Carer stress

[Banksia]

Hi,

I'm new to this group and thought it would be good for me to have contact with others in a similar situation. My husband has acquired brain injuries and my daughter and I have been coping with this for 9 years now. Just recently stress within our family has tipped over into me feeling like we are really struggling to cope now. I guess over the 9 years my daughter and I have not really looked after ourselves enough. My husband is happy and has a good life with plenty of social activities and exercise. I realise that I've looked after him all these years, working and bringing up our daughter,but am now struggling to cope with the result of his brain injuries. It feels alittle like career burnout at the moment.

I love to hear from anyone else who has had similar experiences.

[Hidden]

I've had exactly the same experiences. I have made sure my bi husband has a full life - but at the expense of mine! I have been doing it for nearly 30 years and I am exhausted. No one who hasn't been through this has any idea what it is like. How I would love a 'normal' husband who can make decisions, who has a normal range of emotions, no mood swings, etc. That's why I always post on here as 'exhausted wife'!!!

Sorry, I can't offer you any advice except to say you need to concentrate on your own life sometimes.

Wishing you the very best

Jan x

[Banksia in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Jan! It is still nice to hear from someone who has been struggling with similar things. I am lucky that my husband doesn't have mood swings, but the decision making, planning, initiation, blunted emotions and lack of empathy still make having a fulfilling relationship very difficult. I have recently hit rock bottom, so the only way is up. I'm starting to focus consciously on being kind to myself and planning in relaxation time. I've ignored doing enough of this for too long and it only comes back to bite you. I hope you are also trying to take more time out to focus on your needs as well.

Anne x

[Hidden]

Hi Banskia welcome to the forum, you will find great people on here either carers like yourself or people dealing with a brain injury. I have both I have a brain injury but also unofficially he carer for my partner who has a more severe brain injury. It is so difficult you have to carry so much on your shoulders. Your their support, their memory, you have to think for them and that is exhausting. I don't know about your husband but my partner has a lot of mood swings, memory loss, problems communicating and showing emotion. You can feel like your living with a stranger, I always say I am living in groundhog day, we can go through think have a talk, things change for a week or two and then your back to square one.

Its good to hear he's getting out and taking part in activities. So you need to start thinking about you and your daughter. You matter, and your health and wealthfare is important. If you know he's going to be out for a while and you have some time, then do something nice, or just relax. Its important that you both remember your still important and your welfare matters.

Your husband isn't the same any more but just remember that he's trapped inside himself. His brain will be fighting because it won't understand why he can't be the person he use to be.

Welcome xx

Angie

[Banksia]

Hello Angie

Thankyou for your kind words. Yes, we now know that it's not good to neglect your own mental wellbeing when you're caring for someone else. My daughter and I are now making time to relax more and treat ourselves. Being in a better place ourselves, means that the relationship with my husband, her dad, is also improving in a positive way.

We are very lucky that he does not have mood swings. In actual fact he is pretty happy most of the time...thank goodness. I know I have to work at safe guarding my exhaustion levels with work and having to make all the daily life decisions that he is unable to attend to...that is something I'm working on.

Anne x

[Hidden]

Wow groundhog day is the perfect description, I use that expression all the time to describe my boys as they are not retaining information and have to be taught the basics all over again each day and it can really grate on you after a while even though it's obviously not their fault