I am conducting a study, completely anonymous (helps that everyone has a screen name), more for myself than anything else. I came across a realization the other day and I wondered if anyone else realized or maybe close to realizing the same thing.
This is for those who experienced a traumatic event, big or small doesn't matter, that lead to the development of current symptoms (anxiety, depression, difficulty in public, anything, even overly pleasant).
When I got hurt I was angry, I had recently been in an argument with my significant other and was still stewing on it at the time of my fall. Since then, he has asked me quite frequently why I was mad at him. I don't feel mad, to me I don't sound mad, but out loud I'm snappy and rude. It dawned on me that I was stuck in the emotional state that I was in at the moment of impact.
So, I was wondering if anyone else has noticed this same type of pattern or have similar situations where your outward actions reflect differently than your inward expression?
I welcome any and all replies, all info is kept confidential, like I said, it's a chance to learn and grow. Thank you.
Written by
kjharvey
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I don't know or feel if my inward and outward even come to my awareness. It's more just outbursts with no filtering whatever. I tell others, I'm sorry. Its not anything you're doing or saying. It's my inability and instant frustration to deal with the situation like I used to be able to do. And let them know not to take it personally.
I understand, even though I am aware there are times I do that too still. What were you feeling, thinking, if you can remember, right before your injury?
Do you feel like you are in jeopardy when you are out places now more so than you did before the injury? What was the level of anxiety prior to your brain injury? I hope I'm not making you uncomfortable with my questions, I am just trying to find answers.
Generally no, except when it comes to the thought of obtaining medical help. I have an extreme phobia of needles and needle procedures and really have very little trust in that whole medical system. They are my last resort when it comes to my health. Anxiety level about medical stuff was high prior to brain injury, even more so now.
That's completely understandable. I was one of those healthcare workers pre injury, but now I have a different philosophy on medicine, treatment, and truly allowing patients to have a voice. I am opening a holistic clinic here where I live to help others who have not received the help they needed from the healthcare system. Brain injury lives matter folks....lol
No for myself I was riding to work, I didn't arrive due to aliens/flat earthers or what ever. i would of been calm, any how my memory stops a minute or so before.
I apparently wasn't happy with the head/neck brace and wanted it removed, and asked every 5s but wasn't concerned about the idea of having my clothes cut off, I have a incredibly weak audio only memory of someone saying they needed to cut my clothes off, which didn't concern me.
On ward I was mostly asleep and wanted to leave, but I'm used to hospitals and how they work, so calm on the whole even if I didn't always do as told. be that eat or let anyone help me go to the toilet!
In short no I am more anxious and less nice than I was but thats a change in how I think than being stuck in a though process.
I started studying the mindfulness practice after my injury. It has helped me become more aware of the incorrect thoughts. I have been getting upset with my husband because I blamed him for saying mean things when in fact I was the one who said them weeks ago, or even days ago, but my brain perceives that he was the one who did it. I'm am thankful that he has an intimate understanding of what I am going through. He has had a couple strokes, nothing that has physically limited him, but cognitively they have. He knows what it's like to have good and bad days and tries to help me see my faulty logic....it doesn't always go over very well....lol. Dang, squirrel moment anyone, so for mindfulness, if you are interested look up Kain Ramsey, he has a fascinating approach instead of the boring, and in my opinion, useless teachings of those that want you to "clear your mind".
I do use very occasionally some mindfulness audio suggested by the nero OT if i'm very tired and wound, just seems to fill my mind, and which then allows me a better chance of getting to sleep at a reasonable time.
Got to be said I don't have incorrect thoughts etc, in that though I do feel anxious etc at times its a feeling rather than thoughts if that makes sense.
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