Hi everyone I haven't posted in ages, so I hope you're all well, or at least coping! I've been diagnosed with CNS lupus for a year and a half now, although I've had the symptoms for much longer than that. About 9 months ago, I started becoming really sensitive to noise. It's not all the time or even just when I'm having a flare, but it comes on very suddenly and even the slightest noise makes me want to scream and punch someone. I'll give you an example - if it suddenly comes on halfway through dinner with my boyfriend and I can hear him chewing or gulping, I want to smash the plates and smack him in the face. It's horrible. I have to either leave the room, go outside or if it's a formal occasion then I have to stay put and try not to show how I'm feeling. Thankfully, I manage to resist the urge to break anythinf or hurt anyone, but I have said some nasty things and screamed hell for leather a few times. I carry ear plugs with me wherever I go incase this noise sensitivitt comes on all of a sudden. My doctor doesn't think it's anything to worry about, but really she just couldn't care less and my family have started to notice as well. My mum gets really hurt, understandably, when I shout at her during an 'episode', but my dad tries his best to understand. One time, it was Christmas day in fact, when it was so bad, he went to his shed and came back with an industrial type pair of noise cancelling headphones. As soon as he put them on I started to calm down. I could feel the rage slowly leaving my body and a wave of calm washing over me.
It's driving me mad and I'm hurting the people I love because of it. I feel so guilty afterwards for the thoughts that go through my head when I'm having an episode. Does anyone else get this? I'd be so grateful if you could let me know your experience of this and how you deal with it. I can't be the only one.
Love to all and hope you're all doing really well. Suzy x