Help/info please

[Dogsabighelp]

Hi,my son injured just before Xmas in r.t.a.he has brain injury which severity of such not yet known.I'm terrified about outcome.

[Bradybunch35]

Good morning I am so sorry to hear about your son, especially during this time.

I hope you are getting to see him.

I would say don’t be alarmed by anything he says at the moment. It takes a while for some normality to return.

I hope you are taking care of yourself too.

Big hugs and keep talking people on here will have advice as he progresses along to recovery 😘

[Dogsabighelp in reply to Bradybunch35]

Thanks.he has a lot of injuries so sedation given.but its been 6 weeks no one seems to be able to tell me what to expect

[cat3]

Hi D. and welcome. You'll be in that awful place described to me by my son & daughter after my brain haemorrhage. The anxiety must feel unbearable, but with any type of brain injury the passage of time is essential for the recuperation process, but SO agonizing for loved ones. It's a basic equation ; more time = more healing = more waiting...

I'm guessing it's around 6 weeks since your son's RTA so it's still early days for doctors to offer a prognosis. And guessing isn't their practice as every patient is unique and will react at their own level and at their own pace.

My family thought I wouldn't rally, and even when I did they feared, from my behaviour and language, that I would be permanently deranged and possibly never walk again. I now live an independent life albeit with some memory & balance issues, but a life certainly worth living ! Are you able to see your son ? xx

[Superwoman2020 in reply to cat3]

When I had my sub-arachnid hemmorage,it was months before I even started to make progress,was in a coma for just under three weeks as well

[cat3 in reply to Superwoman2020]

Yes, once I became compass mentis, long after a SAH, I was shocked to learn how long I'd been in hospital. It was a long haul wasn't it m'love ! Hope you're doing ok (Covid apart). x

[Dogsabighelp in reply to cat3]

Wow well done you!I can't visit due to lockdown its all just so shocking.son has been breathing unaided today for 6hours,his eyes follow staff.but not really much improvement.they so busy its very hard to contact them and I feel sick when I phone.they say it could be months god he only 36 ex soldier and fit guy who goes running.

[cat3 in reply to Dogsabighelp]

OK, so his fitness will be a of great value in terms of recovery. But my heart goes out to you D ; it's one thing having a son so poorly but quite another being unable to see and touch and talk to him. The staff are wise to prepare you for the fact it might take months to see significant progress, but It's really sad that you can't witness the tiny, gradual signs of improvement for yourself.

I'd say it was 6 months before I could be safely left alone for a couple of days and reaching that point felt like forever. But unlike other organs the brain is highly complex and once the obvious scars are healed it needs to rewire and compensate for any lasting damage (which brains seem to do pretty amazingly). But bear in mind that few people escape without long term effects such as fatigue, memory issues or other.

It's a horrible time for anyone in your situation and a time when words just aren't enough. But in terms of empathy and emotional support you've found a good place ; I hope you'll feel free to talk here for as long as you need. Look after yourself meanwhile and try not to stress over the time your son's progress is taking ......the waiting was described as 'torture' by my family.

Be strong m'love and try to imagine each day as one more day towards recovery.....

Love Cat x

[Dogsabighelp in reply to cat3]

Oh thanks,you very kind.one thing(maybe wishful thinking)Monday a nurse put phone to his ear,son could hear me talking and his beloved dog barked,the nurse said he immediately opened his eyes?

[cat3 in reply to Dogsabighelp]

I don't think it's only wishful thinking .... The sound of a beloved pet would be just the stimulus needed to focus his attention. Familiar sounds, smells, music, voices etc. are known to help patients reconnect with the here & now. Can you send in a device with his favourite songs/music to stimulate his memory so staff could arrange for him to listen through earphones for short periods ?

My uncle sat with his daughter every evening for months (sorry, I know that's not an option for you) and played her favourite tracks over and over whilst she was comatose after a serious RTA. After she regained consciousness she described the 'pull' of the music back to consciousness...

The opening of your son's eyes to the sound of his dog's bark is a typical example of the tiny, positive signs I mentioned earlier. Keep your hopes up D ! xxx 💐

[DMreader]

HI, It is terrifying, the doctors always seem to give the worst case, but he is in the best place at the mo, they know what they are doing. Your son sounds like a strong fit guy, and that will help his recovery. NEVER give up hope the brain is a fantastic thing and can surprise even the doctors. My heart goes out to you, look after yourself and give yourself time too, you need to be strong for him. this is a good site to just talk or vent many have been where you are now, and they have got through it, keep positive XX

[Kezza72]

Hi, I’m so sorry you are going through this. I can fully empathise as my 22 year old daughter had a brain injury last year. I am an ICU nurse and I really feared the worst, as her injuries were severe. She was in my ICU and as I worked there they allowed my to visit for a few hours a day. After she left ICU, despite being staff I did not see my daughter for 6 weeks, it was heart breaking. Due to my job and experience she was discharged home early for me to care for at home. I have nursed a lot of neurosurgery patients in ICU over the last 16 years and it’s so difficult to predict the prognosis. The brain is such a complexed organ and each patient recovers differently. It is still very early days for your son. He just needs time. My daughter took about 4 months to improve. And for the last 5 months she’s been coming on leaps and bounds. I can expect to continue to see improvements for the next year. She will never be back to where she was before her accident, I’ve seen her CT scan and the damage is permanent, but she is young and her brain has plasticity. How old is your son? What’s his recovery been like so far? Please message me back if you want any advise as I’ve been in your shoes and I have medical experience nursing TBI patients. Take care x

[Dogsabighelp in reply to Kezza72]

Hi kezza,my son is 36.apart from b/injury 4 broken ribs,left shoulder,right upper arm,bone at base of neck,pelvis all broken,a small tear in spleen.he has had tracheotomy. He has fought off a couple of infections and a femoral blood clot and had a peg procedure.all bones are healing well I'm told and he breathed unaided for over 6 hours y/day.they say he gets"grumpy"when they move him for washing etc.I'm not sure of the exact name of b/injury but no one has told me of any surgery required for any of the injuries.

[sospan]

Always sad to hear of events like this.

As mentioned, you son has a number of things on his side - Age and time. Whilst it may sound traumatic that he is in this "sleep" state but at the moment this is the best thing.

The brain doesn't repair but develops new pathways around the damage. This is called plasticity, the younger you are the higher levels of plasticity you have.

For this "repair" process to work, the brain has to have as much "free time" as possible, so whilst being in this sleep state, he is actually recovering in a convoluted way.

What you are seeing are the positive signs like reacting to the dog barking, showing that his mind is active and rebuilding to the sounds.

Whilst it may a bit cold, what it also does is gives you and the family time to make changes for when he comes out. All too soon will come the time when your son is discharged and the family will have to cope with what will be a "new" person in the family. He will still be your son but may talk and act very differently for a while as he goes through "recovery" it may be easy and it may be extremely challenging.

You have come across a good bunch of people on here that will try and support you through this. May I be as bold as to suggest that you read some of the older posts on here to read on others experiences, which will all be different to your sons but at least will prepare you.

Never be embarrassed or shy to post on here, we have either gone through it as a patient or family member.

All the best

[Dogsabighelp in reply to sospan]

Thanks so much,this is first time I've been able to read advice and talk to others.I've been dealing with police this week they have told me what they know,and its not good.there are some issues of concern so they are going to do a "re construction". I have my own thoughts about this but making me angry so I try to focus on keeping to a daily routine.

[sospan in reply to Dogsabighelp]

Quite often these days the reconstruction is recreated by computer software which much easier and surprisingly accurate.

You may find that your son could be discharged in what will seem a very quick time. As many of us have found, NHS support falls of a cliff, in that once your son is discharged there will be very little help in terms of rehabilitation.

May I suggest you begin in engaging with one of the military support/charity organisations soon. Whilst their main focus will be on supporting your son, they will also help the family adjust.

All the best

[Dogsabighelp in reply to sospan]

That's a great idea sospan.fortunately my son is with the territorial army who are aware of the situation his officers have been in touch with me regularly this last 6 weeks.Im finding it hard to accept the car driver that hit my son was not speeding due to the many other injuries he has.the weather was very bad that evening heavy rain and sleet and accident happened on a very windey b road which accidents have happened on before.I would imagine this is why they are waiting for a evening with similar conditions to cover every possibility of any wrongdoing regarding driver.I'm not sure how I feel about this to be honest,but should they have found drugs/alcohol then I think it possible I may have lost my sanity...

[sospan in reply to Dogsabighelp]

I had my Head injury in 2012 about 2 weeks after my 50th birthday. I spent 7 years battling back to be as near normal as possible and my wife and looking forward to a year of celebration of being married for 35 years.

In April 2019 we were driving and my I said to my wife, "there is a car behind flashing his lights and sounding his horn" then the guy crossed over to the other lane and deliberately rammed us. I needed surgery on my right leg and only managed to walk properly again just before Christmas. My got another brain injury, lost part of the vision in her left eye, still needs surgery on her left knee and shoulder. When the Police asked him why "having a bad day!"

In November 2019, my wife went out for the day, with my daughter and a van reversed the wrong down a one street into my wife. She was only shaken but the guy refused to accept he had done anything wrong and refused to give his details - despite being sat in a sign written van.

In December 2019, my wife was stopped at a roundabout on a rainy night and supermarket delivery truck ran into the back of her. He hit her so hard our car travelled 94 feet before stopping. As you can imagine my wife was quite badly hurt and has now only limited vision amongst all the other injuries. The guy had some of the thickest glasses I have ever seen. Whether he should have been driving with such poor eyesight on a dark, rainy night is questionable let alone the speed he was travelling.

So can share the feelings about the injustice of road traffic collisions

[Dogsabighelp in reply to sospan]

Well,kinda lost for words..bad luck?seriously you have had some times?so much of help tho I thankyou for it.I move everyday between terror/anger.I swear I'm grateful I can't go to visit my son yet the need is strong..it all gets too much and I'm so angry for this situation.I don't sleep and have so much guilt and fear.I understand investigations etc,but its a lot to deal with,I'm so tired am close to breaking.why did this happen now?pandemic/lockdown?why now?I'm helpless I feel so out of touch.I vomit waiting for contact with hospital always engaged,and then not anything.first time I have never been able to take control.I hate how I'm feeling but can't manage.there is a vent I apologise I know you will get itxxx

[sospan in reply to Dogsabighelp]

Thanks, in between all that was going on with car crashes; my mother passed away, my youngest daughter had a hip replacement in her 20's, my idiot neighbour smashed into our car on purpose and then smashed our front door

But yes everything comes at the wrong time. You would be surprised how many family members have gone down the well trodden path that you are on. Many in the small hours of the morning have let off steam and had a good rant. It isn't anything to be ashamed of - it is just part of the adjustment process.

What some wards have done is to arrange a face time/zoom call so that you can you son more often. The stimulus may also help develop his senses and bring him back.

The other thing is to contact the Headway helpline, they will give you some reassurance and set some expectations.

[Dogsabighelp in reply to sospan]

Thanks for support.my loveley neighbours have go an I pod we are putting together son of sons favorite songs hopefully it will help his recovery

[sospan in reply to Dogsabighelp]

No problem that is why we are all here - to contribute and support

Don't forget to put some dog noises on !

All the best on your journey

[Pairofboots]

Hi, sorry to hear about your son. I am sure that he is receiving the best treatment.

I think it is harder for the family and loved one's. The unknown is a scary place to be. We tend to want answers, sometimes they cannot be answered, so our imagination fills in the blanks, usually imagining the worst case scenario.

There is nothing wrong with being forewarned, but often we over think. It is difficult, but you can only live in the now, process what the current situation is. What will be will be, and you will handle it with support. So try to not over think. Deal with the now, take a deep breath and try not to worry about the what ifs.

I know this is a difficult time, but I wish your son well, and wish you well.

[Dogsabighelp in reply to Pairofboots]

Thankyou so muchx