Just wanted to shout

[paul1960]

My wife as sclc and unfortunately she will not see the year out she as gone through all the treatment available and now no more treatment. So every day is different as s you can imagine good days and bad days today is not a good day it all seems to bottle up in side you then you have to let it all out to many tears today just can't seem to stop crying so angry that I cant do anything for her it's so heartbreaking to see her like this but what can I do I cant imagine life without her it's so hard just got no idea of what's to come I feel I realy need to talk to someone but I cant seem to

[Denzie Moderator Volunteer]

Being the caregiver to your life partner as cancer takes her is one of the most loving and one of the most difficult things you will ever do.

I was care giver to my mom when she had lung cancer. Now I’m the patient. Having been on both sides I can tell you it’s much easier to be the patient. As caregiver I could only try to help. Most of the time I felt helpless.

The Go2 Foundation has resources that can help you. Their The Grief and Understanding In Death and End-of-life Support (GUIDES) Program is a peer support program for caregivers whose loved one is at the end of life or has died. Talking with someone who has walked in your shoes helps.

There is an old saying, ‘A burden shared is a burden halved’.

[KT22]

So very sorry Paul. I know exactly how you must be feeling. I cared for my husband through his battle with cancer until the end. It’s incredibly hard seeing the most important person in your life suffer. I used to go to our greenhouse & cry my heart out, then get myself together to go back & care for him. Our sons were invaluable in helping us both. I’d highly recommend you contact Marie Curie, they are absolute angels when you need them the most & offered me a lot of advice.

Take good care of yourself, keep talking to your wife, tell her how much you love her.

Sending you a huge virtual hug & best wishes. Xx

[JanetteR57]

So hard for you - as others have said, I found it so hard watching my dad have 3 lots of bowel cancer and radical treatments - easier in a strange way when I was the patient with lung cancer. Shout, cry, scream - whatever - you may find the nurse led helplines offered by Macmillan and Roy Castle lung cancer foundation helpful - for all affected by cancer - not just patients. hope you find a release for your emotions whilst you're struggling to support your wife. thinking of you at this really difficult time.

[Ncpoet]

Paul, first of all, I am so sorry that your wife’s journey is ending and that you will be without her. My husband of 50+ years passed away in 2019 due to lung cancer. I had stage 4 lung cancer in 2013. He had been my caregiver. It hurts that I survived and he didn’t. Being his caregiver, it was hard seeing his quick decline and know nothing more could be done for him. His cancer journey was only two months. I can’t totally know how you are feeling but I can empathize.

I did some shouting and heavy crying myself out of his earshot and sight. Most importantly, we were able to talk about how he was feeling about leaving us, we shared lots of memories and in the end he was at peace with what was happening. He accepted his dying even though I was far from ready for it.

Grief is a process that never ends but you learn to live with it with help from others. There is a program called GriefShare that can be found online or offered locally, sponsored by churches or other groups. You can also find free grief counselors through Hospice who can talk to you one on one and provide a group if you are willing to talk to others going through grieving of their own. If you are a person who writes, journal your feelings. Yes, it is OK to be angry at your loved one and yet sad all rolled up into one. No need to feel guilty with however you feel. I also read books by Gary Roe who writes about grief. But most importantly find support in some capacity.

You and your wife are in my prayers.

Judy

[Iainca]

Paul

Life is so cruel sometimes!!!! I can’t add anything that not been said above but I feel your pain and wish you to be strong.

[Jenniferroseolson]

Paul, I am so sorry you both are going through this. Praying for you right now, for comfort for your breaking heart and for physical comfort for your wife.

[paul1960 in reply to Jenniferroseolson]

Just read what you have been through talk about brave you are amazing and must be so strong speechless