Frustrating

[AliPali2177]

Hey, I’m frustrated today, I don’t know why.

I wish I was just the normal me

[Pairofboots]

Hi Ali, I think we all go through those feelings. It's not like the aftermath of a broken leg, you just might have a limp.

You are still you, and you are a new you. There may be things that the new you struggles with.

It took me a long time to find peace with the new me, and there are still days that I get frustrated. I am lucky in some respects in that I have retained many of the skills I had. The problem is that I can't get my brain to agree, and I don't have the physical strength I used to have, not that I was Mr Universe.

I tend to think of myself as mark1, and mark ll (me name isn't Mark, it's Ian) , mark ll will be 10yrs old in a couple of months. The two versions of me often have an argument with mark1 tell mark ll to get on with things, and mark ll saying (like a stroppy kid) I can't be bothered.

I get fed up with the pills and potions, just wish I could have a day off, but mark1 knows that mark ll will suffer if I do.

You don't say when you had your hiccup, or how far into recovery you are, so I won't give you "the it gets better", but if you are struggling please reach out for help either from contacting Headway and having a chat, your GP, rehab team, or the Samaritans. I have reached out to all of them at times. I am now in a better place, but I know that I could slip again, and would scream from the roof tops if I needed (I don't have a ladder long enough, and I could do with cleaning the gutters, but I don't like heights), but I hope you get my drift.

Keep safe, and I and others are here anytime if you need.

[AliPali2177 in reply to Pairofboots]

Thank you so much

You are amazing, keep being you xx

[Pairofboots in reply to AliPali2177]

Just remember, you are amazing too xx

[Headshrink in reply to Pairofboots]

Thanks i liked that. I think 2 years later i still need to avcept my new self although am still figuring out who that is exactly?..i think its going to take a while, really weird

[Pairofboots in reply to Headshrink]

Yes it is weird. Almost like being reborn with a memory.

Most of the time we don't have to think who we are. We have developed over many years, we have cultivated how we fit into the world.

Then one day, hay presto, we have to make a conscious effort to understand ourselves. It's something no one ever learns how to do. We have to work out how we relate to others with our new brain.

No one unless they have been through it can fully understand. At the same time people that we may have known for years tip toe around trying to understand us.

It took me a long time to make peace with the new me. Make peace first. The rest will come.

I'm always about for any one, as the community is here for me. Ask for help/support/or even just to vent, there will be someone here. You are a member of an exclusive club, and only special people are admitted.

[Headshrink in reply to Pairofboots]

Thanks. Im really struggling with it to be honest and yes people you know dont know what to do. I havent changed massively its very subtle but i feel like i need to remove all those people from my life to move forward? However that leaves me with nobody but a blank slate

[Headshrink in reply to Pairofboots]

Would be good to chat sometime, we are from similar backgrounds, ages life experiences etc

[Pairofboots in reply to Headshrink]

I'm sorry to hear that. I felt the same, if only I could up and leave and start a fresh. Happenstance stepped in. I lost my house thanks to cross wires with the DWP and the tax office. Had to sell up before we went under, then the bugger's sorted themselves out just after moving into rented. That cost more than the mortgage. I asked numerous banks about a mortgage, eventually found one that would help, but it wasn't anything near to what I needed to stay in the same area. So had to look elsewhere. My ex as she is now did the scouting, and I took her recommendation. Even on the day we moved, I thought I was moving to the Midlands, Yorkshire at a push. Well the angel of the north was a clue where we were going. Well that explains the ex.

It did give me a new start, but even nearly seven years on, I'm not at all settled. So it's not something I would personally recommend, but that is me.

You are welcome to chat anytime, you are not alone, but take little steps as you move forward. One thing at a time.

I'll check your profile and hit follow, that way you'll be sure I'll catch up, you can do the same in my profile.

Never struggle alone, always reach out.