Just pondering

Sometimes you feel the need to write out a lengthy response in reply to someone here thinking in some way you're making a valuable contribution providing help, advice, knowledge, opinion, etc. But sometimes I don't get a response, which leaves me wondering whether I'm wasting my time if no one does as I don't care to read back my own posts but am more interested in dialogue. In lieu of in-person contact this is a good alternative although it can never replace it and people are mostly engaging, but as is the nature of textual communication, you never know what people are thinking and are powerless to change that which can be frustrating.

44 Replies

  • Hi Barny, some days I just haven't got the energy or wherewithal to reply. It's not that I don't care just sometimes daily life overwhelms me.

    That's the nature of social media though isn't it ? You just don't know who you are engaging with and how their days are going. If I don't get any response, so be it


  • I totally understand why some people don't respond, be they busy, tired or have nothing to say, but that said I still get disappointed when I don't get some sort of response and wonder why I made an effort. I'm talking about lengthy posts which I have to put effort into. I know some people are simply browsing and are just looking for info, I'm not bothered by that, it's when you don't get a response from a 'regular' that it bothers me. I wish I could just be self-satisfied with my own post, but I can't.

  • Hi again Barney, I do look in on a daily basis and contribute if I feel I have something valid to say, so don't always respond to posts.

    I keep a journal that I write in when I can't sleep at night and have no responses to those musings because no one reads them.

    May seem a bit pointless, a bit like talking to yourself.

    Sometimes I don't reply to posts/threads if there is lots of activity, but you've made me think now that I could be viewed as being rude, I would not ignore you if we were face to face, but isn't that the beauty of social media, I don't use Facebook or tweet because it looks exhausting.

    Have a good evening though, take care x


  • Hi Janet,

    Hope you are well. Sorry for the late reply.

    I try to respond to every post I get even if it's a bit lacklustre and I apologise if I haven't always, it is definitely not done on purpose.

    I keep a journal but don't always write in it, I find it helps me to offload things that are bothering me and to find meaning in chaos. I don't think writing to yourself is pointless, it feels like you're having a conversation with yourself which you don't feel when it stays all in your head. Keeping things in your head is pointless because only you know about it.

    I agree forums and social media can be exhausting and you wouldn't ignore someone face-to-face. For me, the beauty of it is that you don't have to respond immediately as you would face-to-face and can produce a more well thought-out reply but the ugly flip-side is that you can choose to ignore which would seem rude in person. Some people are asking to be ignored but fortunately these sorts of forums don't seem to attract the "trolls" as much.

    Another thing, it's sometimes difficult to judge when a forum conversation has ended. Sometimes people it's helpful to write that they're "going out" or "good night" and in those instances it's clear, but in other instances there's no way or telling whether you can expect a reply to your post or not which can cause some misunderstanding.

    Anyway please don't feel the need to respond to this if you don't feel like it.

    Take care

  • Thanks for the reply Barney and the reasoning behind your thoughts, much like mine as I thought.

    As you say no need to reply to this.

    Janet x

  • I don't think we spoken barney apart from antibiotics an I liked your answers an I did reply but sometimes I lose my replies,no offence just getting to grips with posting.Also when I feel I may explode as someones post has hit a nerve.I tend not to respond .As being the sick person alone you find yourself questioning anm I being too brutal;with my reply,is it ok,or is it messed up so apologies if I havent.barny1,

  • Thanks Jacs, your posts are always brutally honest and from the heart which I like and is refreshing.

    Take care

  • because for 4 years I have been isolated barny1,then get told im moving to freedom,an it keeps getting put back as flats our not finished,so housebound,isolation,is killing me an my words our to the point as each one hurts my hand writing it lol.(so excuse my loss of full stops too please lol)

  • If I ever/have ever not replied, it is not personal at all...I'm sure everybody appreciates the time you take to reply to them...I for one may not reply due to tiredness and also forgetfulness...I'm sure most people on here would have the same reason for not replying...

  • I can't recall us ever conversing, so none taken. :)

    I'd like to think people appreciate someone else's contribution I really would.

    Totally understand why people don't reply.

  • I think also it's sometimes overwhelming when a person gets numerous replies...the support on here is great and I have seen you crop up on here lots (and would personally class you as a 'regular' if it's based on how many times you have contributed, etc...) I read the posts that I am interested in and often agree with what people are saying but quite rarely respond...it would probably help for there to be a 'read' counter on posts so you can see how many people have read your comments as I guarantee there are plenty more people that don't read and don't comment than do...if that makes sense...I tend to ramble as you can see...at least your comments are full of great advice Barney 😊 don't beat yourself up about it...

  • Yep, something I hadn't considered is that some can get so many replies that it can overwhelm them and I feel that it may have caused some members to leave in the past. Some people with BI struggle with writing, typing responses and even just one post is such an effort. I admit to procrastinating about posting because I know many have responded and will be expecting replies.

    It would be great to have a view counter but a 'like' works in a somewhat similar fashion so will do.

    Take care

  • Barny1 , speaking personally I don't have the knowledge or experience of others, omg I wish I had answers . If I did I would not be here . But believe me your input is valued and much appreciated thanks in advance 🙏

  • Thanks Pat-rick, the beauty of a forum is collaboration and contribution, together we may be greater than the sum of our parts, everyones input is valued, besides the trolls.

    Take care

  • barny1 i agree, especially when you know the information youre giving is from experience or something youve learnt from people in similar situations to ourselves

  • True steve, when you've really made an effort to better inform someone going off your personal experience the least you'd expect is a thank you or a compliment.

  • Sometimes it's just too exhausting to reply fully....and certainly not offended if people don't. I use the "like" button quite a lot as an alternative to "thanks for your input"

  • I agree, sometimes circumstances dictate that you can't reply as fully as you'd like, a 'like' is a good way of showing your appreciation, but personally a sentence or two shows it far better. I normally don't get offended but the odd one does get to me.

    Take care

  • true - but if really tired I often preface my reply/ comment with something like " just a short reply for now ..." After all, many of us here have had BI , or carers, or meds that fatigue us ... :-)

  • It can take an age for me to put together a reply, as half my time's spent on word recall. So it can be disappointing when it's ignored/overlooked, but I know how there might be memory or fatigue issues for some members, so I don't take it personally. x

  • Hi Cat

    I know exactly what you mean, I have terrible word-recall and I suppose the extra effort required means I'm more easily impacted when I don't get a response of whatever type.

    Take care x

  • You too Barny ! x

  • Though I get notifications if I don't reply there and then I'm liable not to remember, I have missed stuff only to see a response some time later, I also work and my energy levels do alter.

  • Yeah, I guess some have memory issues, but it's when I know the member has replied to others' posts and wonder why not mine. Even if it's a small reply, I don't mind it's just an acknowledgment of the effort someone has made.

  • Can't say it bothers me, most forums are other internets work like this.

  • I know what you mean, Barny. I think not everyone has the email alert switched on and perhaps, like me, they forget what they have written (I use the news feed and notifications tool because otherwise I don't know what I have said to anyone, and I spent half the time re-reading my own comments before I get to any replies...)

    I suppose for some people as well, they post with a query, get loads of answers, one of which suits them so...job done! of course the beauty of this static and preserved in amber conversation is that months (or even years) later someone else can come across a post and send you a message to say that what you wrote was really helpful, even though it wasn't originally addressed to them. That happens to me quite often.

    Some of us are born verbal ramblers, others not so much. The only danger with being in the former category is that once the words have left the mouth or the pen - or in this case the tablet, phone or PC - you are, as you say, totally out of control of where they go and how they are received from here...

  • Hi malalatete

    I know what you mean, there's givers and takers and a forum is no different. I try to avoid responding when I feel they're just pushing buttons, but most aren't like that here. Sometimes people are genuinely misguided or forgetful but I find you learn through experience on forums.

    I never really think about how my post may be read in years to come by the world and you're right that is the real and unmeasured value in writing a post on the internet.

    Always valued your posts and are informative.

    Take care

  • I feel like that

  • Sometimes I do not reply, as I feel I have nothing to contribute,but I always 'like' your post.

    We all have different experiences, and sometimes just cannot help!

    and of course, like most folks ,I'm not on hear every day!


  • You don't always have to reply if there's nothing to add, but a little appreciation can go a long way.

    take care

  • I often see a post that I would reply to, but then realise that several other people have said exactly what I would have said anyway, so I don't post anything. I do read everything though and much appreciate the work that many people are putting into their posts to help others.

    I would like to thank everyone who comments here - even when you are replying to a particular query from someone, often something said helps me too.

    Have a good day everyone, dull and gloomy here.

  • I echo your comments, as a reason to thank everyone who's ever contributed, making this post has been well worth it. Thanks guys!

  • hey exhausted wife,isnt it hard trying to write when you have to reread,process an digest as reason im,giving up on here as im getting paranoid.Living alone too its hard an trying keep everyone,happy,harder,too much here sometimes as I find it hard alot of the time.

  • If I have seen a post with replies similar to my view, I feel it can double up and news feed on the topic is repeating itself. I understand how you feel and I read posts, but sometimes I am too exhausted or the post is a week old. If you have posted to me directly I would not ignore your response as you have taken the time to give valued input. But, being left with nature of BI as others have said sometimes I have forgotten a post , have word processing problems and worked retrieval. I value your opinion, as others say we do not know what is happening in people's lives and general BI issues. Hope you have a good day.

  • Well said, of course you always can choose to not contribute in good faith. I'm only referring to when a post is directed at someone.

    Take care :)

  • Oh and I do value everybody's input 😊

  • I have been on this site since 2011 ish. I read at least 3 to 4 times a week and have given my advice/help when I feel it's appropriate/helpful. Like others say though, there are posts that say what I would want to say so I usually like that post instead of replying.

    Also.....my problem is I'm a perfectionist so I read and read and worry about grammar/spelling and waffling on. When I'm in a more chilled zone (not brain frazzled and sleep deprived) I do contribute and hope offer sone help to you guys out there

    Have a nice weekend everyone ☀️😃

  • A 'like' is better than no reply at all, although it tends to be misused it makes us feel good. :) A smilie is way better.

    Have a nice rest of day!

  • For me this is very often language matter. And device. I usually use my iPad as I'm trying to cut time on the computer. It is not easy to write long responses on iPad, at least not for me. I actually would love to talk over the phone with people but I know with bi not everyone is able to do so. That's why I stopped offering that. Would you find it better way to communicate?

  • I tend to use the laptop to reply to posts as I need a physical keyboard, not an imaginary one. Although I do read posts on the mobile. I find I replying on a tablet especially time-consuming. Food for thought. Phone conversations can be awkward for some especially after BI, but so long as both understand and can tolerate that then I feel it's preferable and makes you realise that you really don't know someone from what they've wrote on the internet, I've met a few people, one off here and it's quite funny as I've imagined them talking in one accent and it's completely off. :)

    Take care

  • Hi Barry,

    I forget sometimes - and sometimes i reply twice - but every time someone replies its of great value to me.

    I think you are right though - a lot can be said in an expression on a face - sometimes a look says it all and is ample reply to even a lengthy written thing.

    Sometimes i remember snippets from posts which help me later - but normally i couldn't tell you who told me the 'helpful thing' i recalled.

    Your replies are always constructive and sometimes shed a different light on things for me -

    Thank you (and please keep your replies coming this way!)

    Kindest regards



  • Your posts are quirky (for want of a better word) and make me think in a good way. Are you known for your humour in real-life? That's how I imagine you. Thanks for the compliments.

    Take care x

  • Hi Barny, Jules here.

    I am really pleased someone sees me as quirky - ahhh , i like that.

    You have added another piece to my jigsaw about who i am now - a sprinkle of quirky is lovely

    Hope you had a good day barny



  • Hello Barry, Jules here again

    Just thought - you had 21 replies to a post about possible none posting.....



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