I am a full time carer for a relative with a brain injury.
I was hoping that someone could solve a problem.
The relative that I care for purposely wastes his food to feed to his dog. He has lost weight and I am worried that he is not getting enough protein.
The dog is well looked after and well fed.
Any ideas how to solve this will be appreciated thanks.
Hi U, and welcome..
It's difficult to comment without more detail, such as - does your family member perhaps have problems swallowing/chewing/digesting food ? Or could he be depressed & disinterested in eating ? And is he able to voice whether there's anything he fancies to eat ? ..most of us have a favourite food.
The most well fed dogs will keep on eating when it's food from their owner's plate ; maybe a social thing. But maybe there's also an over-protective issue with your relative ?
.......sorry for the 'interrogation' ; it's just an attempt to get to the root of what seems a potentially serious issue. Regards, Cat x
Thank you for your reply. He has no major issues swallowing, chewing or digesting food. Sometimes he will choke while eating. He is not fussy and enjoys eating anything that is put in front of him. Lately he has become more obsessed with his dog. He has had her for 12 years.
The person I care for is 79 he will be 80 in march
Does he engage fully with you. I mean, do you think he's aware of his own diminishing wellbeing and can you impress on him how concerning it is ?
Forgive me if this is inappropriate, but I'm wondering if could there be a dementia issue..
Do you think his dog would get stressed if your relative could eat in a separate room to her ; just a thought.
I do feel for you. x
Yes he can engage is generally very well behaved and does what he is told and he also knows when he is doing something he is not supposed to.
We have been telling him for months that he can’t give his food to the dog and he agrees but keeps doing it on the sly. He hides the food in his wellington boots, and in his coat pockets when I am not watching. If I watch him (I have only done this on a few occasions secretly as I think it’s unethical to do so) and he can’t hide the food as I am there he claims he is full and stops eating.
The dog is not in the same room when he is eating but is in the next room. She used to be kept outside but needs to be inside now as she is older.
His brain injury mimics dementia. Unlike dementia his brain injury is not degenerative. Sadly he lacks capacity since his accident( a fall from a height onto concrete).
Thanks for your help.
It's a delicate balancing act staying kind whilst trying to correct a loved one's behaviour. I hope you have support from other family members if only to take a break now & again, and that maybe his GP could have a word in your relative's ear for some back up.
All best wishes .... x
as always cat3 gives a sensible, kind and thoughtful reply….she has helped us all so much. May I just add one little thing which I have found useful with my husband with a TBI if his behaviour needs a little challenge. Can you inject a ‘sense of humour ‘ in there. Obviously the personality to how far this can go must be taken into consideration but I find the ‘ gentle’ approach with a’sense of humour’ and a laugh is more likely to appeal to his nature in reflecting on things and changes in behaviour.
For instance, with him ( obviously not for everyone) I might say “ would you like me to cut out the middleman and just give the dog your dinner and you have his? “ That’s the sort of humour that would get my other half laughing . We could take it from there…..
Maybe something similar may be appropriate for your relative?
Good luck Anne x
Don't know if this helps as cat said possibly it could be factors of multiple things brain injury, old age ,forgetting slight dementia, but it would be worth telling your issue to local butchers ,takeaway shops eg bakers roll shops about the person has brain 🧠 injury and feeding their pet and not themselves and see if they have any scraps that get throwing away which happens everyday as to much food wasted in this world am sure they would be willing to help as its just going to waste anyway
my dad did the same, didn’t have a tbi. Several heart attacks, heart surgery. Maybe misguided kindness?
Hi Unusal,
You could Try meal replacement drinks and slimfast meal bars as they are both full of vitamins. I am on them and they do work.
Hi there. I really feel for you both. Just a thought, but could a charity like Age Concern offer any advice? 
this site has been enough so far
Keep the dog away while he is eating. Look for hidden food aroud him after he eats.
possibly remove dog when he is eating so he’s not thinking of the dog and food at the same time … they do have ways of making you feed them with their sad eyes if possible could someone take the dog for a walk so the gentleman doesn’t feel like he is being shut away . Just good diverting the situation without having to challenge/disgust the issue Sue x
unfortunately it won’t make a difference he used to do the same when the dog was kept outside in the shed.
Aw bless you, I am a health care assistant & I can sympathise with your situation. There are a number of things you can look at here. Is your relative able to make the choices of what he eats? Is he able to tell you why he isn't eating his meals? Often with some brain injuries their normal choice may have altered or how things taste may have changed. (Unsure of what he ate & enjoyed before - look at seasonings presentation - we often eat with our eyes before actually eating the food)There could be a medical/ clinical reason behind this, you sound quite concerned about his eating habits so I would recommend he see a doctor to rule out any medical issues. He may need a referral to the SALT team. This is the Speech and Language Therapists team. He may need his food prepared in a different way or thickener adding to his fluids. He may need some foods fortified with cream or honey etc.
Can the dogs feed time be changed to the same time as your relative ?
A lot to take in but please know that you are doing a great job! It's not easy doing what we do. Make sure you are having time for you.
***** Personally I would get him seen by the GP or his specialist first. Take it from there. *****
Keep us informed as to how you get on. Take care, Louise 🤗
Not being a trained medic but having cared for someone with dementia for a long time, might I offer the following?
It sounds to me as though your relative wants to feel needed and has focused on his dog as the recipient of his particular brand of care.
If I'm right, there is no fix for this unless his dog is taken away from him, which might cause your relative immense emotional distress and unhappiness, which could hasten his decline and bring about all sorts of odd reactions.
My advice is to accept this situation and work with it. Do you prepare your relative's meals? If so, how about providing two lots of food for him to allocate; one for himself and one for the dog for him to dish out as he sees fit.
If your relative wants to feel needed and to be in control of something, working with his feelings might prove more constructive and productive than trying to curtail his odd behaviour.
Something I learned: there is no reasoning with someone who is irrational to begin with. It was a valuable piece of advice, especially while I was caring for someone with dementia. It helped me keep very calm when behaviour was trying in the extreme.
You have a good heart to care so much about your relative. I hope my input helps rather than hinders you.
thank you for this.
Hi It’s Not Usual. To see me cry, oh I wanna die. (All singalong in that Tom Jones style).
Feed them both exactly at the same time. They both will know to tell each other to go fffidget off.
Maybe the dog might give him some of his food.
If all fails. Put Pro Plus in his food. That helps my memory far better than anything else to help my TBI. It’s like speed for the brain to work.
2 tablets I’m a superhero. 3 tablets I argue with myself. 1 tablet I still forget why I’m taking the pro plus.
Do the lot.. And take a photo with him with his plate holding to the dog and you waving your finger going Noooo. Or put Noooo at the bottom of the photo on paper and staple it to his forehead.
Maybe less cruel is taping it up near him/hers table.
Photos and music relating to everything I’ve ever done in life and where I was at that exact moment help my memory great. But my heads stuck before 2001, so know many great 80s and 90s tunes to singalong.
Photos of many things in my bedroom to ensure I don’t forget something, but then sometimes I don’t understand why I have a photo up on my bedroom wall of a donkey smoking a Cuban cigar with a sombrero on.
I’ll figure it out. Oh he’s smiling with teeth out. Maybe a reminder I need my teeth checking. I don’t think it’s buy a donkey. I hope not.
His recall will kick in eventually. My recall is repetition of 38 times. Where I will not have a clue before then. Some people will be higher or lower, but everyone will have some form of recall, that’s triggered by a particular song, a photo etc.
I have TBI memory loss etc, so I know what he is going through if I don’t have my Pro Plus. (There another brand with Glucose in it thats Great. Puts me straight on Turbo).
Try all wacky things.
I’m in a rush to find a beautiful women in case mine goes worse. Then at least everyday I can wake up thinking, good choice my man. Until she opens her mouth. Oh no.
Good Luck
Sy😁
very good 😊
He has taken yeast vite every day for about 60 years.
Unfortunately due to stress and trying to start a family myself I do not have the time to micromanage his life for 16 hours a day. I do my very best though. Better than a care home.
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