Exhausting

I am on a role today voicing my feelings lol. Does anyone else have a brain injury, but also lives with someone else that has a brain injury too. That's me, mine is less severe but it is exhausting. My brain is having to work for two when it really doesn't want to. I have to organise, problem solve, be a reminder service. When all it wants to do is rest, repair, and just look after me. His assessment can't come soon enough, I need some support and know that someone else is helping him. His life will be improved if he's given the tools to function.

[sospan]

I have recovered as much as I believe I can. However, my wife received a severe concussion a year ago and is still at the stage where she won't accept that her injuries are causing problems.

As you probably know acceptance is the biggest problem; accepting that you have a problem, accepting that your life has changed etc. For me, from a scientific / technical / procedural background with lots of rules, I found it difficult that medical people couldn't tell me exactly what was wrong or more importantly how to fix it.

What helped me was routine and everything was kept the same each day, even down to what I would eat. I had the same breakfast, same lunch, planned the day out the same, day in day out. Planned in chores and rest times, bed time and time to get up in the morning.

Once I was in this "groove", I started on things to recover my skills; cooking; DIY, reading, writing etc. And it took me a long time.

My wife, however, is a different story. Even trying to get her to follow a shopping list is impossible. When she comes home she will have more items than were on the list. When you ask why, it was because she thought she needed them, even though we may have several of the same product on the shelf. It is the same with following a recipe something I had a lot of problems with. I coped by getting all the ingredients first, putting the quantities to one side and then putting them away. My wife won't do this, so we constantly get "I can't remember if I put this in !" When you show a better way of doing it you get "Yeah, Yeah, next time" but next time is the same ....

I don't know what support you hope to get for your husband but reading the forum posts over the years, everything seems to be pushed back to the partner. Some Headway groups and adult services run day sessions but these seem the exception.

Hope you get some support

[Hidden in reply to sospan]

Our stories are very similar, I think for me my logic side of my brain has really kicked in I suppose to compensate for the other areas that are damaged. I have organised things around the house so they are either labelled or organised so they are easy to find. With this organisation it seems to settle my mind, when my partner disrupts this its so difficult to cope with. I try to get him to organise his things to prevent any outbursts when he can't find something and things that I will always know where he's put them. We have tried to use memory boards, calendars, and lists which work for a short while, but then we're back to square one. I rang headways helpline and had a chat with someone. They were very concerned for me, stating he is damaging your health. I was advised to think of living separate to him, and think of myself. Its not as easy as that, to a certain extent I do have to keep my distance, especially when he's in one of his explosive moods. I will really hammer this into the assessors when I see them. He needs ways of coping, ways of completing daily tasks and how to cope with all his mood changes. If they can't visit and it ends up that its back to a hospital appointment, which I can't attend due to the limits with my health. I have written a letter giving my observations and experiences.

[Julesgettingthere in reply to Hidden]

Just quickly Angel, yes, me too. My husband had a mild Tbi.

Speak soon

Jules

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