About 2 1/2 months ago I managed to fall down the stairs. I was expecting to get me head stitched up and back to work. I was a bit shocked when I got admitted for a small brain bleed.
3 years ago, I had a bit of a mental breakdown (working too hard) and am on pills. I've tried to come off them unsuccessfully.
I've always had a bit of a disregard for feeling poorly. It's always been a waste of my time, boring as hell and usually I just have plowed on regardless with as minimal drugs as possible.
Now:
1. I feel like a fraud. Other people have proper injuries!
2. I tried to work (default setting) but work have been worried about me and said "go home". So what happens now? How long before work says "it's not working" how long before I have to realise "I can't keep mucking you around - I will leave"
3. Dad had a stroke 3 weeks before I headbutted the front door. Normally I would have been back and forth to see him (he's about 3 hrs away). It's caused no end of worry. I've not felt able to travel but now I am off I have arranged to go to see him. I'm just worried about going so far. My mum is also recently admitted to a home (altzeimers) so it will be the first time I see her
4. The rest of it: I want to ride my bike again (non wobbly), I want to get on my horse again, I want to be able to wake up at 6:30am and finish at 7:30 -8:00pm ish and still have the energy to cook, I'd like to actually "cook" like I used to, go to watch a match at the pub without it being too much (or big supermarket for that matter)
My friend Steve encouragingly despairs of me as he knows I am really not patient with all this. I'm learning to "begrudgingly" respect all this.
I know I am being a bit of a miserable nonsense in this post - but really I am mostly smiley 😀 (if a bit sweary)
It's just all a bit of a nuisance and I have no clue (even after reading a bit) how to make it go away
Written by
Georgelovesjumping
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OK George, time for a reality check. I really do relate to the 'Just get on with it' approach to life but, after a brain bleed 7 years ago, I learned that trying to do so after a brain injury is comparable to expecting a computer with a damaged motherboard to work normally.
You may need to make adjustments to your daily life and job …... (especially considering the issues with mum & dad) because it can take many months to get the hang of living with the after -effects of a brain injury and coming to terms with changes or impairment of certain skills/abilities.
Your healing brain needs you to rest when fatigue hits, take regular walks, eat healthily, drink loads of water and avoid alcohol. No one knows what the long term effects of brain injury will be ; it's a case of wait & see ……...and do everything possible in the meantime to achieve maximum progress.
Please contact the Headway helpline for printed information and advice on traumatic brain injury. The tel. no. is 0808 800 2244 - office hours/free calls. See you later. Best wishes, Cat x
Thank you Cat. I'm learning that "kicking against it" doesn't work certainly. I only like water and coffee at minute and do yard duties when I can (basically walking round a field at min). Ive wandered round website but haven't had courage to phone yet - but will do.
Honestly, no courage needed to phone the helpline George ! You'll speak to a welcoming member of Headway who'll listen......and help without judgement. Good luck... 🙂☓
In January, I also just fell down the stairs at home but this caused a massive traumatic brain injury, broke the base and most of the right hand side of my skull, Subarahnoid haemorrhage, as well as other things. Like you, this has just been one massive pain in my backside.
Once I came out of my coma, all that bothered me was that they had shaved my beautiful waist length hair off! I didn't give one thought to the horrendous accident I had had. Luckily I have had no problems since my accident except for my horrific temper but I am diagnosed as nuts so I put that down to that fact - I'm diagnosed with Bipolar Affective Disorder. However, I do experience two other issues that I didn't have before my accident 1, I never sleep, chronic insomnia, I barely yawn and I don't know what it's like to feel tired 2, I do everything at the speed of light, I can't keep still to even watch a 30 minutes programme on the telly.
But as Cat has expressed, your injured brain needs time to heal, yes I know I should take my own advice. Remember our brain determines everything about us, physically and mentally, especially our personalities and emotions. You are experiencing some difficult times what with your accident, your dads stroke, work etc, even somebody who hadn't experienced what happend to us would struggle.
Seriously my friend just give it some time and remember the brain is functioning and working 24/7 so it is under constant pressure so when it needs a bit of time to repair and relax our actions, physicality, emotions and personally may be a little impaired. Just be nice to yourself.
I wish you peace, happiness, good health and a lot of luck for your future,
First of all Please Do Read, your own Post through....Now, you have had a Brain Injury, you have had a Severe Shock, Your Whole Body has been SEVERLY Shaken. Let me, try at least, to answer some of your questions.
FIRSTLY, and listen Carefully here....You ARE NOT a Fraud, have you 'Got that', I'll say it again, only Louder...YOU ARE NOT A FRAUD...You have had a Brian Injury! Secondly, you are NOT a Fraud, if you doubt this, read 'Firstly' Above.
How long, your Employer, will- indeed can- keep you Position Open, I honestly can't say. That they have, thus far, means that they DO want you back. Have you Spoken, to them?
I can't tell you, what you REALLY want/ need to know, unfortunately here are just, too many, variables. I Don't know, how severe your Injury was, I Don't know, what Area- of your Brain- was injured (this IS Critical). I Don't know what, if any, Treatment you were given initially. Although, your Parents 'Problems' SHOULDN'T be a factor- in YOUR Recovery- again I can't absolutely guarantee this.
Can I ask You a question now please? By what Definition is your Injury NOT a 'Proper Injury'? You have had a Bleed on your brain, YES YOUR BRAIN! This Injury is quite clearly, causing you considerable, and clearly long Lasting Problems....why is this NOT 'Proper'?
Now I'm going to be VERY 'Blunt' here I'm sorry, in advance, if this offends you....You have had a BRAIN INJURY, indeed a BLEED on your BRAIN. If you had Broken, your leg, would you be able to RUN on it? If you had Broken your BACK, would you be able to even Move? If you had had a Heart Attack, would you be able to Weigh Lift? You have Damaged your BRAIN, the Organ that 'Controls' EVERY OTHER PART of your body! Sorry but without being, I hope, too 'Crude'...Give Yourself Some F..king TIME, for GAWD SAKE!
I absolutely DO understand, your Frustrations, George and, I'll admit, I have NO immediate answers, for you. (I know that I'm 'About As Much Use As A Chocolate Tea Pot, In A Furnace'.) I DO have a few 'Words Of Wisdom', for you, however....Firstly, and Most Importantly, You are ALIVE! Secondly you have now Asked, for Help- I'm answering you remember? Thirdly You have an Employer who, at least, seems to want you back. You CAN still Cook, it just might take you longer- perhaps a LOT longer- than it used to.
You will, I promise you, NEVER be The Same as you were....now what was Point one Again....Oh Yes, You are Alive! Can I make another Promise here? If you give yourself, the TIME, you Will find Pastures New. Maybe Art, Craft, Music, Literature, Pottery....the list is Endless as are the Possibilities because you are ALIVE! I'm sorry to, keep on, Banging On about this....but it's true. Can I leave you with one 'Positive' thought, one given to me by my First Love, many years ago...'Love Wasn't Put in The Heart, To Stay, love Isn't love Until you Give it Away.
Thank you. I needed that! I think I was particularly miserable when I wrote the post. I am aware that I am alive and could easily of killed myself. I'm naturally programmed to "not be a nuisance" and all this is a nuisance to everyone. Dad is quite stressed at the minute and that's taking its toll.
I'm "getting it" gradually - I know things will take time and that I have to give myself time. It's just bloody hard!
I know this may, very well, sound strange- even Weird - but I have just given you a 'Cheer and Round Of Applause'. You have taken an, admittedly Tentative, but nevertheless- Very Big Step. You will 'Look Back', in time, and realise Why I Applauded you- for now just accept the Good Wishes.
I'm not going to 'Bang On', about this but... You Are NOT a Nuisance, not by a Long Chalk. What you ARE is 'Rather Frightened, Lost, Unsure and 'Feel' Hopeless/ Useless- you are no doubt, in need of 'Friendship'. At least ONE, of these, we can ALL help you with- we ARE ALL your Friends, and that is a 'Cast Iron' Promise. A lot, of us are, -and again I say this NOT in a Patronising way- Fairly Aware, of how you feel....We have Been 'There' ourselves.
Be Honest George, who is there 'Better' to ask, than our 'Rag Tag' Mob? Some of us are Fat (that would be ME), some of us have lost limbs, some of us are unable/ hardly able to walk, Some of us can hardly talk, some of us then are blind, or deaf, need I go on? If 'anyone' can, begin to understand, how you are Feeling then surely it must be US! Come on be a 'Sport', give us a try. (We won't bite...well not Hard anyway...)
You are not a fraud! Take care of yourself. Call the Headway helpline for excellent support and advice. Above all, listen to your body. I wish you all the best.
Keep that smiles for down days as that's when we need them. Stress can tire you out that's when I hibernate for a while. Try longer dinner breaks and more sleeps ie 15 mins to eat and a catnap for the rest of lunch break ...I also get tired and need a sleep went to bed but couldn't sleep so had a shower ...Good luck and keep trying relaxing things. I sing or watch boring things on TV then I go soundo ..Good luck xxxxx
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