TBI…Where is my life going!

[superstar79]

I am totally losing track of time, days even weeks and years! My partner of 21 years died last year. He was my carer and although my symptoms have not changed. I have realised that my life is racing ahead and I am stuck at home 90% off the time. My family and friends are a few people who do the best to help me now. Yet I feel totally cut off from the world! They all have families, jobs and there own life’s to lead, which I fully understand. Everything that I had,before I was mugged and attacked in 2009 and left permanently disabled. I am by no means depressed and perfectly capable of speaking up for myself.

Therefore I do not understand how I feel as though I am on the outside of life and looking in! If that makes sense! My working life is over and it’s taken many years to come to terms with that…. Okay, so I still can’t accept that! I can psychoanalysis myself all day long, although the next I won’t remember it so that’s a pointless task!

I suppose what I am asking is has anyone else experienced this? If so what did they do to rectify it?

[Chat2U]

Love the psycho analyse/ don't remember comment - really made me chuckle - so true!

You sound like you're in a very similar position to me, and probably loads of us on here.

I got some fab advice from people recently actually - take a look at the answers on my posts - the posts are not interesting but the answers have some really good ideas!

And I think the outside looking in is the depersonalisation thing (which definitely needs a therapist rather than me!) but mine is doing alot of grounding (meditation) work with me for disassociation so maybe try that if you've not already.

[superstar79 in reply to Chat2U]

Ironically I used to help people with disabilities and children within a residential home. All of these techniques were used to aid others to cope with their anxieties, depression and behavioural conditions. That’s why I can Psychoanalysis myself. My TBI is not the worst traumatic experience or traumatic experiences that I have faced in my life! This is why this is so frustrating for me because I can not beat it!

I have always been a survivor no matter how much life throws at me! Yes, I survived when my family were told that I may not twice. Psychologically I am strong, it’s the rest of me that’s being a pain in the butt!

All of the doctors have said that I have to accept that I am not going to get any better and just have to try and my days will be about controlling pain. I can not stop pushing myself every day to do more and more no matter how many injuries I get! 🙄🙈

[Chat2U in reply to superstar79]

I won't ask about the other trauma as assume you would have shared if you wanted to but huge kudos to you for overcoming it.

As for acceptance, I'm not totally on board with the counselling version of it. The thought that things can never get better is just too daunting.

I have just about got my head around "accepting the reality of where you are now, with a view to keep trying" - as opposed to pure acceptance!

So I'm not sure I'm a good goto person for that! 😄

I take it you have a rough idea of the cost of each activity? Eg. Socialise 2 hours = sleep 3 hours after or computer 5 hours = zombie!

Or whatever your own "spoonie" measurements are!