Why do I only ever write on here when I've reached rock bottom? when I feel that I can't get any help or understanding from people around me, I think to myself that maybe brain injury survivors will get it. Maybe they'll be able to relate - don't know. But here I am.
I feel the lowest I can remember feeling. I'm not suicidal, but I'm struggling to see the positives at the moment. It's a mix of things but stems mainly, as usual, from my weight. I desperately need to lose this weight I carry. But my discipline and control has left me, so when I take a knock for whatever reason, I go and buy food and eat it all. But I have to try and find a way of changing that. I've tried various different commercial diets and failed. I've been referred to Weight Management with the NHS and had the first phone call from them yesterday - apparently, I will go into group therapy with 8 other people like me and it'll be run by a clinical psychologist.
I've also looked at the surgical option - and found it would cost me around 10 grand to get what I think I need. But of course, I don't have that kind of money as I've been unemployed since my TBI.
Ach, the reason why I'm here is because I've just spoken to my husband about this, and he just doesn't understand how I can desperately want something - losing the weight - and yet repeatedly failing at it. I tried to explain why, and I couldn't. I know I can't describe what being a brain injury survivor is like to someone who hasn't had one. Do you people out there agree with me?
I don't seem to be able to manage - but maybe I'm just not finding the right words that would sum it up - I just don't know. By not feeling understood, it makes me feel very very lonely - as though I must lead the rest of my life as a mystery to people because of this. I know I'm different since my injury, I know that. But is it possible to achieve understanding from people around me who have not had a similar injury? I feel as though it's not possible.
Sorry, everyone for this miserable post. It sums me up at the moment. I would love to hear your opinions if you feel like writing X
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saville75
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Hello, sorry you're feeling so low L, this is of course where you need to vent and know we'll get it. Massive sympathy. I think other people get it some of the time, but just occasionally they forget or don't understand. It catches me out occasionally when someone neuronormal says something daft to me and I'm totally shaken and caught up in disbelief that they don't get it.
Glad you're getting some help on the NHS, that's a a good thing to start with - will keep my fingers crossed for you x
Sorry you are feeling so low and weight is a serious issue not a frivolous one. However, losing weight and sustaining wait loss is incredibly difficult and not just a matter of will power, that element is not affected by your tbi though trying to describe how you feel about it maybe. The group sessions should be helpful especially if you speak to the psychologist about your tbi so that can tailor the sessions to your needs. I would suggest looking at Thinking Slimmer/slim pod, it’s endorsed by the nhs so it maybe funded by the nhs in some areas. I don’t work for them just it’s a different approach which I think is better for mental health and self esteem.
Sorry you struggle with this. I am a stress eater as well.
I have started looking at the new book by D r G a b o r M a t é called 'the myth of normal' and ge talks partly about why people do this kind of thing, and it isnt about self control. I have t got to the bit about what to do about it yet. He has a bucmch of interviews on youtube on the book - dont know if it'll appeal to you or not, though you know if it does and where to find.
Hi. I think it is impossible for "norms" to understand brain injury from our view point, it is an unimaginable concept if you have not had lived experience.
I have similar problems getting how things are in my world, often there aren't words effective, or that are descriptive enough to paint a picture. It's as if we are speaking a second language. When I have spoken with others with BI, it has been like talking is effortless, we just get what we mean.
I'm not sure how to overcome this without a sci-fi universal translator thingy.
You also are experiencing one of the hardest things to manage, weight gain. I've had my own battles, but health has intervened to do some of the work for me. It is good that you are going to have a group for support. You say about the cost of surgery, barriatric surgery is available via the NHS. It isn't always the solution, it doesn't suit everyone. There can be extreme adverse consequences that cannot be rectified after, so serious thinking should take place.
Sorry I don't have any great ideas, I think I said the same last time. It doesn't matter about only writing when times are tough, that's what we are here for, to help with the tough times.
You write on here because you know we understand what you say because we feel the same. No matter who, friend, family, doctor, etc etc, they cannot understand properly unless they have had a BI. In the unlikely event of them having had one they wouldn't be able to function properly. Physically I look the same, but mentally I am a mess, I feel like I am functioning at 50% of pre TBI. Everyone expects me to sort things out, do this, do that, go here, go there, make decisions, change decisions, I feel washed out before the day has started. The only time I feel ok is if I stay in the house, stay off the laptop, do everything at a snails pace and don't speak to anyone, this seems to recharge my batteries, but life unfortunately isn't like that. You say about your weight, mine went up due to no longer working and I was full of aches and pains. I joined a chair exercise class, for over 60's and a standing one for over 60's, I felt really stupid as I thought it would be too easy for me, I was so wrong!! The girl that runs the class is lovely and adjusts things to each person. After a few weeks I felt more supple, my joints were a bit less creaky, but the big difference was how I felt mentally. I felt good,I can't stop and chat with them all after as it's too much for me, I try to listen to one person but my brain is trying to listen to all the conversations. I flit in and out of the classes as some weeks I feel too tired to do it. Maybe this is something you could try. Easy yoga and pilates would be good too, I'm just no good at meditating to do the yoga, and my balance is not good enough for pilates, yet, I live in hope of being able to do more classes. Because of your TBI you should be able to get classes at a reduced rate. Don't suffer in silence, remember there is always someone on here that can help and offer advice.
I'm 4+ years post TBI due to a horse riding accident. I was fit, active, super busy & never had any issues with my size or shape pre accident, I was no model, just average... Post TBI, couldn't speak, walk or think properly & couldn't even remember where the mugs were in my own kitchen let alone how to make a coffee!
As a result of my life stopping I used food as my emotional, sadness and loneliness self medication. My weight rocketed by 5 stone as I went through my therapy to try to regain "me".
Your post sums it up for me, that was exactly where I was 6 months ago, desperate to lose weight but self sabotaging every single day 😓
I got a fitbit as a present and started walking every day aiming for 1K steps. I built up very gradually to 6K, eating habits the same, but somehow managed to lose 1/2 stone and as I did this I attended an NHS weight management group. I thought if I can lose that bit of weight just by walking more, how much could I achieve if i really tried.
Fast forward to today, I aim for 10K steps a day, have developed nike training shoe addiction 😂😂😂 and feel really energised. I joined Weight Watchers 6 weeks ago, love their app cos I enter everything I eat/drink, connected my fitbit to it & it made me realise how much I was eating mindlessly before! I've lost 1stone 3lb in that 6 weeks, feeling SO MUCH BETTER about myself, have more energy and finally I'm starting to feel like ME again.
I've still a long way to go but I'm positive I can do this... Please don't give up, if I can do this so can you. Do it for you, however you choose to do it, you deserve to feel happy in your own skin xxx
You come here when you've hit rock bottom because it feels like a safe place maybe?
Rare when you're facing life with a dysfunctional brain I find! 😀
I have felt extremely isolated for a long time but more so at the moment because I'm going through therapy I think and revisiting everything.
It's good to get things out, plus you'll know yourself that reading all the posts on here makes you feel like there are other people out there who know what you're gong through.
So everytime you post you are helping someone else feel understood.
I've put on 5 stone since my accident/RTA and have had some extremely contemptuous physios as a result. Its just horrible. And the worst thing is that I can't get the words out to explain when I'm in a stressful situation.
Yes, (squidgy🤣) bottom line, I am the one putting the food in my mouth.
NEURO FATIGUE - FUNCTIONING HOURS
But try to explain to someone that you have 3 functioning hours a day and any time getting ready, cooking, eating etc is taken out of that time, so I invariably end up collapsing flat on my back with a loaf of bread on my bedside table in the afternoon because I've tried to squeeze the most into the little time I have in the day.
SUGAR/TREMORS
Or explain that life simply gets away from you quite frequently with a aTBI nd what you plan for the day is rarely what you get, so relying on sugar to push through is the normal now. It might only give you an extra burst for 30 min, but that 30 min can get you home before the tremors start.
LIGHT/ NOISE SENSITIVITY: BRAIN TIME OUT
Or simple things like not being as organised as pre TBI so not always having good food in, and when you're rushing now you can't go into a proper supermarket because you know that the lights/ noise can drive your brain to take a "time out" and you and up just staring blankly at a shelf for 5 min! (No idea how long actually - just guessing!). So you will always choose the local tesco or coop because you can get in and out in 4 minutes - meal deals have been my goto over the summer.
MEDS
And that isn't even touching the fact that the Gabapentin/Codeine/Sertraline is just a weight gain combo waiting to happen.
EATING YOUR EMOTIONS
TBI can either mean an excess of emotions or a complete cut off can't it? I fluctuate between both states at different times. But if you were the sort of person who ate their emotions pre TBI, you've suddenly got a lot to work through.
LIFE'S LITTLE PLEASURES
I don't want to sound morbid here but realistically when you've gone from a good career and full social to the life of a hermit, then food is one of the few joys available to us isn't it?
MY POINT.....!!!
It would be really useful if you could find a dietitian who could look at all of these factors and create a flexible eating plan that worked with your life rather than them pretending that you're a "norm".
I'm really hoping your group works well for you. Pass on any good tips?
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Brain Injury Awareness
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