD her she wants to do or she's doing to please you. If it's not the first way, if it's not something she wants to do for herself, she won't see it through.

Secondly - again from personal experience - you gotta walk before you can run. I've come across 2 kinds of idiot teachers. Those who coo praises at you for spelling your name right (gimme strength!) and Mr. Myway or the Highway! As long as she's understanding what she's doing and getting the results, her way of doing it is every bit as valid as the teacher's way. If there's reasons like the teacher's way is faster, and she's still doing it her way, timing is everything, I feel. Let her get her confidence up so she knows doing it her way will give her the right answer. Then walk her through the teacher's way - slowly, making sure she understands - at least sorta - what's going on without patronising her - I HATE the 'Ooo, aren't you CLEVAH!' moments! - and show her the answer's the same. Then she can use one way as the main method and the other way to check it out. Personally I don't think it matters which to her is the main way as long as it achieves the right result.

Thirdly - again pure personal experience - I've got Asperger's amongst other disabilities. But my other disabilities make me look/sometimes act - 'weird' and I've had nightmare problems with others because of it. I don't know what your sister's disabilities are but I DO know other disabled people can be utterly merciless if they think they've found a way of getting under your skin. If she goes quiet when you ask her about the class, that COULD be the reason. It could also be one of the idiot teachers has decided to just concentrate on those finding the course easiest and to leave the others to sink or swim of their own volition. Which of course is totally bassackwards - those who can't swim are obviously those who need the help, the others can just be given stuff to carry on with. Now I'm NOT saying your sister won't be one of those who finds the course easy, please don't get me wrong, but I'm thinking back over all the nightmare teachers I had who took the mickey mercilessly out of me for doing things my own way because I didn't understand theirs, or asking questions they thought were dumb. They even used to get the others on their side against me because they thought peer pressure would 'pull me into line'. Not sure how common those kind of idiot teachers are these days but make sure she tells you if she's in a class with one of those.

Finally - I don't know what your sister's disabilities are but I do know from my own experience that able-bodied honestly hate anyone with a disability and suppress it so it's a kind of festering fear within them. Then they suddenly lash out for no apparent reason. I've had loads of that and I wouldn't wish that on your sister, so if she starts not wanting to get the bus to College, get on it with her and see if there's a couple of regular travellers she shies from, or if she's looking around and looking relieved because they're not there. There's buses I don't go on unless I know certain travellers aren't on them first.

Hope the above helps. None of it's training, it's ALL born of MUCH personal experience! I've got Asperger's, Cerebral Palsy, Dyspraxia and Hydrocephalus.

Yours respectfully

Chris.

[Sarah_Mencap]

hello Dalfie2020

Thank you for posting. Going back into education after a break can be challenge, but it is great that you have found a course that may suit her. Finding a suitable course is often the time consuming part.

What does your sister think? Is she keen to give it a go? If so, it would be worth contacting the course provider to talk it through. They may also be able to let you know how this could affect her other support (as suspect it will have come up for other students before). They will also be able to talk to your sister about an additional support she might need during the course.

There may also be other options that your sister may want to look into, such apprenticeships. There is a page about this on the Mencap website - mencap.org.uk/advice-and-su...

If your sister, or you, would like to talk to someone about this contact our helpline on 0808 808 1111 or email [e-mail]. It is free and our advisors will be able to talk through your sister's options.

Please let us know how your sister gets on.

Best wishes

Sarah

[I_am_a_sibling Survey Community friend]

Hi Natalie, really good question. Lots of siblings out there look for things their brother/sister might enjoy doing and it can be difficult to know what to go for/what would suit. I agree with Chris and Sarah that your first point of call is to see what your sister thinks and feels about it. I wonder if the college would let you have a careful and pre-arranged visit? I appreciate they might not be doing open days at the moment, but if there's a way that you can see how your sister gets along with this, it might give you both a sense of how you feel about it and whether it might work for her. It can make a difference just being in the environment and seeing how it feels. Let us know how you get on, Fx