On reading the effects of ABI on Headway site I saw a small mention of spending more than you can afford, I have looked for further information on this ever since. Yesterday I found an Australian site ABIOS which mentioned this in more detail saying “buys expensive items that have no purpose without considering the consequences.
I had my abi left frontal lobe benign tumour partly removed in May 2018, followed by multiple complications including 7 weeks in ITU. Before discharge in September I had a total thyroidechtomy which I’ve since learnt can cause similar emotional problems.
My go said this is quite a common affect of BI. Anyone else had similar problems..
Written by
Misty4
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I learned the hard way, had no idea this could be a problem. We were all so taken up with the fact i had survived no thought was given to this until—-
I maxed out all my credit cards and there was never enough in the bank to cover the bills.
I likened it to giving an eight year old full control of a bank account and credit.
It will take me another 3 years to pay it all back.
My husband has been great, when i begged him to take over the finances he said no, i could do it before and i would learn again.
And so i have but its been a long hard lesson, still ongoing. I check my bank account regularly and whether there is sufficient for bills. My credit cards, which i still have but very rarely use, have been consolidated by the bank.
We are fine now and i still have a little i can spend on myself every month.
Wow. Thanks for that, makes me feel a little less alone. Sadly I’m a widow and was a foster carer of 30+years when my bi was diagnosed in 2018. My children are all adults living their own lives, they try to help me, my daughter has taken over my finances as figures mean nothing to me now.
I too didn't know it's a Thing until I recently found this group. Earlier on it was a big problem for me, I was always buying everything, or giving money to charities, my parents had to advance me some money in the end so I didn't get into big problems at the bank. I would obsess about something and had to buy everything to do with whatever that particular obsession was. Now that I'm more aware of doing this I do try to ask myself, do I really need to buy 500 of those things and for the most part I manage to reason with myself and realise I'm doing it again. It doesn't always work. I don't know why it's a Thing. Spending money I mean. Maybe it is a comfort thing. Or maybe it's seeing life in such short terms. Like I don't "save for the future" because I live day to day because you can't guarantee there'll be a tomorrow.
Absolutely Misty. As soon as I was mobile again I was buying all the new clothes, furniture, tech, gifts for others etc., etc., I could lay my hands on. My bank balance started dwindling and I found myself constantly checking I had enough in my account to pay my monthly standing orders & the supermarket bill.
The light bulb moment came 3 or 4 years later, when I was (once again) forced to sort out my wardrobes to make room for new stuff. I looked around at the piles of nearly new clothes I didn't need or want ---- all destined for the charity shop --- and the word 'problem' came to mind.
I'm sure it's a mixture of cramming in as much compensation as possible after dicing with critical illness, and the feeling of security we get from surrounding ourselves with 'things'. And your thyroid issue could certainly have played a part.
I'm past the problem now thank goodness, and things bought as occasional treats rather than by habit feel so much more special. I'm appreciating stuff more and without the guilt or anxiety.
I hope you'll find the wherewithal to 'Just say no' m'love.......hard at first but SO worth it long term ! Love Cat x
Yes, it is a 'thing' the fact that I can budget on paper, means diddly squat out there in the world with a debit card... only card I have now. yes, my credit score may not be as good as those with a credit card - but its credit right.. able to PAY BACK - stop robbing your future self on trivial things...
In seriousness.. I've seen a few places where info relation to BI and money management info come together from various professional places. As with banks etc, may be a clause of 'mental capacity' for financial dealings etc. need someone to confirm and explain this better..
no consideration over finances etc. admittedly i suffer from this also and have in the both forgot to pay bills - as well as setting up systems to make sure they get paid - only to forget i put the DD / SO in place and paid the bill - twice.. not to mention countless bank charges etc etc..
My ex said I was useless with money - the fact i could earn it... - but they where happy to allow me to pay for most things and or help spend it with / for me.. also please bear in mind that this may open someone up to financial abuse for those already suffering.
If people do struggle, please inform your bank etc for help with money management etc and if needs be, setting limits / reminders / alerts to upcoming payments - whatever hack you can you can - set a date in phone calender for regular payments etc.. allow someone the 'Power Of Attorney' or similar for financial matters if get to that stage.
I would suggest a few tweaks to way of thinking, such as 'Do I need this?' or Wait a few days, see if still want it.. or a passing fad etc. speak with someone **(edited as didnt realise you where widower til later replies)** and perhaps set a limit on your purchase power and to discuss with them any thing that cos over the limit.
I know how hard it is is climbing out of debt - still climbing now but slowly. another misery for BI that people dont consider.
for me, its harder now things are more digital banking as opposed to cold hard cash - cant see it, nothing tactile to quantify amount etc.. abstract - cant get a handle on it easier. like trying to catch mist...
Hope this helps answer your question, and hopefully helps someone in due course.
Absolutely a common issue. If there’s compensation due from an accident an early Payout can be a disaster. Reduced self-awareness and memory can lead to all manner of unwise financial decisions whether ‘investment’, purchases, gambling or vulnerability to scammers.
Well done to you for being honest with yourself and also to your daughter for stepping in. I think at least temporarily handing over Power of Attorney isn’t considered enough in cases of Frontal Lobe injuries...
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