I was lost but then I found my smile 😁

[SueAppleRun]

Can I post here? I just ran 13.1 kilometres! Skip this bit as it's a bit melodramatic if you want.

I've had a terrible couple of days, no running, some walking and some ceiling painting. Someone said to me grief is a bit like climbing a mountain, you feel you just can't keep going, and then you get to the top and go down the other side and think phew I got over that one, then there's another mountain in front of you. Some are taller than others. The one I've been struggling over is huge.

Yesterday I didn't want to see anyone so I shut myself in.

Today I wanted to run.

I played around in the Garmin app trying to find a route that was at least 10k and failing miserably, so I set up a NRC 10k run a playlist on Spotify and off I went. Still not sure where I was going I headed north, crossed the dual carriageway and onto the Downs, a different route than I've ever been before, fields, hills, cows, sheep, wood pigeons, a wren, a blackbird, some magpies and a finch. Green for miles around, hedges, fences, brambles, mist over the hills and no sight of the sea although I knew it was there somewhere.

I slogged on up and up. Passed a couple of walkers with cheery hello's.

I'd set the Garmin to 1 minute run 1 minute walk but I soon got fed up with that! I shouted at it sometimes when it buzzed, and carried on running, my goodness it's steep, its rutted, it's narrow, it's overgrown, I'm so slow. but at last it opens out and I come to a crossroads, with a signpost, this is exciting, it says, bridleway 🤣🤣🤣 pointing all 4 directions 🤣🤣🤣 but I think I might recognise one way which is ,yup you guessed it, uphill, so on I go.

A few cyclists pass both ways, a couple of people with dogs, everyone returns my greeting

There are storms crossing the channel, I start to hope I get home before they get here.

Then I'm at the top and it's down hill all the way to the sea front.

And 10k done ✅ but not home yet so on I run, my pace which was abysmally slow going over the Downs has picked up again, my legs feel fine, goodness me I can do this, I can keep running gently, I can take walk breaks.

Will I make 10 miles? Not today, that hill was brutal, and I want to go home.

For the last kilometre I can feel spots of rain on my bare arms, just a few, and there it is, tugging at the corner if my mouth 😁 I've found my smile.

Run happy everyone, my next goal is 10 miles and it won't be long but I know one thing for sure, it'll be on the flat roads, but I did enjoy being out in the countryside, and there's something very satisfying about slogging up the hills,

[Doris8]

Really really well done Sola. Grief can take a long time. Willow would be absolutely proud of you. 👏👏🤗

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Doris8]

Thank you, yeah I think he might be

[Oldfloss Administrator]

Few words..my heart is full and my eyes also, full of tears ...You, my friend are so special...keep that smile...even when it is hidden...

He knows...he sees...

Very, very well done, on, oh, so many levels xxx

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Oldfloss]

Thank you Floss, some days it just overwhelmes me but if I can get out before that happens the rest of the day is bearable xx

[AlMorr Half Marathon]

A big congratulations to you Sola on that 13.19K run today, a very inspiring post from you, I do notice on the rain radar a lot of thunderstorms in the north of France, they look that they are heading north so as you say will cross the channel and hit the south of England later, at least you now have completed that wonderful run, well done 😀 🏃🏾 👍👍✅✅

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to AlMorr]

Thanks Al, we've had drizzle on and off all afternoon and at last the garden looks damp, I so wanted to go another 3k but after those hills that I don't run on very much, I was near home so came home, maybe next time I go for a long run

[Beachcomber66 Administrator Half Marathon]

Firstly, what an awesome run. One of those; what you needed, just at the right time. Some days you need a shut in, and that is ok too. Grief hits you out of nowhere. Of course anyone can post here at any time…but 13k en route to 10 miles? Welcome to the world of crazy runners of prodigious distances….fully paid up member Sola!!🙂

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Beachcomber66]

Thank you 😊 I'm hoping all the consistent running will help my pace a bit, I was saying good morning to people I passed but it was gone 2om when I got home, I went out later than I realised

[Beachcomber66 Administrator Half Marathon in reply to SueAppleRun]

I did one of the speed runs on the NRCHM app each week to start with. More a question of finding different paces ( so everything wasn’t at easy pace) rather than trying to run really quickly. The pace picks up a little week on week. The long slower runs helps your pace too though; strength and stamina. You are doing really well. Just enjoy it.

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Beachcomber66]

When I run up those hills and the next run I'm on the flat I seem to be flying along, I love the speed runs and my gentle comfortable pace is definitely faster than back in spring, just going out a few times every week helps

[Beachcomber66 Administrator Half Marathon in reply to SueAppleRun]

I think that you are going to surprise yourself 🦸‍♀️

[Jools2020 Half Marathon]

Oh, Sola, I think you really needed that run! And you needed to share it, too. I think your analogy of the mountains is spot on.

It is emotional to read this from you, maybe because I’m still battling my mountains, too.

But they do get smaller and more spaced apart with time.

In the meantime WOW -what a great run!! 👏👏👏👏👏👏👍👍🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🏃‍♀️🥲❤️

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Jools2020]

Thanks Jools, yes, the mountains are more spaced apart, it used to only be minutes between them, and some aren't so huge, that run was needed and I think yesterday's shutting away from the world was needed too

[Jools2020 Half Marathon in reply to SueAppleRun]

I agree. It’s processing time and necessary, too!

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Jools2020]

Exactly

[Sulley101]

What a great run Sola! It’s so uplifting to see beautiful countryside and nature’s creatures just doing their thing isn’t it. 😊 Some times that’s just what we need 😊.

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Sulley101]

Yes, and a run on our own

[Scruff55]

what a wonderful brave run for you today Sola. You are amazing. Willow would be so so proud and I’m sure he was with you every step of the way. Really well done. 👏👏👏

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Scruff55]

Thank you, I think he would

[Irishprincess Administrator Half Marathon]

What an inspiring post! I loved reading that.

You definitely got to the top of that mountain Sola, literally and figuratively. A huge well done 👍👏 Your training is going splendidly.

There’s a shiny 10 mile badge just waiting for you to claim it very soon …… 😍

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Irishprincess]

Thank you so much, I really really want that badge too, but it takes me so long to run any distance

[Cmoi Marathon in reply to SueAppleRun]

"it takes me so long to run any distance"

You and me both SueAppleRun . My excuse is that I run hills, but that's pathetic and insignificant compared to your taking on challenging, unfamiliar terrain while battling grief mountains. You're a superwoman!

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Cmoi]

Those hills, but I found some okness going up them and my smile as I came back down them, it was the narrowness if the pathways that really slowed me down, I really didn't want to fall up there and with loose chalk stones the ground felt very unstable at times.

[Irishprincess Administrator Half Marathon in reply to SueAppleRun]

It matters not how long it takes. There’s no hurry x

[Roxdog 10 Miles]

Oh Sola sorry you had that big grief hill to climb, but you ran down the other side. Isn't running just a big gift!

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Roxdog]

It really is thanks, and made me realise I need to get out on my own to feel better,

[Roxdog 10 Miles in reply to SueAppleRun]

Yes, sometimes being around other people isn't what we need. So a run on your own sounds perfect and what a great distance!

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Roxdog]

I felt at peace running in my own, I've done a lot of running and walking with others and lots of chatter which is great but doesn't help

[RunBrianRun Half Marathon]

That’s inspiring Sola. I’m so glad you climbed that mountain. 💪 you can definitely do the 16km, just not yet. Have a well earned rest. Take care

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to RunBrianRun]

Thanks Brian, tomorrow I'll just have a walk I think, and when I do run the 16k it definitely won't be over the Downs, seafront is nice and flat

[Birdlady64]

Oh wow! That run came just when you needed it most, and what a run it was too. You are so inspiring and yes grief is a funny thing, and it hits you from nowhere sometimes. I dedicated my run today to my dear Dad and absolutely loved reading this, even though it made me quite teary.

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Birdlady64]

I'm sorry about the tears, I felt better for the run

[Killerblue]

That is amazing !!! Well done 👏 no wonder you found your smile 👏👏

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Killerblue]

I knew it was in there somewhere but it's been hiding lately

[Runninggirl59]

Well done Sola, a moving post and inspiring post. X

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Runninggirl59]

Thank you, x

[grumpyoldgirl]

💕

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to grumpyoldgirl]

❣️

[BGood]

Grief is a funny thing! Hard to comprehend and very unexpected!

It’s so lovely you have a good support network of friends family and your neighbours around you!

Sometimes you really can’t face it or the world outside!

This run on your own out in nature seeing the world without having to explain yourself to anyone and just saying Hi to the odd person along the way without a deep and meaningful conversation seems to be what you needed!

Well done on an awesome run 🏃‍♀️ and well done for getting yourself out the front door!

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to BGood]

Thank you, sometimes pretending I'm ok becomes too much so I shut everyone out, I did feel a lot better after the run

[BGood]

Your welcome! Obviously what you needed today 😊

[aliboo70 Half Marathon]

What a lovely post, and you saw lots of great views and wildlife ,perfect. I love trails the best! This is a brilliant achievement and so glad you found your smile, very well done, keep on going ! Carrying someone special with you who would be so pleased and I'm sure was watching over you 😘🏃‍♀️💪xxx

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to aliboo70]

Thank you, it was a run I really needed

[Dexy5 10 Miles]

A new day, new hope and a new personal distance. Well done Sola.

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Dexy5]

Thank you Dexy5 😃

[JonathanP 10 Miles]

Fantastic Sola! 10 miles is waiting for you.....

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to JonathanP]

I hope it doesn't have to wait long

[Sandraj39 Half Marathon]

This is such a moving and inspiring read Sola - and what a terrific run for you!🙂

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Sandraj39]

Thanks, it was

[Tetleyteagirl]

Amazing post Sola, so lovely to read this morning. That 10miles is there waiting for you, with that smile, when you are ready. Well done you 😊

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Tetleyteagirl]

I'll b ready soon thanks, I woke early wondering if a short half hour run would be a good idea

[Cmoi Marathon]

Can I post here? I just ran 13.1 kilometres!

Too damn right you can SueAppleRun ! You ran further than 10K, in fact further than you've ever run before, in particularly challenging circumstances, and found your smile.

If that doesn't merit a post on here, then I don't know what does.

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Cmoi]

Thank you Cmoi I am starting to feel all grown up

[Cmoi Marathon in reply to SueAppleRun]

I've been playing P!nk's Raise your Glass while writing the weekly chat 😁 as I still don't feel like a grown-up on here.

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Cmoi]

The amount you run makes you grown up, I love that song, 🤩

[Curlygurly2 Half Marathon]

You are amazing xx

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Curlygurly2]

Thanks, I just feel ordinary xx

[Cmoi Marathon in reply to SueAppleRun]

Yes, you're ordinary as in my Kate Rusby theme song SueAppleRun ! 🤗

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Cmoi]

Surprisingly my legs don't ache this morning, I half expected to hobble around, I now believe I'll run that half marathon

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Cmoi]

What a lovely voice she has I've now listened to a couple of her songs

[Leotigris 10 Miles]

That's brilliant Sola, what an amazing achievement despite everything

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Leotigris]

Thank you 😊

[Frizzbomb67 10 Miles]

Wow! What a great post and a great run! It sounds such a beautiful place where you run, especially to a towny like me. I’m glad you found your smile. I hope it sticks around a while 😊

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Frizzbomb67]

Thank you, I think if I keep running my smile will stick around a bit more often

[cheekychipmunks Half Marathon]

I have so much respect for you Sola. I simply don’t know how you muster the grit and strength. But holy cow you do, and you know that Willow is looking down with so much pride. Grief is tough, but you’re tougher.

Of course you can run 10 miles and HM. It’s just a matter of time. I can’t wait to see those achievements, first on Strava, then your triumphant posts on here. We all know you’ll do it, and Willow will be there to guide you. ❤️

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to cheekychipmunks]

At least now he's not sitting waiting wondering how long I'll be out. It was a sad day when he decided to stop running, but he did keep saying once the weather warmed up he'd come with me again,

[Freecloud Marathon]

The most important words in your great report were "I've found my smile". It makes all of that slogging up the hills worth it. I too am always full of ideas of setting alarms on my Garmin and find them very annoying when they go off 😂.

Onwards and er Upwards 🤣!

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to Freecloud]

😀 onwards and flatwards next long run, but I will go up those hills again and others as it's so beautiful

[misswobble Marathon]

There is! It’s you versus the hill I suppose. It’s good to know you can conquer the damned thing 💪😀👍

So pleased you’ve found your smile 🙂😘

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to misswobble]

It wobbles a bit my smile but it's there and thank you

[linda9389 Administrator Marathon]

Boy, did you find your way again.

Try to remember that next time you feel you're at the foot of a mountain xxx

We have a ten mile badge waiting just for you 🥰

[SueAppleRun 10 Miles in reply to linda9389]

Thanks Linda, I so want that badge but it might be sensible to wait a week or two, I plan a long run this weekend, along the seafront where it's not so steep