My husband had a brain haemorrhage a week ago.

[beth3]

One week ago tonight my husband experienced a brain haemorrhage. He has had a procedure and is awake and can talk. I feel totally overwhelmed with whats happened and don't know where to start with preparing for life as a wife and a mum after this event. Any advice at all would be helpful. Thank you

[Lynd]

Hello Beth

My husband has had an anoxic brain injury August 2018.

I would suggest that for the moment you just try to organize your life so you are having breaks and eating well.

It is normally a long road to recovery so I would prepare mentally for that.

Headway have a help line and lots of

Information re brain injury. You can down load some of it from their website.

You will still be very shocked at the moment so just try to take it day by day.

[beth3 in reply to Lynd]

Hello,

thank you so much for your reply, I'm a week on now, as to where I was when I first posted.

I am amazed to say that my husband came home last night after two weeks in hospital. He will receive more care and OT support at home but is doing well, but of course very tired. I think Im even more shocked that he is home already and that in my care!! but we seem to be doing ok so far. Although I do keep checking on him. I did contact the help line as you suggested and the lady who spoke to me was amazing. She listened and let me cry and gave gentle advice, just what I needed. Thank you so much for posting your advice it really did help. Wish you and your family well. Bethx

[Lynd in reply to beth3]

Hi Beth

You may need to contact social services for a carers assessment.

It is a very early discharge but they may feel your Husband is safer out of hospital with the virus problem.

There is also a website called turrn2us where you can calculate any benefits you may be entitled to.

Hope all goes well for you x

[beth3 in reply to Lynd]

Hello again, I know what you mean about the early discharge, but I do feel better about him being home with all the Caronavirus issues. He too wanted to be home. Thats excellent advice about the careers assessment. I remember doing something similar for my dad when I cared for him so I will definitely look into that again and have a look on the turn2us site. Thanks ever so much. Wishing you a good day. Beth

[cat3]

Beth, you'll be in a surreal state at the moment ; the suddenness of a brain haemorrhage is shocking. I had a subarachnoid haemorrhage 8 years ago and my son & daughter were beside themselves with fear and disbelief. I had an emergency coiling procedure and 2 months rehab and gradually their fear started to subside as I began making sense and taking my first steps.

It'll be a long journey for your man and for you in your separate ways. For you it's a tense period of watching and waiting, maybe for what might seem like forever depending on his rate of progress. And because every person & every brain is unique no one, not even the doctors, can foresee the short or long term outcome so it can be exhausting for loved ones emotionally.

Although it might be incomparable, my personal recollection of the first weeks was dreamlike and disjointed. I later learned my family feared I'd be permanently brain damaged owing to my bizarre behaviour. I didn't recognise my 40 year old daughter who I was very close to and I was disruptively pulling out tubes and catheters, talking utter nonsense and making outrageous claims (no recollection of these).

My point is that such strange behaviour is commonplace whilst the brain is trying to recalibrate and to make sense of thoughts and images after a massive blip. And progress can fluctuate, so a low point can be worrying after promising signs, but it's natural for the brain to alternate between fighting for rationality one day then feeling exhausted the next.

You're right at the outset of something weird and unreal but, I promise you, the overwhelming consensus is that once the patient wakes and speaks there's every reason to be hopeful. Be prepared for a long haul, but meanwhile make time for your own regular respite. You'll need to be on good form for when your man comes home.

Keep us updated m'love. All best wishes for the best possible outcome...… Cat x

[beth3 in reply to cat3]

Hello,

Thank you so much for your reply, I'm a week on now as to where I was when I first posted, and we have had good and bad days. I am amazed to say that my husband came home last night after two weeks in hospital! He will receive more care and OT support at home but is doing well, but of course very tired. There is some change that is noticeable but not worrying but I think it will now be very much a learning curve for us all with regard to his health (both physically and mentally). we will be getting phone calls shortly from the hospital to put procedures into place but for now we are just so happy to be together again. I wanted to thank you for replying to my message. it meant such a lot at a time when I felt completely venerable and out of my depth. I still feel that way, but something has changed which allows me to take each day a step at a time. Im sure I'll be back on seeking further support as time goes on but for now, thank you! wishing you and your family well. Bethx

[cat3 in reply to beth3]

That's it Beth ; One day at a time, and waiting for the good days to start outweighing the not so good. It takes time to get the hang of such drastic, unexpected changes, but I hope you'll be looking back in a few months time and marvelling at how far your man has progressed and how well you've coped ; I really do..... xx

[ABIfamily]

Hi Beth. We went through the same thing just before Christmas. You will be in shock right now, and finding it hard to make sense of things. Try and eat properly, get enough sleep and stay in some sort of routine. Make sure you ask friends and family for help if needed. It will be hard to know what the outcome will be right now, so extremely hard to plan and manage uncertainties you will be facing. Write your questions down and ask the medical staff to answer them. Try and remain cautiously positive, as recovery can be rapid in the first few weeks, but no one will really be able to tell you how well he recover at this stage. Headway has useful leaflets - maybe have a look at those and share with friends and family. Hope it all goes well for you and thinking of you. X

[beth3 in reply to ABIfamily]

Hello,

Thank you so much for your reply, I'm one week on now as to when I first posted, having experienced both good and bad days. I am amazed to say that my husband came home last night after two weeks in hospital. He will receive more care and OT support at home but is doing well, but of course very tired. I am very much aware of what you told me "recovery can be rapid in the first few weeks, but no one will really be able to tell you how well he recover at this stage" this has helped so much to prepare me - as much as it can, for progression to slow down and even stop for a while. Your message came at a time that I was completely in the wilderness and I want to thank you for replying and giving me advice that was so much needed by me. I know we are only at the beginning of our journey with lots of bumps I guess along the road, but I wanted to say thank you for being there at a time when I really was lost. Wishing you and your family well. Bethx

[leila65]

Hi Beth

Sorry to hear what you going through... My son had a TBI 7months ago... So i know a little about how difficult it can be especially in the early days... The things that helped me...

Allowing myself to be however I was on any day... Such a roller-coaster of emotions and fears... Realising they will all pass through you if you allow them and not to judge yourself too much for not coping on days you don't.

Having people to talk to... Who listen and either just hear you... Or give advice when appropriate yet don't try to make out what you going thru is a picnic.. I found helped. Headway... Other counselling... Friends who just listened or would offer practical help are a godsend.

Concentrating on your needs.... 'What would make this easier for me to handle?' what things/ people can you let go of for now. The situation you are facing will take All of your energy and you are a mum too... So it's vital you limit giving more energy than you can to others. Ask for help... Admit if you get to a stage where you aren't coping... And don't be too proud to be fully honest with your doctor if you aren't.

Be as kind as as gentle to yourself during this process as you can be... Is a lot to face... But you can and will get thru the other side. Focus on the positives as they happen... I remember the slightest new thing my son could do... From opening one eye... To being able to say the word 'tea' when asked what he wanted to drink... Where all times of huge celebration! Keep a vision of your husband being healed whole a complete... And when the fear comes in... Remind yourself of the positives you have celebrated... Read the stories on here of people overcoming incredible challenges... And know that you are not alone... And there is always someone who will share advice love or kind words to support you.

Wishing you and your hubby the very best in his recovery... Sending love and prayers. X Ley

[beth3 in reply to leila65]

Hello,

Thank you so much for your reply, I'm a week on now as to when I first posted, and we have had good and bad days. I am amazed to say that my husband came home last night after two weeks in hospital. He will receive more care and OT support at home but is doing well, but of course very tired. Its only the start of his journey to recovery but your words to remember the positives we have celebrated so far when its not going so well has really helped and I know will really help in the future. Thank you so much for replying, it really means the world to get help and support from such lovely people. Wishing you and your family well. Bethx

[leila65 in reply to beth3]

Oh wow that's amazing!! You are very welcome! It's nice to help people going through it as it can feel very scary. Hope you adapt and yes keep hold of those positives as he is likely to have good days and not so good days (it's hard when that happens to not think he is going backwards!) however it's all part of the healing process. Best of luck to you both x

[Flurry123]

Hello Beth

My husband and my two daughters have had brain haemorrhages so I do understand what you must be going through and feeling.

My advice to you is to try to stay positive and take each day as it comes. You must try to get as much sleep as you can( though through my own experience that in itself is hard) and eat as well as you can and dont be hard on yourself if that means an easier option of having ready meals.

My husband was really bad at the beginning unable to speak, eat or even sit up in bed. He has recovered well and has good days and not so good days but I am eternally grateful that he is alive and as well as he is .

My eldest daughter has had four brain haemorrhages over about twelve years but she is physically well and trying to live as independently as possible. My youngest daughter has had the best recovery of all and has a family and enjoys working full time.

Each recovery is different and both of you need to stay positive and also fight to get the best support and care you can from the NHS and social services because help is not always offered.

I wish you well .

[beth3 in reply to Flurry123]

Hello,

thank you so much for your reply, Im a week on now to where I was when I first posted, and like you said we have had good and bad days. I am amazed to say that my husband came home last night after two weeks in hospital. He will receive more care and OT support at home but is doing well, but of course very tired. Its interesting you say about fighting for support from the NHS and Social Services. The support he received while on the critical care ward and ITU was amazing but the ward he was moved onto until his release from hospital did make me worry. From your experience would you recommend contacting social services directly. Once again thank you so much and I wish you and your family, good health. Bethx

[JULIETstevens]

hang on in there, just be there for a cuddle and listen to him as to his hopes and needs. everyone finds their own wau through the trauma. the best you can do is just be there to encourage him. he will thank you in the end. i went through denial for a while, then turned against my hubby and blamed him for my injury. i didn't mean it though and he sood by me and now the meds are working fine, i'm independent in the home (apart from doing up my bra!) and have plans to try and become an author now i've had to give up my high-flying job i had. life will find a way, go with it. juliet x