Being kinder to my brain

[Graceissufficient]

I realise now, 13 weeks in, that my conscious brain (let me be whimsical and call her Grace) has not been polite or understanding to my subconscious brain, poor girl, (let me call her Eve) who has quietly run my body's systems all these years without a word of thanks.

After my bad fall Grace just exoected Eve to get back to normal operations - and I see now she can't. She can't speak, poor Eve, she only communicates by creating sensations. For example, she's very kindly blocked the memory of the fall from Grace. Five hours have been protectively wiped, includingthe lying in the hall, the pain, the A&E - all gone. But it's very clear that Eve remembers every second of it.

Stand at the top of some stone steps, and Grace says: "No problem ." But Eve stops her, gives her dizziness, shakes, a thumping heart.

Enter a hospital and Grace is fine, but Eve is cutting off strength to the legs and sending tears.

I realise now that Eve is absolutely terrified of it happening again, and is quite severely hurt. After all, she has access to banks of data as the administrator of the body. She's seeing the flashing lights on the system.

So Grace is trying to be nicer to Eve. Small things like turning down the brightness on the phone, reducing the volume on the TV, putting on the sunglasses before Eve starts reacting. Grace likes walking, but Eve hates going up hill, sends the heart racing, sensations of dizziness and weakness, so Grace is stopping every five minutes to help Eve calm down. Eve is absolutely terrified someone will bump into her body - so Grace stops and leans on a wall when someone is coming. She thinks its irrational of Eve, but you have to be kind.

And I think Eve is happier as a result.

[Stubble]

That's a lovely way of describing the relationship between the conscious and so-called unconscious mind. Kindness to our 'self' is such an important part of recovery.

I hope Eve will forgive Grace for any misunderstanding.

🥰

[Leaf100]

Yes! Exactly...If a friend invited you for coffee and you said what day, when,what place, what drink to buy, what snack to get - you wouldn't want to hang around them...

When you are friends with yourself you ask and listen for answer of what is needed, and what's OK and what's not - cooperation and kindness, not force and criticism.

It makes a difference.

Leaf

[Rosebud66]

Yes, you’re so right and I’m realising that my right and left hemisphere of the brain come into play too. My logical, rational left is scornful of the emotions rung up by the right, so I am having to console both sides! Just saying over and over again for years, it’s okay to feel like this, it’s going to get better, even when my fears are overwhelming, is comforting. As my Dad used to say, you can’t run away from yourself. But I love your Eve and Grace, that’s so well put!

[Ideogram]

I thought you described this fabulously, particularly that hypervigilant vestibular fear. Thanks for sharing.