Lost

[Collinjo1]

I am having trouble getting my wife to understand although i have finished my first round of chemo and 30 radiation treatments, she thinks i should be doing a lot of things she gets mad if I just want to sit any one have any idea's

[Denzie Moderator Volunteer]

Your hospital will have an oncology social worker. Make an appointment to meet with her. S/he will be able to help your wife to understand finding the new normal and what that means. She'll be able to learn what she needs to know to move forward in a non judgemental, non confrontational environment.

There's a good chance you can get an appointment the same day you call.

[Ruthie1950]

I'm sorry to that you are going through this. I had a hard time getting through to mu husband when I was having chemo and radiation every day. I had no appetite and for about a period of three weeks it was painful to swallow. I mentioned this at one of my weekly visits with my oncologist and she explained a lot of things to him. She told him of the extreme fatigue, not having any appetite but knowing that I must eat. She then suggested only preparing soft foods or to purée everything so I could swallow it.

Your social worker will explain in depth what to expect from you during this trying time. If you have just finished your first round of chemo, you may actually not be able to do as much as you previously were able.

God bless you and your wife as this is a difficult time for both of you. She may need some counseling as well. If she is your primary care giver, maybe she needs to let someone stay with you for a day while she goes out once in a while.

My husband would have lunch with some friends of his once or twice a week or he would ride over to his friend's house and they would spend time talking. These are just a few suggestions. You both are going through a trial and it's not easy.

I pray your treatments soon end and the. You should start to get some of your strength back.

[Collinjo1 in reply to Ruthie1950]

Thanks for your reply, my wife will not help me i am totally tired, she says i need to do something, i am not hungry she says its my fault i get choked she says im not chewing my food good enough.

[GainesH in reply to Collinjo1]

Collinjo1, I'm so sorry your wife isn't understanding the process that your going through. There's all kinds of websites to help her understand why your not able to do things or swallow. Please look up what a caregiver should expect for caring for a cancer person. It will explain detail to her. I lost my fiancée in 2004 of cancer. So I knew what to expect when we found out my husband has it. You go from having energy to do things to almost nothing. Your tired, ill and your body has done a 90° turn around from what you use to do. It's hard for anyone to understand until they get counciled about it. May God bless you & help her understand the changes your going through.

[Steph60]

I am so sorry you are going through this, maybe your wife is in denial and having a hard accepting that you are sick and all the unknown that come with it. Maybe your wife should attend a support group for family members; or talk with a counselor/social worker about what she is feeling and how her actions are affecting you. Just remember to take care of yourself.

[lindarahtes]

I hope you are doing well. I'm not sure what kinds of things she wants you to be doing, but if you do things in moderation that will help to build up your strength as well. Have your doctor speak to her and have him tell her your limitations. On the other hand, it isn't good to just be sitting around all the time, everything in moderation. I know when I had my lung surgery, all I wanted to do was sit, but thankfully my hubby made me get up and walk and do small things. I hope this helps and I hope you have a great Thanksgiving.

Linda

[Twotimesurvivor]

Nothing in life with cancer is perfect. I have gone thru 2 lung cancers totally alone so I'm thinking I would love to have someone with me even if they were cranky to me. Guess it's the old glass half full theory

[Faith17 in reply to Twotimesurvivor]

So sorry for you being alone twotimesurvivor God bless your strength. Please feel free to chat anytime you like . I'm four months in from lung lobectomy stage one. I'm not alone but sometimes feel so alone in my thoughts. Sending healing hugs

[scifiknitter Blogger]

What a difficult place to be! There are a lot of good comments already. I have heard that staying active helps one to feel better during chemo, but what that means is going to be different for everyone. I think there is a lack of realization about how difficult radiation is, and I think the suggestion that your wife is in denial might be spot on. Do you have any good friends who have been through cancer treatments? If so, your wife might listen to your friend's experiences. Best wishes to both of you.

Anita

[FtB_Peggy]

As always, the comments/advice above are great. It is always very hard for others to walk in our shoes, and sometimes the ones who love us best push us hardest because they can't stand to see us less than completely healthy and happy - too hard to see when you love someone. If she isn't understanding what you are trying to explain to her, I would follow the advice above and have someone slightly removed from the situation talk to her about it (friends, social worker, doctor, nurse, etc). Maybe if you reassure her that you want to be active, and will do what you can when you can...maybe she is just afraid you are "giving up"...just speculation, hard to know. Good luck to you and allow yourself to be patient with your body...and your wife, right? Relationships are mysterious things....

Warmest wishes.

[ThePurplePlace]

So sorry...this is such a difficult battle and sometimes our loved ones just do not understand how we feel -- Going through Radiation and Chemo is so exhausting and I feel your pain.

I do hope you can both find someone to talk to, to help you both adjust to this new journeyin life...

Please take care....

[Jingles243]

With greatest respect for you both, how about, getting your wife to sit down with coffee for you both and get her to read/involved with health unlocked, the posts are true, very helpful and she may get support for herself as well as a greater understanding. I had an email friend via the British Lung Foundation, some 10 years back, it helped me daily to 'chat' , rant and generally see another perspective. Good luck, just keep being honest. Jingles