Real bad morning.

[PeaceNeed]

I cant take it anymore its like my mind wont stop beating me up negative ...negative...negative...depression ....anger....anxiety....past trauma....it just wont stop....

[fauxartist]

What have you done in the past to get through this crisis?.... try and breath, remember that depression is a disease that lies to you, it's the great deceiver. It makes you think stuff is happening that may be, but it amplifies it....and sometimes we have to just sit down and start to process what's real and what's not....all those feelings are validated...write them down, and with each one think about what makes you angry, because anger often comes from the frustration of an unresolved issue. Stuffing our feelings often causes anger.

You mentioned past trauma.....when something happens that just shocks your psyche to the core...our brain just cannot deal with it...and it stays with us in many ways depending on the trauma. Child abuse, physical abuse, a great loss, PTSD, CPTSD....all these things contribute to the severity of depression. Depression is chemical, it's out of our control, we didn't cause this, and we didn't do anything to deserve this...it just is...no different than any other physical issue. You don't just get over it. The same with trauma and abuse....we have to get to the root and start working through it piece by piece, it takes time....but on our own, this is difficult...and if you have any access to therapy and can find a good fit in a therapist to guide you through the process that's best.

Knowledge is power....writing is cathartic....and any kind of positive self-expression helps you build yourself up to deal with this stuff. But reading others posts and comments, seeing what other people are doing and have done to help in a crisis may give you ideas on what to do for yourself...your not alone

[PeaceNeed in reply to fauxartist]

Had it all recent abuse, looses: friends, pets, housing security.It caved me in. Tried breathing. In therapy, taking drugs.

Everything harder when ur older alone and isolated.

[fauxartist in reply to PeaceNeed]

It is harder when we get older...I'm turning 70 this year and feel like I finally have some kind of semi-balance and am happisher, but I can't think about the why not's and only ifs, it's just a slippery slope for me...all I can do, all we can do, is take today.

[PeaceNeed in reply to fauxartist]

Ive had many people tell me to take it one day at a time. That is a skill I wish I could cultivate. I turned 64 in May. Last six years have been awful.

[fauxartist in reply to PeaceNeed]

I'm sorry, and I empathize as only another with this monster of a disease can understand. We all have a story...and sometimes even talking about it helps. Just remember....this disease is a liar and a thief... you didn't deserve this, it's not your fault, there is no shame or blame....and you cannot just get over it....but even within the last ten years my life has gotten a little better....there is no cure....I still go down the rabbit hole as for me this disease is cyclical, but now I know I will come back out of it eventually...So don't give up, fight the good fight, find that one thing your passionate enough about to help keep pulling you through this. This isn't just another B.S. fob off....I mean it....what makes you happy that is positive, if you just allow yourself to go there for a moment of thought...

[PeaceNeed in reply to fauxartist]

I had hobbies and interests. I gave most of my possesions away in a bad depressive impulsive fit. I tried to get involved in art. My mood wont allow me to enjoy anything.My external enviornment dont help. Im alone in a dangerous neigjborhood.

[fauxartist in reply to PeaceNeed]

I'm sorry your feeling stuck....and I won't try to blow wind up your skirt about meditation and diet and all that other crap...it's obvious your beyond that at this point. But if I may...you stated 'your mood won't allow you to enjoy anything'....one thing you are doing regardless...is your trying....right now, your reaching out...one thing that is positive reinforcement your doing now is writing...it's cathartic. If nothing else...keep doing that....write about everything your feeling, and what ever else your comfortable with. You are anonymous...no one knows what you look like, where you live, or anyone you know unless you tell them...your basically a voice on the internet....so you can share and not worry who you know is going to read it. It's your own power being taken back a bit from this monster of a dark passenger .

[PeaceNeed in reply to fauxartist]

I just sent my brother a text pleading with him not to throw me to the curve like the rest of the family. He wont even consider renting a room to me...Id give him my whole disability payment to get away from where Im living now and every cent I ever saved.

[fauxartist in reply to PeaceNeed]

I'm very sorry your in this situation, and that there's no reconciliation to living with your brother....I will tell you though that there are so many 'rent a room' situations that may work for you that it may be a good time to start doing some homework looking for the next best thing. We cannot change people, places, or things, only how we choose to deal with them....and that means we have to make choices, change sucks but it's always going to happen, good or bad, we can move forward to maybe something even better than we ever expected. If you keep looking at the closed doors behind you....your going to miss going through the open ones in front of you.

Best wishes...

[mydogs in reply to fauxartist]

Thank you fauxartist the reply to Lonepain I hope will really help me to try and get over this horrendous long term depression 👍👍

[fauxartist in reply to mydogs]

Hope is all I really have...and someday they may have the 'Magic Method' to cure depression and addiction...but until then....it's up to us to survive and fight the good fight together...I appreciate what you said, and thank you.... we are our own warrior in this battle...and we need to give ourselves credit for the fact we have to do more than others do, just to get through the day...it's a struggle on top of existing conditions in this world today that make it so easy to give up....keep hope in your heart...you will survive.

[Marysblue]

So sorry you're going through this right now. Just remember it will pass ,things will get easier. I went through something like that Sunday night and Monday morning. I finally got out and went to the library and I got my mind off it for a little while and it got better. I think sometimes we get in a toxic shame spiral. Mine was brought on by family and talking about the past. I needed to get out and do something normal, everyday and it broke that pattern. Best of luck. We are here for you. You don't deserve this, you deserve better, can you do the opposite, do something nice for yourself?

[PeaceNeed in reply to Marysblue]

Thank you for responding.

[PeaceNeed in reply to Marysblue]

Thank you. Im stuck in past its like every thing Ive experienced for the last 50 years is coming back to haunt me.

[Marysblue in reply to PeaceNeed]

I've heard depression is living in the past, anxiety is focusing on the future. If you could try to stay in the now. I know it's hard. I watch a lot of Eckhart Tolle and Michael Singer YouTube videos on it. They ve helped.

[PeaceNeed in reply to Marysblue]

I know ur trying to help. Right now as I text this Im in the middle of a blind panic......I just sent my bro a text pleading with him to let me stay at his place in the burbs upstate.I couldnt work. Last 20+ years been in supported housing. I was basically institutionalized and didnt realize it.

Now everything over the past 6 years has gone downhill. I WANT OUT of this lousey set up.

Im the only person left from my family in this state. No one wants to deal with me. I DIDNT ASK FOR THIS!!!

[Marysblue in reply to PeaceNeed]

When I get in as much pain as you seem to be in, I call a crisis line and talk about it .it seems to help me but it might not help you though. You can also text these warm lines. Sorry you're going through such a tough time. sure hope it gets better soon.

[PeaceNeed in reply to Marysblue]

When it comes to crisis lines Im a regular customer. Im old now alone physically and emtionally sick. With no stable foundation.

[Herewegoagain12]

Hello lonepain. I'm 57 and have been dealing with severe depression and anxiety for mdd and gad. I also have stage 4 kidney disease. I wake up most mornings questioning whether or not I can handle the day. And whether or not I'm worth the financial issues it's causing. I ask God every night to help me understand what he's waiting for me to do. Life can be lonely, people just don't take the time to help, or call or visit. I'm taking zoloft and buprion. It helps me stay level during the day. Try leaving your bedroom curtain open and watch the sunrise or sunset. It's so beautiful it always comforts me. I'm around if you need to talk.

[PeaceNeed]

Thank you. Its very hard for me. My housing situation not stable. Add to that physical and metal health issues and I have an intolerable situation.

[Shivam19]

I understand what you are going through mate, that voice in your head which doesn't let you sleep, constantly tells you how shit your life is and how you been wronged by luck and God. I'm yet to win fight against depression but one thing I have learned is that these negative thoughts won't go away unless we seed the positive thoughts ourselves in our heart. I have been told forgiveness will allow me to let go off the anger, hatred I have towards the people who have betrayed me but I just can't embrace forgiveness, my heart is not ready to give forgiveness to people who aren't even sorry for what they did to me, it's not in my core, and thus the hate keeps on growing. And I have also been told that we are cause of our own problems, and maybe perhaps it's me not letting go off hate that keeps on reflecting back to me through every corner

[PeaceNeed]

I have alot of hate and anger true. I reached out for help and was victimized and humiliated by the mental health system.Add to that rejection by family. Even talking about it like this mite not be helpful.

Ive done some wrong things in my life and am beating myself up over that.

When I get up in morning I just ask God and Jesus to please just get it over with already.

[amychris]

I couldn't relate more!!

[SosoSad]

I'm so sorry you're feeling that way right now. I've SOOOO been there. You're not alone, my friend. Hang on.