PREPARE FOR THE END

[Lady1958]

How do you get by and just look at your kids and come to terms that you will be gone one day and have to leave them behind.

Lady1958

[JanetteR57]

Sadly that will apply to everyone at some point.... although some conditions bring that day closer than others. I've become more philosophical in recent years - having lost my sister aged 40 in 2001 then her eldest daughter aged 33 from a catastrophic bleed on her brain suddenly last June. My parents crumbled at losing their daughter and now granddaughter - both my sister and niece left behind young children - my niece's son was just 13 and she and her sister were 12 and 15 when their mum died.

I also think about those who go to work or concerts or leisure trips and don't come home due to terrorism, traffic accidents or other unexpected deaths. No time for contemplation or life planning for those victims.

For me losing loved ones and friends and colleagues over the years - some far too young only increases my resolve to make life count - whether long or short.

Try and make memories with them - doesn't have to cost lots for trips of a lifetime - time spent together is valuable even if simple activities- my nieces valued simple things like a Sunday dinner with family after losing their mum or time playing games (not video games) so try to do the things that matter so they remember you as someone who lived life. Write down your hopes and dreams for them - my sister did that - she wrote a piece called 'my perfect day' and found lyrics that resonated with her so we played the music at her funeral.

My dad's recovery from bowel cancer in his late 50s when we didn't think he'd make 60 gave me a different perspective on cancer to others....for some of us it's a realisation that if we don't have children, that really is the end - there will be no part of us left behind which also takes some dealing with mentally. Take care and make the most of your lives together whilst you can. thinking of you.

[Lady1958 in reply to JanetteR57]

Thank you very much JanetteR57 this means so much to me. I will start leaving notes for all the family that way they will have something to remember me by. I wake up everyday thanking the dear Lord for another day and try to make the best of it.

Thank you again,

[Denzie Moderator Volunteer]

No one is promised a tomorrow. As lung cancer patients we have a bit of an early warning as to how our lives MIGHT end. While it’s not something we really think of, it’s a bit of a gift. We know that it’s now or never to heal differences with estranged family and loved ones.

Over the years I’ve observed many deaths, some expected, some not. The biggest thing that tears a family apart is arguments over what mom/brother/grandparent would want for their funeral. If there are children at home and no surviving spouse the State decides where the children go. Do you want to be kept alive indefinitely on a ventilator?

Take this time to let your family know what you will and will not accept for treatment. Do you want burial or cremation? Take care of the dying stuff so you can focus on enjoying as much as you can if your last days.