Help please

[Betterstart19]

Hi there, dont really know where to start save for the fact that my partner suffered brain injury from two bleeds on the brain after a fall. As well as some basic skills and memory loss, he has had a massive change in personality from being the nicest person on the planet to being aggressive and impossibly difficult. He self discharged from hospital and therefore we have been given no after care plan. The accident was on dec 18 and i just dont know where or who to turn to as hospital, GP etc have all been unhelpful. He doesn’t know he has changed and says this is just who he is. He has already cut his entire family out of his life (all of whom he was exceptionally close to previously). He doesn’t think he is unwell still or needs any help and just wants to get on - even though he most definitely isn’t safe to yet.

[Woo777]

Oh bless you , I was exactly the same , it’s like reading about my self . I had 2 haemorrhage s too and it changed my personality and I too lost my family , 3 daughters who are did everything with . The sad bit is I don’t know how to help other than if you love him hang in there and hopefully he will come back . I did it’s 2 years today since my 1st haemorrhage and I’m nearly there . Good luck xxx

[Hidden]

It is very early days in bi terms. His brain is still recovering. Talk to Headway and they can explain it to you, the important thing is to look after yourself while this is happening, you will need to be the supportive one at the moment but hopefully (although he may never be the exact same person he was before) as his brain recovers he will be better than he is now. Hang in there!

[SuePS1958]

Hi there, this is tough stuff. Whilst waiting for the individual to get through denial and accept they need help, you need to look after you from a health and wellbeing perspective. Being early on you are both reeling from the trauma. Put you first. If you are in the UK I suggest you find the local Headway, MomentumUK and separately your local Carers Trust. All provide support to carers and it is great talking to others who really understand what you are going through and can share the hints and tips they used to help themselves stay well and how to help others. Keep talking on here and you will get support. Take care xx

[sospan]

HI,

What you have written about is all very common about head injury survivors.

A lot of people say a head injury is one of the loneliest of injuries because it is only the survivor whom truly knows what it is like and most people normally end up isolated from friends and family. Likewise many relationships don't last must beyond the first year after injury partly because of the strain and secondly the partner that they once had is no longer the same person after an injury.

One of the things that people need after a head injury is peace and quiet, dimmed lights and plenty of rest. To be honest the hospital won't really do much good for him and with all the disturbances was probably hell on earth. The same with GP's many don't understand how to treat a HI.

You have discovered another facet of a HI is that medical staff do a pretty poor job of explaining things to both the patient, carers and family on what to expect.

One of the things your partner could possible benefit from is a dose of "neuro inhibitors " these slow down the brain cycles and allow it to develop new routes around any damage. However, most HI survivors are reluctant to take them as GPs label them as "anti depressants" which they are essentially but in a much different dosage. This coupled with paracetamol for the head aches is the only medical solution in the short term.

Alongside that goes rest, sleep and planned activity. Try and reduce any smoking, alcohol and strenuous activity.

All the best

[Maccasgirl]

Hello Betterstart19,

My husband also had a bleed on the brain after a fall, and also it has affected his short term memory and cognitive function .

His personality hasn't changed in respect of his temperament, but following his fall he was very confused he became frustrated easily because he wasn't able to do the simplest of things , he also lost his driving licence , this all lead to the most placid man becoming so angry , so I do understand how you feel and what you're going through.

As I understand it his brain will be healing but this is a very long slow process , the areas of his brain that were damaged will be bypassed as if taking a diversion in a traffic jam . some areas will improve others won't I'm afraid

Its now 3 years since the accident and he still hasn't got his licence back and never will but as time passed he became less confused although he still feels he's OK , but we have a new normal and things settle down he hasn't been able to go back to work ,and I gave up my job because I couldn't look after him and work - way to much stress !

We got help from occupational therepy and after waiting a year a neuro psychologist he's was tested for weeks to eventually provide us with a list of coping strategies to get us through day to day stuff

I can only suggest you get in touch with your GP and harass them to get both of you the help you need timewise its still very early days I hope you get the help you need

Good luck and take care of yourself

[cat3]

Your man is still at a very early stage in recovery and so you're getting the brunt of behaviour which might have calmed slightly during a longer stay in hospital. Because his brain will still be struggling, he'll be seeing things in a very different light and unable to think rationally about what's best for his welfare.

All I wanted after a procedure for a bleed on the brain was good food, quietness and endless sleep. I was discharged after two months but It took around 6 months for me to grasp the level of trauma & worry my loved ones had suffered.

During that time no one dared tell me what to do. I insisted walking out alone a week after discharge (knew I was being followed though & pretty annoyed) and I was SO emotionally unstable, causing scenes because I wasn't able to find the words to express, or even process, my feelings.

This was shocking for my family, especially as I'd always been the 'go to' one for patience & understanding. But after many months of adapting to various incapacities, and changes in my abilities, I began to regain more & more 'self'.

It can be a long and arduous process for both the brain injured person and the loved ones, and especially the partner who gets the brunt of unreasonable behaviour.

But this is really early days for your partner m'dear and, if you can hang on for a while longer, you should start to see gradual improvements.

Meantime, phone the Headway helpline on 0808 800 2244 (office hours) for extra support & advice.

Regards, Cat x

[magdolna]

Speak to Headway or if you can attend a local group.

[Family35]

I feel your pain 10 yrs ago this’ll was me by partner suffered TBI 2 brain bleeds and frontal lobe damage and I got all the hate and aggression on hospital release I had 2 little ones a ft job ! Family were alienated due to the rudeness and the inability to understand. Initially bed rest sleep calm lack of stimulation is the best thing however not always easy with little ones. Progression came initially quick however the same traits apply especially when fatigued and over stimulated but telling a domineering person who’s highly active to stop doing things is basically a no go back. 10 yrs on we have grown apart no real relationship I’m basically a breadwinner and administrator taking care of all about he practical things, no empathy and no ability to have a two way conversation as he takes over the conversation and it’s all about him. Sorry if sounds negative every journey is different and it’s time that will tell also the ability for an injured to have insight is positive unfortunately my partner doesn’t have this. Good luck x