Me!

[Coznick]

I had astroke in October! I’m 45. I miss workk snd friends. Daily struggle

[lcd8]

Hi Coznick. I feel for you. In 2016 I had a 'stroke mimic' at the age of 43. I had left-sided weakness, same as a stroke victim. But didn't have the actual stroke, just some sort of neurological reaction to something else. Things were hard at the time but fortunately my amazing family and friends got me through it. I tried to stay positive and forced myself to do exercises to get my mobility back. Do you perhaps have a community health team that could help? Might be worth getting in touch to see.

Lulu x

[Coznick in reply to lcd8]

Thanks! Headway coming to see me soon xx

[Danger19]

Hello my lovely,

Firstly I want you to know you are not alone, I feel exactly the same way. Everyday I struggle to accept what happened to me as I don't remember anything about the accident. My guilt and the feeling of absolute misery is due to the fact that my 10 yr old and 14 yr old found me and experienced going through hell and coming out the other end. I have amazing parents, a sister I adore and two brilliant children who contributed toward saving my life. The guilt I have for my family is undesirable.

I too am 45 yrs old and I am well aware of that feeling that comes from a brain injury whether it's due to an accident or a stroke. I simply had an accident, I just fell down the12 stairs in my home. This simple accident caused a massive traumatic brain injury, broke the base and most of the right side of my skull, Subarahnoid haemorrhage, blood clots and huge hematomas across my forehead and both eyes. I was extremely lucky, the medical professionals were adamant I would not survive and if I did I would be in a vegative state. Despite this, once I regained consciousness I practically made an instant recovery. The worst thing for me, I know it sounds selfish and ungrateful, but they shaved my beautiful waist length hair off to do my operation. It was the first thing I was aware of when I regained consciousness and I was so angry and aggressive towards the nurses and the doctors. The only thing that has allowed me to cope with this is that my sister who is a hairdresser bought me a beautiful real hair wig but even this doesn't make it any easier to live with.

I have to admit that I am a loner, probably because I don't trust anybody and I don't have a partner as my husband disappeared 10 yrs ago just before my 10 yr old was born and I will not bring any men into my children's lives or put them at risk by introducing a strange man to their lives. They have a wonderful uncle and grandfather, they are the only two men I trust with them.

I was also diagnosed yrs ago with Bipolar Affective Disorder, this can have an extreme effect on me emotionallty even though I am very well medicated for it. To be really honest with you, once I was discharged from hospital I started wishing I had never survived the accident! These negative feelings are nothing to do with my Bipolar, it is extremely well controlled and the feelings are stronger than anything I have experienced before. To make matters even worse is that since my brain injury, I never sleep! Tonight will be my fifty third night without so much as ten minutes sleep. I know that a lot of people following a brain injury suffer with extreme fatigue. I would just like to know or remember how it feels to be tired or to want to go to bed. Being asleep helps us escape from a nightmare existence for however long the sleep lasts. There just seems to be no break for me.

I am just waffling on to emphasis the difficulty coping with what has happened to us and the fear of something extremely serious and scary happening to us in the future. I feel very alone and as though I constantly need to emphasise that I am competent and still intelligent enough to look after my children. The staff at Addenbrookes reported me to social services because my children found me after my accident and live alone with me. I feel as though I am constantly being watched and as though I have to keep proving my ability to look after my own children it's even harder as I feel I am constantly under suspicion. There are children out there that desperately need intervention and care yet social services are waisting time and important, much needed intervention for children that really need help.

I hope what I have told you helps you to see that you are definitely not alone. I will always respond to any messages and I will be thinking of you.

I wish you peace, happiness, good health and loads of luck for the future,

Vikki

[boxergirl777 in reply to Danger19]

Hey Vikki

Gotta say you have had some crappy times girl....

But your tough cookie....

I read your reply to Coznick ..but had to just say to you that i have a lot of respect and empathy to you, folks like you who keep going and stand their ground when need too...

Your so right about social services...stupid at best of times....why they would be

bothering someone who clearly loves their kids and who fell down stairs??? is ridiculous!! they need to go find the real crap Mothers who spend days shooting up, snorting drugs , drinking themselves to death and putting their kids in front of tv to watch endless crappy mindless dvd's while they're on face book or on shopping channels!!!

I think your children will be fine Vikki....yes it would have been a shock for them...but they will also have seen the strength their Mother has shown in dealing with life's unexpected sucker punches and how you went through a hellish journey but came through the other side and continue to face life full on...standing strong in the face of adversity ! children grow both in the good and bad times they will be stronger for it...it was awful but isn't life awful at times?

Your children have witnessed the love of their close relatives help you and by that help them, this will make them feel safe and see that when something terrible happens they can cope...and family comes together to support each other.

Your an incredibly strong Mother to go through this and coping with your mental health illness as well!! which alone is hard i'm sure....please don't allow your own fears and guilt to continue ....you fell it was accident??

Guilt is a wasted emotion and of no help to you on this one......play the game with social services...yes let them tick their boxes, ...you know how it goes if you speak against them or challenge their authority they will be waving the flag your not fit and make it harder...crazy as that is...eventually they will move on

Concentrate on healing and i'm certain you will still rock even with shorter hair..

Wishing you all the best....keep the faith....hugs

[Coznick in reply to boxergirl777]

I used to be a child protection lawyer, believe me social services will getboted soon enough so stay strong xx

[Coznick in reply to Coznick]

Sorry I meant bored!!!

[Danger19 in reply to Coznick]

Thank you so much for that message as after reading it you finally made me see that there will be an end in sight. Today my family and I had to plan, under scrutiny by the social workers how we would cope in the future if I found myself in situaton where I was no longer capable mentally ot physically to care for my children. My family and I did manage to agree a plan if this did happen and social services have agreed that they are happy with what has been decided so will now go and bother somebody else, they will step out as they no longer have concerns for my children. This has made me one extremely happy lady and I really appreciate your message. If I hadn't been told the good news today that they were finally going to back off then your message would have given me some hope.

I wish you a lifetime of peace, happiness, good health and lots of luck,

Vikki

[Coznick in reply to Danger19]

Uou too, here if you ever need menoeho bethegreat mum that you clearly are! Lucky kids xx

[Danger19 in reply to boxergirl777]

Hello my lovely,

Thank you so much for your beautiful, thoughtful, positive message. I really appreciate all the support from your message. You are so right about social services, I'll tell you something about them that will make you laugh out loud. So my 14 yr old son has a friend at school. When he would come to play computers with Alfie, my son, he never wanted to go home and would beg me to let him stay. I knew there was something wrong as he often had bruises on his face and his mother would shout disgusting abuse down the phone when he spoke to her. His mother was so abusive that when my 10yr old daughter heard her shouting down the phone, she would cry.

When social services went to see Alfie in school to see if everything at home was ok he cried and told them how worried he was about his friend, how he had seen his friend attacked and punched in the face by his mum. He also witnessed her threaten his friend with a knife. So the social worker reported this to the school and told me she was going to interview his mum. I spoke to the social worker and explained that if she contacted his mother social services would be putting him an unsafe situation. On speaking to my sons friend he asked if he could come and stay with us. Social services did their checks and agreed that he was in a very risky environment. They asked me if he could come and stay with us which I instantly agreed. The hilarious thing is they moved him in with us after my accident!! This is crazy as they are continuously monitoring me yet they are happy to put my sons friend in my care. How insane is that? It just makes no sense at all to me.

Thankfully Alfie's friend is extremely happy at our house and for the first time in years he says he finally feels safe. The school have said he is a changed boy all because he now has a life. My dad takes the boys fishing every weekend which they both love. He has breakfast, dinner and supper made for him, his clothes washed and ironed, and he finally says he feels settled. He no longer has to sit and watch his mother get smashed on alcohol and tons of weed and never having the money or the thought to feed her son.

I'm really not telling you this to make myself look good. It simply confirms that social services have no interest in a child that really needs some help and intervention. Yet they will investigate and scrutinise good people like us who by no fault of their own find themselves in an awful situation like ours. My sons friend has been told by social services that they are going to allow him to stay with us for the future. I have never seen a child respond to having the weight of the world taken off his shoulders, it was amazing to see.

I am hoping that staying with us will positively change his future forever. He and my son are inseparable friends and it's lovely to see them together. But this event just shows you how they can scrutinise an easy target like me and yet a child that is in desperate need for safety and help is left to rot! But I am seriously so grateful for your response and you have given me the opportunity to really have a good moan about social services.

I wish you a lifetime of peace, happiness, good health and a whole lot of good luck,

Vikki

[Coznick in reply to Danger19]

Justjeep your chin up,... xxx

[boxergirl777 in reply to Danger19]

Yep isn't it crazy!! :))....this weird world we now live in ??...you couldn't make it up could you???? it's madness! hahahahahaha

Glad SS have moved on...knew they would.....ticking boxes that's all they do...it's folks like you and me that actually have to point them in the direction they need to go in...even then they take their sweet time and worry about upsetting real monsters who hurt kids.....

Main thing is there are still people like us who are strong and can see the madness but still hold it together and save kids and still stay sane enough to get through it all when the shit hit the fan...sometimes crawling on our knees with weight of it all but still moving forward still getting up and keeping going

Your such an amazing lady and taking in Alfie's friend with a second thought shows that you are completely selfless and loving human being.....you saved a child from a life time of misery, and clearly a wonderful parent to her own babies too..

I hope the nasty piece of work who was hurting her Alfie's friend was made answerable for her cruelty ....so glad he has you now to protect him...x

The world needs more Vikki's ...hugs, love, peace and strength to you always x

[Danger19 in reply to boxergirl777]

Hello my lovely,

Thank you for your thoughtful, supportive response. Your message has made me feel so positive compared to how I felt before.

I really do wish you a lifetime of peace, happiness, good health and a whole lot of luck,

Vikki

[Coznick in reply to Danger19]

Thanks a lot

Day by day xxx