Sleeping issues and a unexpected reaction in a response to today's self esteem course (thought ramble = long post broken down into 2 parts)

[bexx87]

This is a long post as its me having a thought ramble so i wont be offended if no one reads or replies or if you only read part 1 which is the shorter section than part 2, i just need to get it out of my brain to clear space (yes that is intentional wording) but if you do want to comment, please feel free i would love to read/try any suggestions people want to offer as both me and the professional are at a lost on part 2

Part 1:

Ever since i started listening to sleep meditations i now cant sleep without putting one on, tried last night and fidgeted untill 2 am , put on one and bam im asleep

m.youtube.com/user/ILoveJui...

And for when my back/shoulders aches, i have found some good yoga stretching i can do to length my spine and stretch my back muscles here:

m.youtube.com/user/yogawith...

Part 2:

In other news (which im wondering could be linked to my lack of sleep possibly) i learnt about a new cbt technique called behavioral experiments (as im on a 6 week self esteem course hence why im quiet) which is a 4 step process and thinking about applying it to work got me extremely upset and anxious.

i expressed the issue i will have when it came to doing step 4 which is reviewing as it asks you to compare it to step 1 and reflect on what actually happen and the issue i highlighted was when i recall memories about recent conversations its not complete, there are blank spaces of missing information and my brain makes up something to shove in the hole that for whatever reason it cant or refuses to processes missing information because i have issues with short term memory so how can i possibly do this as ive been told by work i cant record meetings on a dictation without getting agreement from people in said meetings (yes i have this in writting along with loads more varying examples) and im not in school/college where i have a lsa (learner support assistant) sat by me making notes on my behalf so i can either rest or be attentive (as i sometimes have issues with multitasking/concentrating especially if the office is noisy)

i was of course alone in this question and the teacher said he would need do more research to see how he could help me overcome this as its not something he has ever come across (i suggest headway/hitu/biru but i think he wants a challenge and could ask his psychologists colleagues to help idk it will be intresting to see (if anything) what he comes back with)

i have given it a quick google to see if i can find anything extra or a different way to achieve the same goal (which there are fyi) but due to lack of tiredness its not sticking so its a task to do between now and the next group session but getting back to my point about my emotions i still cant understand (if its not tiredness as im not always tired) why a hypothesis of me trying this out with work got me in such a state (could it just be down the fact that the issues isnt me (which no one believes) )

Its something that my trade union cant help with and im have doubts that hr will be able to, i feel slightly uneasy about the possible prospect of getting a new manager as thats quick and easy soultion to avoid the issue after all i do enjoy my job when that situation doesnt arise and getting a new manager means getting a new work load and all the challenges that presents

Anyway in off to try and regain some lost sleep

Edit: i forgot to mention another 'reason' for my absence is because im doing some it volunteering with Bristol disability equality forum as well to keep me preoccupied and get me out the house

More links that i forgot to add:

there are 3 more that help me (2 are a youtube channel and one is a app) both same concept just different variations

Relax daily Channel: m.youtube.com/channel/UCc9E...

Or if jazz is more your preferred sound

Cafe music bmg channel:

m.youtube.com/channel/UCJhj...

Relax melodies App:

relaxmelodies.com

[Elenor3]

Hi Bexx, looks like you’ve been busy exploring lots of work related stuff since I was last here. It all looks like interesting stuff, no wonder it’s added to your tiredness. I’m going to have a look at the links you posted - sleep seems to be a big issue for many people on here so thank you for sharing

[bexx87 in reply to Elenor3]

Hey i hope your doing well with yourselve (were you starting a new job last time we spoke or am i getting you mixed up with someone else?)

yes i have been since i have all this temp time off work (im in to month 4 and hr have said take as long as you need with our blessing with tr/go as backup at my beck and call along with 3 close friends) it has helped me massively to get back in touch and reconnect with myself and my mind/body/spirit is alot more happier (but i still have dips which i cant cope with still) after suffering with roughly 2 years of neglect due to stressing out over losing my job, trying to keep my job against the odds, dealing with the effects of suicide thoughts if i was to lost my job thus losing my flat and having to go back home living with my mum (hell to the no) , finding out my legal rights if work wanted to go down that route with hr/tu/oh/gp and how not to let it reach that stage, looking at possiblity reducing my hours and apply for universal credit (and buy a new printer to print out the 40 page document as i couldnt bare to much screentime) switching gps to one more on my wave length and learning various new coping techniques and remembering old ones ive had since 13 as well as trying to re gain my mental stability via mainly sleep because all the neglect made my body collapse every night with exhaustion so ive spent a good deal not being able to mentally get out of bed until 12pm and i hope the links are helpful there are 3 more that help me (2 are a youtube channel and one is a app) both same concept just different variations

Relax daily Channel: m.youtube.com/channel/UCc9E...

Or if jazz is more your preferred sound

Cafe music bmg channel:

m.youtube.com/channel/UCJhj...

Relax melodies App:

relaxmelodies.com

I also been dealing with having a massive blister on my arm where i slept on a hot water bottle and it didnt wake me which after 2 weeks popped and 3 weeks later i think the scab has now heal so small its getting ready to drop off (the pharmacist had looked at it twice and when i first got it recommended cream, cooling gel and specific plasters now it healed she said its fine to just leave it but my neighbour suggested putting a different type of cream on which has sped up the proceases) ive also been meeting up with friends for coffee that i havent seen as well as getting a few new plants (new different blueberry bush and ventus fly trap) ive had a flat inspection (since the estate agents is not long dealing with property management and mention the issues with the troubled neighbour) but because ive been so focused on getting well i had to step back zumba and my craft group (which a friend has taken over as co-admin)