Dealing with meltdowns

[DavidG17]

Hi,

I have a 18 year old daughter she has severe LD and awaiting a assessment for autism.

She has had massive problems with not being able to keep up with her friends as they are now using social media, we did let her use a controlled fb account but didnt want that so made her own on her friends phone and ended up speaking and meeting a stranger 7/8 years older asking to be his boyfriend after a 5 minute conversation. She is extremely vulnerable and wont accept she needs the help we have had some massive meltdowns over last few months saying we destroyed her life because the police had to be involved and she loves this man and she physically attacks me and her mother and siblings and her meltdowns last between 4/8 hours at a time she is medicated but it does nothing and more recently we had social worker come out and say her younger siblings are at risk and if she isn't removed soon we will remove them.

She does have her own social worker and LD nurse but they are unable to do anything as they say everything is her choice and if she doesnt want help then shes a adult and they cant do anything

Me and my wife are utterly devastated and mentally exhausted is their anything that anyone can suggest or someone you think we need to speak to???

[Sarah_Mencap]

Hello DavidG17

This sounds so stressful. I am very sorry you and your wife are going through this.

You mention such a lot of different issues in your post. You have a lot going on. It would be great if you could call our helpline so you can talk to one of our advisors on 0808 808 1111 (or email [e-mail] if you prefer).

I would hope the social worker would be able to be more help. If you feel that the social worker doesn’t take your concerns seriously you may want to contact the local Safeguarding Adults Board (SAB) directly through the local council website. Here is a bit more about safeguarding - mencap.org.uk/advice-and-su...

I know your daughter's relationship is not necessarily the main issue here but there is a lot of information about this on Mencap's website that you may find helpful - mencap.org.uk/advice-and-su...

A final thought, a little while ago we had an expert event on there all about challenging behaviour. There may be something that might help you in here - healthunlocked.com/mencap/p...

Best wishes

Sarah

[Stormycrystal]

So sorry you are having a very stressful and worrying time. Redicously the law says they are adults at 18. The only way you can do anything about this is having your daughter assessed for mental capacity. If she is deemed not to have mental capacity then you are able to make the decisions for her, if she is deemed to have mental capacity your only option really is to place her in supported living. Which may be good for her and you and your family. Girls can be very challenging and I know how stressful having social services being on your case can be when you are trying to do right by everyone.

I wish social services saw the bigger picture rather than ticking the boxes.

I have been there myself so know how terribly awful it all is. Good luck and keep strong. 🙂

[Pogul44]

Hi DavidG17

It's been just over a week since you posted. I see you've had a couple of responses and hopefully you've found some useful support by now.

Regrettably you are in a very difficult situation because your daughter is considered an adult in law and you no longer have parental rights to protect her as you did when she was a minor. In my view this is a failing in the care act. Yes, vulnerable people need to be treated with respect and dignity, but I don't understand how it can be acceptable for a vulnerable person to be able to self-implode because they have they have turned 18 and should suddenly be able to make such huge decisions on their own without any guidance whatsoever. The consequences are potentially so destructive for them and their families who have protected them up to this point. The Care Act also bangs on about decisions being made in the best interests of a vulnerable person, but how this can this situation be in their best interests given the potential consequences. Families should be supported and not hung out to dry. Sorry if this seems like a rant but I feel your pain.

I can see there is potential for abuse so the following link may be useful to give you guidance on things to look out for in the future:

scie.org.uk/safeguarding/ad...

Entering the following into your internet search engine (Google, DuckDuckGo, etc) brings up a list of links that you may find useful to read:

vulnerable people mate crime

What is Mate Crime?

There is no statutory definition of mate crime in UK law. The term is generally understood to refer to the befriending of people, who are perceived by perpetrators to be vulnerable, for the purposes of taking advantage of, exploiting and/or abusing them. This can strongly be associated, but not exclusively associated, with people with a learning disability, learning difficulties or mental health conditions.

Being as informed as you can be on the different types of abuse may enable you to have a more useful conversation with the Social Worker. Although they should be fully aware anyway it does enable you to ask relevant questions. Perhaps you can have a meeting with the social worker, LD nurse, and your daughter to help her understand your worries and help her make more informed decisions. I realise this is not easy but this approach may help her and you and your future relationship and reduce the level of conflict.

I do not know how old your other children are but the following link may be helpful to them:

sibs.org.uk/supporting-youn...

This is a website for brothers and sisters of disabled children and adults. The link above takes you directly to the section for supporting young siblings and there is a section that provides information to parents of young siblings.

Other sources of support might be Carers or Learning disability charities:

Carers UK

Carers Trust

Bild

Your concerns are very real and valid and I wish I could be of more help.

I hope your situation improves soon.

Best regards