I don’t know where these thoughts should go. Probably not here; but square pegs tend to fit in round holes with a big enough run-up. There’s a tincy bit of collateral damage in the process, but nothing a public apology can’t fix, right? Right. So we’re all agreed then. I put them here. Again.
I used to be a serial C25K-ist, but kept falling apart like a clown’s car during week 6; I’d be happily running along, minding my own business, and one of my wheels would go rolling off and upend an old lady walking her poodle. Third time around, I REALLY f... f…lipped it up by offending someone with one (or more) of my posts (and we all know we can’t go around offending people), so I stopped posting but carried on running out of sheer spite (it wasn’t spite) and went full-on Forrest Gump. I got to 5K and thought, “this just isn’t enough for me” (the film version of this blog cuts here to a montage of me relentlessly training) and pushed myself to 5.98km.
Maybe that missing 0.02km was the catalyst of some chain-reaction-nuclear-fission-type event that made me vow never to run short again, and in consequence just had me running further and further to fill the emotional void? Probably not because I made it up for comedic effect. I do that sometimes.
It’s actually based on half-truth though, as my plan was to come off the back of C25K (which was in December 2020 I think) and then train for a 10K, but there were a couple of limbo weeks over Christmas and I ended up tacking on so much extra distance that I thought 10K was an undershot, so went for a HM instead. That’s when the slippery slope really started, and I found myself marathoning and ultramarathoning, even squats, lunges, stretches….dieting, not drinking! The whole thing got completely out of hand.
I think when you get to the point where you need to run further because you don’t feel like the distance has sufficiently crippled you physically and/or emotionally, it’s time to admit an unhealthy addiction. But, hey, that’s for another day! Today we start training for Race to the Stones 100K in July.
The effect of the party blower I just parped on was probably lost on your side of the ones-and-zeros, so at this point it’s worth nipping to the shops and getting your own and parping on it to get the full effect before continuing reading (I’ll accept party poppers as a suitable alternative).
One thing I’ve grown to accept about myself is that I’m, at heart, an absolute festering slob of a human being, two-steps back on the evolutionary chart. You know, the one whose almost straight-backed with his knuckles two inches from scraping the ground? Homo-semi-erectus? Homo-lazy-lob-on? If left to my own devices, that’s the state I’ll happily regress to. What’s more, I’d kick children and mewing kittens out of my path to get there.
I have to coax myself out of that state with promises of return. “Just a little 12-week training block AND THEN have the kebab. In fact, have two!”
It’s probably fair to say that I manage my life in temporary corrections. In a job interview, I’d call this being ‘strongly goal oriented’, but in reality I don’t think I can conceptualise forever, particularly when it comes to good behaviours. I need to be fully assured that there’ll be an end to it.
In point of that fact, my last run (barring a minor indiscretion) was a 63km ultra that I loved end-to-end and could’ve kept on going beyond the finish line; as soon as the medal was ceremonially draped around my neck, that voice floating in the back of my head cleared it’s throat, “Oit! Kebab!”
Fast-forward 12 / 13 weeks later and I’m 10kg heavier and back running 3.22km (2-miler) and having to throw in 2x 100m walk breaks to keep my heart-rate down. True story.
But, as I said, this is a part of me I’ve grown to accept. Like a weird growth.
I’ve worked on projects most of my professional life, so am conditioned to grow and develop something over time, and then hand-over once complete. In actual fact, it’s probably the training aspect I love the most; the events are the destinations, but I’m drawn to the journey.
So anyway, to start wrapping this up, I’m not even running 3.22km uninterrupted and have a 100km booked in July. The fun starts here, and I’m going to tell you aaaaaalllllll about it. So there’s something to look forward to. You can thank some Health Unlocked OG’s for that. Or blame. Your choice.
Next time I’ll tell you about my knee problem that’s not actually a knee problem, how I’m managing it and whether it’s going to bring this whole house of cards a-tumbling down or not.
You’re not a runner unless you’ve got pre-loaded excuses.
Longest run ever, but aching while running. 
Half marathon training
