Sharing a child with an ex partner with a brain injury.

[Horsemad12]

Hi, I posted on here over a year ago when I was trying to free myself from the emotional ties of an abusive partner with a brain injury. We are not a couple anymore and haven’t been for about a year or more. He was short tempered with my older children and I, physically abusive and controlling. He now sees his son a couple of times a week and I am struggling to keep a sensible emotional and physical distance between us. His mum got very ill about 6 months ago and died a couple of months ago. I am not heartless and was sympathetic but, when his mum was really ill, he would come over to pick up our son…. Would always wander in, despite not being invited, and burst into tears. I would awkwardly hug him back but then I would become aware that he would be touching me somewhere he shouldn’t and making inappropriate comments…. He upset the older kids yesterday and I stood up for them, he sent me a text apology during the evening and then, when I hadn’t answered a couple of hours later, he sent me horrible messages.

i feel so drained and like this is going to be happening forever 😔

Thank you for listening, I guess I wanted to talk about it. Hope that’s ok.

[Sound_system]

Thank you for sharing this. You are absolutely right to talk about it and seek support. Hopefully some people on here can signpost you to get some help with your situation.

[Pairofboots]

Hi, I would suggest that you contact services that are aimed at abused women. Your partner is still demonstrating the need to have power over you. It is easy to identify that you need to have strong boundaries, but how to set these and maintain them I think you need specialist help. Until you can set clear boundaries, is there a friend or relative that can be there with you when you can't avoid contact? Have you arranged formal visitation between your son and his father? Refuge operate a 24hr helpline 08082000247. I hope that things improve. Keep in contact

[cat3]

What a predicament for you H. I'm so sorry to hear your partner still hasn't sought help and that his controlling & aggressiveness is still impacting on you and your children.

I used to work alongside the Victim Support agency (kind & sensitive people) who deal with every type of offence, including emotional/psychological abuse and/or aggressiveness. They operate 24/7 and can support you directly :-

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Hope this helps H. Stay in touch. Cat x

[1949liz]

Hi H I was in an abusive marriage for 30 years he is a narcissistic person and they get there’re power from how we react. It is my personal opinion that you should seek a molestation order which will stop him entering your home and stop him from touching you. You can get this by asking help from citizens advise or a solicitor and getting a restraining order. Unfortunately it’s the only way to take action against him. I suffered am still suffering from the abuse physical and emotional pain of what he did to me.Please don’t allow this to continue 🛑 stop it before he does any more damage to you and your children. Nobody has the right to treat you like he is doing. You can made arrangements for him to see your children at a centre so it stops him coming to your home. Block his number become pro active. Email me any time take care with much care Love Liz x❤️🙏

[Tortie14]

how difficult I think you need to prioritise your safety and your children. I would find ways to maintain contact that does not involve him coming to your home. You need to be safe to begin healing from the trauma you’ve been through. Clear strong boundaries will protect you and your children. Keep us posted. Lots of support here.

[headwayuk Partner Headway]

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