My Mum and her lung cancer battle

[MelRobertson]

I lost my dad on 6/8/11 and 3 days before his funeral my mum went for an outpatients appointment after something was found on an xray of her lungs. She was told she had a small cell lung cancer, Hearing the word small you assume its something tiny, easily curable and expected her to be around for years to come, she was only 62 afterall. Anyway, what we heard next shocked us all, its the most aggressive form of lung cancer and she wouldnt be around much longer, estimated time given to her was between 3 and 7 months. There was no treatment offered, no second opinions. We tried to tell mom to fight and she assured us she would. 42 days later 9/10/11 mom stopped breathing and at 5.01pm was her time of death.

We have reached the first year of her being gone and to say it is hard is an understatement. Moms death haunts me, the day she died I was there. I was with my mom trying to do CPR on her, the last meal my mom had was cherry tomatoes and cheese and trying to breath life into her and her vomiting cherry tomatoes back into my mouth will never leave me. Her eyes were open but she wasnt seeing... I saw mom shocked 7 times in the living room, the way its shown on tv is nothing like what happened to mom, she slid down the wooden floor and was dragged back up by her shoulders. I was in the front of the ambulance with mom, watching paramedics work on her, it looked barbaric but they were doing their best. When we arrived at the hospital it looked so painful what they were doing to her so I quietly told the doctor, she has lung cancer. I didnt want them hurting her any more.

I lost my best friend when my mom died and I will never stop missing a truly wonderful woman, she raised 5 children and saw them well into adulthood. All of us with families of our own. Mom had nothing to fear, she did a good job with all of us and can hold her head proudly. Im glad mom and dad are back together. Reunited.

[Hidden]

Dear Mel,

so sorry you have been through so much in such a short space of time. I don't think there are any words that will help. You have your memories of how wonderful your parents were and that's something you will always have. I hope the pain you feel gets easier with time.

Take care

Lyn x

[MelRobertson in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, Ive found comfort going to a spiritualist church. I felt like I was going crazy and needed something. I developed alopecia, lost my long hair and just wanted to die.

Time isnt a healer, if it was my mum and dad would be here and I wouldnt be the other side of a screen opening up to strangers. Today, 12th October is their wedding anniversary, 38 years together. They were together since 1968 and they are back together again, reunited. I know they couldnt prevent what happened to either of them. I can take comfort knowing they are where they are happiest, with each other. XX

[AlliTB]

Dear Mel

That is a heartbreaking story, I'm very sorry for both your losses. My Mum, also my best friend, went for a routine xray following pains in her side last November and passed away from Non Small Cell Lung Cancer in May this year, 6 months after diagnosis. I do know how you are feeling and wish you and your family well. Take care. Alli

[MelRobertson in reply to AlliTB]

Thank you, Im glad in one way mum only lasted 42 days, she refused morphine as she knew then that she was dying. The day she died she looked like she wasnt quite there, she was sitting on the door step looking dazed. I think my dad was calling her.

Im not religious in any way but I have found comfort in going to a spiritualist church. I felt like I was going crazy, I lost my hair through alopecia and just needed some sort of comfort, some answers and no one could tell me anything I wanted to hear, People say time is a healer, its not, if time was a healer my parents would be here wouldnt they. I found I was getting angry and I was in self destruct mode. When the riots were taking place in Birmingham last August I was right in the middle of them, I didnt care. I was directing people to shops that had been destroyed by the looters. I am ashamed now as a mum I should have set examples but grief does strange things to us.

I went to see mum in the funeral home 4 times altogether, she looked at peace and apart from a swelling to her neck she looked as though she would sit up and talk, she looked more alive when she was dead than when she was alive.

We all find our own way to deal with our grief and to live with it. You will too. XXX