Latest blog from: hopegoesupanddown.blogspot.com - a record of the hope, terror and unknown future faced when the one you love most in the world suffers a brain injury.
It has been a week of decidedly mixed feelings; last Monday's joy at the news of 'that woman's' change in plea has been tainted by the reality that justice amounts to just 6 points on her license, £545 in fees and costs and increased insurance premiums.
I completely realise we are very lucky to have the opportunity to pursue a claim and there are a many thousands of people who have to adjust to a life utterly changed by a brain injury without this opportunity. I get that our focus should be on the outcome of the civil case and this is just a stage in that journey, but this sentencing outcome has left me feeling decidedly flat.
Flat, that pretty much captures how I'm feeling about the whole legal and financial side of things at the moment. There's only so much drawn out angst, uncertainty and lost sleep you can experience before it accumulates and develops into drama fatigue. I'm exhausted by it all and wish I could turn the volume down on these feelings for a while.
I long for the Summer, when my Jake will be home based most of the time, we can establish some kind of routine for the future and hopefully liability will be agreed meaning I can stop obsessing about running out of money.
Of course, the sun will also be shining; always a bonus when you live close to the beach and have a South facing garden with a large sun deck!
Oh well, if I can survive the last 15 months, I can probably hold out for a few more.
The good news is that Jake seems to be settling into the student house really well and I'm loving how close to home he is; today I was at a meeting in the next town and surprised him by popping in for a cuddle on the way home. This would not have been possible at the rehab hotel and is very good for morale all round. The student house team are introducing a new bi-weekly schedule which varies home visit days and times to support Jake in becoming more comfortable with flexibility and also, along with some additional weekend carer support, to give me some more playing out time. Playing out plans are in place for Friday night, so hurrah for the student house!
In other news, Jake and I had our first outburst-free weekend. There were a couple of close calls, but we were both aware it was happening and worked really well together to let things settle. This feels like a massive step forwards and, although I know that it will not always be that easy, it gives me real hope for the future.
So, some good stuff and some 'meh' stuff. A bit like 'normal' life I suppose.