Depression Stereotypes

[pearl033]

I shake my head at society, why must it be this way?

They rarely check up, my family…and when they do it’s because i asked them first. “Hey Tia, how’s your body feeling n how’s work going? How are the kids?”.

They know i’m suicidal.

So why is it that you’re so busy with your life to the point where our messages are dead silent for months on end until i spark it back up so desperately?

Why have i gotten so used to you guys not checking up on me that i feel if i end my life that y'all will regret not doing so.

It kills me and i can’t leave the ball in your court yet because im afraid to lose y’all.

My family is all i have, no friends no nada like that.

So if i leave y'all to realize what you’ll b missing out on then i’d just have myself. I guess i’d be stronger if i do it alone, or maybe I’ll crash n burn.

The thing is Mom, i wanted you to want to get to know who i am now. I wanted to build that relationship with you bc we never really had one. But you chose to give your time to men who don’t deserve you.

You might think i’m okay from the outside, i don’t want to hurt you with how i really feel.After months I got out of bed and started working like a dog for some flammable paper that i could care less about. Depression can look like anything from rotting in bed to working constantly, from taking care of yourself to neglecting your own needs.

So yes i just transferred my depression into working so much to the point where if i'm not working i feel like i’m not being productive.

[Existing]

Wow, I hear a lot of anguish, and the need to feel cared about, feeling like you have no one to turn to when you need to the most. That's a painful lonely place. I have absolutely no one who knows me now, and my mom was my closest support, so losing her made me feel a lot like you're describing, except there's no one to say this to. Its clear that your relationship with your mom has been less than you wanted and needed from her. Have you shared your feelings about this with her, or with anyone? Your post almost sounds like the letter you might want to write to her. Even if you think it won't do any good, or she wouldn't care, im not sure thats true. But even if it is, you need someone to hear you, and it gets worse holding that in. Maybe a therapist, and possibly putting effort toward new friendships and connections with people beyond your family. And i know how hard that is for me too.

[Hidden]

I hear you Pearl. Are you getting any treatment (meds, therapy, etc) for your depression? Your condition sounds very serious when you're having s- thoughts. Pls seek mental health care as soon as you can. Overworking yourself will only lead to burnout and worsen your depression. Recovering from such a dark place is so very hard. It took a while for my family to somewhat understand (or at least believe) the severity of my mental illness. My Mom eventually understood when she got a call from my psychiatrist (at that point my dr was either going to call the cops to check on me or call my parents). Since then my family, esp my Mom, has been a great support to me...I hope yours will eventually give you the support you need. Take care.

[PoseyLane]

Yep! I agree 100% on what you're saying. It is maddenig. My family does the same thing. I did end up in the hospital and my sister came to the ER crying. I told her to dry those tears, because she never ever made time for me. She knew I lived alone and was only 1 mile away - she had time for her friends. Then in the hospital the nurses and doctors looked at me like I was a piece of crap. I actually blame our society and the powers that be that do not put MH on par with all other illnesses, because it is just as bad. If I see one more cancer commercial and stand up for cancer....yes that is important, but nobody has money to give a platform to mental illness? Until mental health is made to be on par with all other illnesses society will not take it seriously and insurance will be allowed to barely cover it. I needed help from my mom - she turned her back. Again, my sister doesn't have time. My husband is pissed off all the time. I get it. I really do.

[Sunrisetabby]

Big hugs and positive vibes to you. The universe needs you, the world needs you, we all need you. You sounds like a wonderful person. Why don't you make some friends, or a friend, or two? For me, depression and darkness was me losing my light, my spark, my will to do anything. I did't have any friends because I didn't like myself - I hated myself. Then I learned; I am still trying to learn, to laugh at myself and smile and exist and try to help other people, because I know that it helps me. What makes you happy, even if just a little bit? Or even what makes you just a little bit less dark. For me, it is a struggle but just moving, walking, preferably in the woods helped to turn the tide. I walked and then I got tired and then I slept better, and I felt the sun, and I watched the silly deer feeding, and nothing changed and everything changed. Family can be tough and frustrating but you have to keep trying and trying and trying. The sun will come out tomorrow and the next day and the next.