Anxiety and Anticipatory grief

[missyrand]

I wanted to share an email I have just sent to my adult children. Some may be helpful to all of us. I know writing it helped refocus me:

I've been thinking about all and each of you so much, so I thought I'd write.

We are all at increased risk for impact of the chronic and pervasive anxiety of living with the unknowing and changing daily rules for engagement right now with the Corona Virus.

One of the reasons we are more susceptible to having a larger reaction is that our reserves as a family are low: we have been living with anticipatory grief and anxiety because of Wayne's illness for years, and now with his death/ Ruth's death/ Billy's death we are worn down. So much loss. And now we face additional loss and worry about jobs, school, exposure, and for our family members working as nurses. We are more heightened in our radar, and less equipped in our responses because we are tired and more depleted than many others around us.

I want to say as your parent that I love you, I wish we weren't here, and that we will get through these days. You are resilient. We will keep helping each other. It may take more effort and time for you to cope through the NOW, but we will.

Take the time you need. Acknowledge how you feel, but make choices then to prevent it from running your life. Turn off the news. Stop listening to anything Trump says because he is a medical moron. Limit your discussions about the CV. Share more about how you are feeling and what you are doing that helps. Limit what is not helpful (like too much alcohol...) Keep taking the walks and working on puzzles that keep your anxiety in check. Add in other walks in the day. After you finish a puzzle, wipe it down and mail it to a sibling. Keep a journal. Check in with yourself and someone else to share 3 good things that happened for you today and skip sharing the stuff you can't control. Do some yoga. Rake the yard, plant some flowers, paint a picture, play a game, cook something new with your partner/ roomie, listen to a funny podcast (share the link), get lost in a book instead of your headspace. Ride your bike, go visit a museum online, focus on the meaning in life that is important to you. What have you been putting off that you could begin taking steps with now?

Call/ Zoom/ Facetime others and practice these same mental and physical approaches so that you create a community around you that is positive and moving forward with you. Call your parents/ grandparents/ write letters! Set up "watch a show/ movie/sports re-run (I'm thinking the UVA NCAA championship game from last year) together" time, then Zoom to discuss it. Play Words with Friends on your phone. Tell the rest of us what else turns out to be helpful. Just know all of it will be better than helping me pack or unpack

as I prepare to move.

I do love you, so very much. Write back what else is helping you so it can help us all. Finding a way to have meaning in these days is a worthy effort. Miss Scarlett also recommends taking a cuddle nap as calming.

Love,

mommy/missy

[strawberryjam]

Beautiful. You have such wisdom, are eloquent and are so valuable to others, your family and friends as well as those of us on Healthunlocked.

[doulagirl]

Thank you so much for sharing, you are so eloquent, it is always a delight to read your comments. Know that we are with you in your process ❤️

[HSsweetheart]

So good to hear your voice and thoughts Missy. I hope this move is good for you.