My husband had a ruptured aorta and kidney failure back in July, he was in an induced coma etc, lost him twice but we are among the lucky ones, he’s home, but he still has such a long journey with so many hurdles to overcome, his health, both physically and mentally are a long way from what they used to be but pray every day that he will just continue to improve.
The journey is something nobody can ever prepare you for, and I am struggling to, I do not know how to word it, but heal maybe, from what’s happened.
Every time I try to talk about it I just cry, it’s still so raw, I had no support from family, and friends and neighbours etc are lovely but everyone asks how he is, quite rightly, he’s been the one whose been poorly, but I’m finding that for whatever reason, I just cannot get passed this feeling of trauma and this sadness,
I have referred back in July to a talking therapy service but I m still waiting to actually speak to somebody, the GP just wanted to put me on anti depressants, and the ICU trauma team referred me to here.
Please can I ask if family support isn’t available, if anyone has found other ways of support that have helped.
thank you
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Heidikerr
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Hi my husband went through exactly the same thing when we was in Italy in September so I understand what you are going through.
Initially everyone was messaging and offering support but that soon stopped. I know your husband was the one who went through it, but you have been the one who has watched him every day, had to deal with everything etc, so one thing I will say is don't beat yourself up about how you feel because I know how tough it is and I struggle too.
Have you had any type of follow up with the critical care team at the hospital? It may be worth reaching out to them again. I know from things I have read that it is hard on the partners, family etc so you do need the support. We have a meeting with the CC team on Monday, so I.will let you know if I get any good advice.
I know there is nothing I can do, but always here for a chat x
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply, I think it’s only people that have gone through something like this that fully understand.
I am looking at the option of online counselling now, but then feel guilty at spending the money when I’ve just lost my job.
If you do get any advice from your meeting, and wouldn’t mind sharing I would really be so grateful, thank you ever so much and thank you for your offer of a chat.
Let’s hope 2024 brings everyone of us that’s had it tough, happiness, and good health and the ability to make new and amazing memories.
What you’re experiencing is very common, I and my partner were in with Pneumonia her with Sepsis pneumonia on normal ward and me in ICU with a myriad of complications plus Strep A Pneumonia and sepsis and yes passed twice myself.
So my partner was in for 10 days me 6 weeks so our journey was really hard. My partner was obviously home before me and although still very ill everyone was just asking after me! Which was upsetting for her
Ask your rehabilitation team or ICU if there are any support groups or as Sepsur has mentioned try the group he’s linked you to.
It’s hard for everyone as you have found and sometimes family can’t help, they have no understanding of what’s happened. Mine were the same, but that’s because they just want you back to how it was. As you will read any of our journey stories they are all very similar in all respects.
As I’ve found out GP’s only see around one or two ICU patients year so they are no the best to understand you’re situation so they revert to pills.
I burst into tears at the job centre today and they have referred me to another local counselling service, the wait is 6-10 weeks but the service referred by the gp has been over 5 months now, so 🤞
I’ve also registered for the group suggested above.
It’s just such a sad lonely place, makes me wonder if life will ever be the same, but asking for this help and peoples kindness and understanding is hopefully the start!!
your in the right place, what your feeling is completely normal, your husbands been through a lot and so have you! I was the patient and my husband didn’t talk about it or let me talk about it! Hopefully here you’ll get other family members on here, helping you.
This is the place the ICU support group. The do zoom sessions. Chatting. Zoom lessons exercises.Amazing group of people.
Everyone can join in. Families, recovering patients, recovered patients.
Gosh ive gone blank I can't recall the group name.
You will find everything is raw, your emotions will be up and down for a long time. Bear with it. You will go through anger, the why us and the I don't understand stages for a while. It is only natural.
Thank you so much for checking in that’s really kind, thank you.
I have been offered counselling that starts this week, and I started doing a couple of days volunteering at an animal refuge, which has really really helped, helps me to focus on helping others but at the same time I love it.
That and the kindness of others, taking the time to reply and share on here has helped too, sometimes it’s just too difficult to log in and read them and other times I really get comfort and a better understanding from them.
I think the counselling will be the turning point, as somebody explained family and friends do not understand the journey and therefore hard for them to help.
I would dispute that our loved ones don’t understand the journey, I would say that you know it only too well. My loved ones went through a terrible ordeal which I will never comprehend- being told to go and say their goodbyes because I wouldn’t make the night ( several times). When I did wake, they were also told how messed up I was, that’s is doubtful I’d work again, doubtful Id walk again, use my fingers etc etc. Critical illness is an equal ‘opportunity employer’ - it buggers everyone up. Hope the counselling works.
Thank you,Unfortunately I didn't have any support from family, I had to go through my husbands journey on my own and never felt so alone in my life.
I held some resentment that they weren't there, not even to pick up the phone and ask "how are you", but a comment that they don't fully understand what you are going through helped me to be more understanding towards them.
hiya I can really resonate with your post as I watch my family go through so much trauma after my life drastically changed after contracting covid back in January 2021
I was in an induced coma for two months and also nearly lost my life . As a result I suffered multiple organ failure so I was on dialysis, sepsis, phenomena, damaged Aorta blood clots in my jugular vein & my lungs, enlarged heart, carpal tunnel syndrome & mobility issues.
I have been through so much but once I understood & came to terms with everything I had been through my attention turned to my children & hubby as I could see how much they had endured throughout my time in icu , I could clearly see that all of my family had been through extensive trauma & most of them like myself had suffered PDSD & serious anxiety with nowhere really to go or get real consistent support
I have had 3 rounds of counselling & still feel i need more & my daughter has started talking therapy which she feels is a waste of time to be honest
With no more on going support for me & my family I decided to start my own support group called “Our invisible world well-being hub”based in Cambridge Cambridgeshire which will be launching in March We will be supporting all illnesses & conditions which are not visually apparent including anxiety , PDSD , mental health, Trauma, metabolic conditions , cancer ,heart conditions, diabetes, Beta Sickle Thalassemia also have a daily link for anyone to join us in our daily sessions
We will be collaborating with all charities , NHS professionals , mental health providers & care givers who support invisible illness or conditions we also have a in-house lady priest & psychologist who will be joining us in our on line group session s & will also be available for private consultations Our aim will be to support all our service users, anyone who may be going through uncertain times, or trauma & need support or guidance from
That’s an amazing thing that you’ve not only thought of but actually taken the steps to make it happen, a fantastic achievement, I wish the group every success, and with counselling/therapy sessions with such long waiting lists there will be so many people who will benefit from this.
Thank you so much Sonia for taking the time to reply.
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