5 and half years later

[Candace8]

My major car crash was now 5/half years ago, nearly 6. Everything they said I will never do again I've done. I live alone back up north, speak, walk, in fact I can do everything again, even drive and I've had a car 3 years now. Shocked everyone. Recently I asked walkergate or as I call it the brain hospital to help me walk ABIT faster in case it's raining and stuff. 4 weeks later I did it. My right leg drags but can go as fast as I believe I can now. I have a brace for my ankle and have a very expensive DMO brace for my arm as my brain has basically forgotten it's there and doesn't send it signals. My balance is much better and I am able to move my arm better now. I got discharged from the brain hospital a couple of weeks ago and have noticed my mood has been going lower and lower. 5.5 years of battling and now I've done and achieved everything, I should be really happy but I'm not. I'm a very diff person now. Why have I gone so sad ?

[Kirk5w7]

Probably because now you feel you've achieved all you can you are finally grieving your old life. It's that acceptance thing, not easy to do. But it will pass and I bet you still see improvements.

My GP said "never say never" your brain has come a long way and I get there's still scope in there for more. Think of a baby growing up, how many years does that take? Sometimes when the flush of striving starts to wear off, that's when your mood can dip.

Be kind to yourself, you've done so well, so inspirational.

Love Janet x

[Candace8 in reply to Kirk5w7]

Thank you Janet. I think its realising the body is as fixed as I can make it. The mind and brain however isn't so easy. I still go to hospital every week to get help accepting things and helping my brain get better but I've been going for 28 weeks already so only have 12 sessions left. I don't think I will make my mind and brain better in that time 😒

[sospan in reply to Candace8]

You have done really well so far with your recovery.

Prior to my injury my life was all about planning, goals and targets what I was going to do on the weekend, planning for work, career, financialy etc. When I got my injury all that went out the window.   Once my recovery levelled out I found the absence of a long term plan very difficult to cope with.

The injury was one thing, but whatit it was also what do I next to occupy my life in terms of work, socially etc. One thing i realised that before my injury I was a good cook, afterwards it was a challenge (3 hr to make a cottage pie!). So I set about recovering those skills.

It may be worth pondering the "what next" question

[BaronC]

You've battled so hard for 5+ years now and achieved so much. Is it any wonder that your brain may feel a little tired by all the exertions? You've come a very long way, but the stark reality is that you still have a brain injury, always will. 

Try not to be hard on yourself, you are doing wonderfully well and that is the important thing here. However as I have previously mentioned on here about my own condition... Every task, every chore becomes so much more of a struggle as I have less brain to take on the struggles than mere mortals. Fatigue and sadness are just natural consequences of that and it's fine, no worries.

Give yourself a mental pat on the back when you feel down, you're doing great, you really are.

Take care

Andy

[Nutkin33]

I think I was pretty similar to you, in that I can now walk unaided, talk, and also Drive. I have also been feeling pretty 'down' these last few weeks! Perhaps the air pressure has something to do with it! The days have been quite bright and sunny, so I'm not sure that's it!

I now Volunteer in the Portland Ward, (rehab ward), at Poole Hospital. I have also been busy making new Headway cards to put in your wallet, mobile phone, car, etc. I think being a little occupied helps a bit!

All the best with your sadness!

Love Debs

Xx

[Candace8]

Thank you all. I was worried I was going to get a backlash of abuse , you've come so far what have u got to moan about etc, or maybe that's just my mother, not lieing. I just feel really really tearful and very sad. Debs yeah it could be something in air lol. Hate these light nights so maybe it's that. People laughing and joking till stupid o clock. That reminds me of how things used to be 

[Elenor3 in reply to Candace8]

Hi Reminders of how things used to be seem to be everywhere don't they?  I very much understand what you're saying. You've achieved so much, it's amazing. Driving that's use fantastic. I don't think I'll be driving for a very long time, and although everyone says I will eventually - it doesn't feel like it to me. All the other repleis are so 'spot on' - everyone here understands and recognises how far you've come, and I personally feel humbled by your determnation and effort, I wish I could apply some of your attitude to my own situation. But I wonder if you feel sad partly because you've achieved and exceeded expectations? I know that sounds strange, but it's a bit like someone who is the very best in their field......you think 'what next?'. Finding out what's next is really important, finding something else to aim for. You seem like an amazingly strong minded person who excels at whatever they put their mind to. I'm not sure if you've called the Headway help line to speak to anyone, or if you have a Headway group in your area? Also, with your twelve weekly sessions left, is it possible to ask for help with this so that you have some 'next step' support in place for when the sessions finish? I wish you all the very best and hope you realise how truly astonishing your story is. Reading your post has made me think I'd better stop sitting here feeling sorry for myself, I think you're inspirational. Thank you for sharing your experience. Have you thought about working in schools  and sharing your story? Just a thought xx

[Candace8 in reply to Elenor3]

Wow thanks

[Lazuli]

Well done for the progress you have made so far. As well as grieving the person you once were, you may also be sad at the loss of attention from professionals. It's okay to mourn that loss. The NHS has strict practical and financial limitations. This isn't a reflection on you or your abilities. 

I appreciate what the staff at our local Headway say about there always being scope for a BI survivor to improve, no matter how many years go by. I'm also more optimistic for people given the continued advances in neuroscience with new technologies being developed all the time. 

[Candace8 in reply to Lazuli]

Well if done well from the nhs, 5 nearly 6 years and ongoing. They have done amazing but sounds like you right as the only time I left home is for hospital visits. Really really low at mo, thank you

[moo196]

Morning, 

I guess it could be a matter of having achieved all the physical stuff and now its time to look at the more hidden matters. I didn't have any real physical issues soon after I left hospital ( other than the blood clot still being there ) so most of mine has been dealing with the aftermath and dementia. 

I wonder if you could find one or two things that you might like to achieve that are totally new to you ? Or try a new hobby/ volunteer group - helping others is a good way to spend a few hours and doesn't focus on yourself ? 

I joined a choir - great to be with others and do something creative - and help at a local food bank. 

My longer term goal - over the last year or so is to try to find some spark of feeling "happy" - I've been searching for so long and doing what some suggested - faking it until I find it ...... with a small success this weekend ( passing hour or two of pleasant feelings). ...  worth a go ?  ( get some earplugs for those longer evenings and get out and about as much as you can ?) 

I've still been counselling but don't really feel its been particularly helpful. 

Keep your head up  

Hugs 

x

[Candace8 in reply to moo196]

I used to volunteer at an animal rehoming centre but I stopped cause of petrol, I couldn't afford it. I don't want to anything else cause I don't want to meet people. Always worked with animals, loved it. Before crash I mainly worked with dogs and cats. Don't mind talking and meeting them. Rather be alone at min, not happy enough to leave house x

[moo196 in reply to Candace8]

Maybe you could walk any local dogs ? Or ask if the animal rehoming place might contribute to travel costs/giving you a lift perhaps ? I do think getting out and finding things you like doing - like animals in your case - would be helpful. 

I try to get out on my bike everyday - even when I definitely dont want to......  always feel better for a little exercise. ( speaking of which I'd better actually get up soon!) 

Or is there a vet somewhere near you that you could help care for animals that need a little attention ? An hour two or three times a week maybe ? 

[Candace8]

Will try thank you. Can't walk dogs now cause don't walk well. That's my life gone as I knew it x

[moo196]

It's just a different life ...... try to build on things you know you like - for instance a friend of mine recently said she would love someone to dog sit - even without the walks - so her dog wasn't home alone all day while she was working .... maybe there is a doggy day care centre that would like someone in the office / just staying around with the doggies ? 

[Candace8]

I used to do that as well. Good idea thank you. That gives me hope x

[Candace8]

Not helpful

[3Rainbows]

rspca.org.uk/findapet/foster

borrowmydoggy.com

[Candace8 in reply to 3Rainbows]

THANK YOU X

[Candace8 in reply to 3Rainbows]

I've applied online, that's really helped me 😘

[RecoveringH]

Dear Acupuncturist, I live local to you and I am recovering from a brain injury which has placed one side of my body in a less than responsive state.  I have heard that acupuncture might help and I was wondering if I could offer you my time in washing up or gardening in return for some acupuncture on my arm and leg. I do not have an income currently but with your help, I could return to working for an income again.  I am happy to be a case study if you can put me in touch with a good acupuncture student living in my area or near to a bus route.  I appreciate no-one likes to give their time for free which is why I would be interested in finding out how I could help you in return offering you double the hours in house chores for the treatment time.  After five years, I can now walk, drive and talk.  Please help me with my next stage of recovery.  Yours Sincerely, Me.