Long term carer

Hi. I'm new to the site. My husband's head injury was in 1989. He was unconscious for 7 weeks and had several operations on his brain after being run over. He had a left frontal labotomy which resulted in a lot of changes in his personality . He still gets angry about his accident and life can be unpredictable even now. Some days I find it really hard to cope with. I am sad for him and for the life we might have had. He now looks virtually 'normal' which can be difficult as he doesn't always understand stuff or deal very well with people. To the outside world he usually seems great but indoors he can be a nightmare. I don't want to scare anyone new to caring for someone with a head injury but its important to look after yourself if you can and gather all the information and support you can. I think (hope) that things are a lot better than they were in 1989. Headway locally was in its very early days and there was little support around because they weren't that used to people actually surviving such severe injuries. My advice to everyone who suffers a head injury due to an accident is to get a good solicitor as quickly as possible. Do lots of research about support but don't google everything as it will scare the life out of you, particularly the information on non-UK sites. I'd be interested in hearing from other long term carers and how they cope on a daily basis.

8 Replies

  • I really feel for you. I completely understand as I had a SAH in March 2015 and I have the same issues, quick tempered and get very angry but as time has gone on I have tried to lessen it by doing yoga and understanding that this is a scientific fact that with any impact to the brain or trauma results in a sharper personality and everything is seen black or white, no filter when speaking. But it can go back slowly. I also had 6 sessions of therapy with a professional and it took away my anger of what happened.

    It's like he has a new brain. I have done a 3 part video blog to help others in a similar situation each is apricot 15mins long. I have attached the third recovery one, you should watch with your husband as I hope this with help understand what he is going through is quite normal and once he realises, he may want help to change it.

  • Thank you. I will take a look

  • Hi Shushy,

    Its interesting to here what you say about how it was in 1989 as I had my Bi in May last year and the hospital I was in were fantastic but they didn't warn me of the changes over the next few months and now. I had no idea and learnt it all from being on here and thats probably one of the biggest changes since 89, the internet and helpful forums like this one. God knows where id have been in my head if it wasn't for Headway.

    Good Bless and have a fantastic Sunday. Nick X

  • I my husband bi was in 1986 and life after has never been the same back then we had no advise and no support after his brain injury[a 3 hundred weight roll of paper fell on his head] the only thing we could do was try to get on with life he did go back to work because he did everyone thought he was fine but we his close family no it was a struggle everyday for him and for us then 3 years ago he had a cardiac arrest and its caused more bi have got to say although headways have been great all I seem from the medical world is well you've lived with 30 years so we cant tell you anymore .I cant remember life before bi and being a long term carer is hard tireing and ageing hope to be in touch with you again

  • You are so right! I can hardly remember life before the accident and my kids certainly can't . You cannot underestimate the impact a head injury has on the whole family and all those years ago we were left to get on with it. We were just told it was lucky he had survived the accident, with no thought to how he would manage for the rest of his life. We didn't even get a home check when he was discharged from hospital and there was very little follow up. Without our fantastic solicitor my husband would have been stranded.

  • hi shushy thanks for your reply you said how do we really cope day to day as long term carers I don't think I really do I don't no if its because he had further damage because of his heart problems the grown up children find it really difficult one thinking her dad does not like her and the other one walking out when things kick off so then im having to reassure them that its not there fault cant really talk to other people because all they see is a charming easy going man they don't see the temper the forgetting things,ocd,and lots of other problems that bi brings every night I go to bed and think I cant do this anymore but next day I get up and fight other day moan over life to short x

  • I feel your pain. My life is just the same. X

  • shushy i have frontal lobe brain injury........its like you say you look normal on the outside but its the unpredictability will i flare up, when will i stop going on about something and getting angrier and angrier, my wife when we re out has learnt to identify possible flash points,and trying to divert my attention.

    noise intollerance continual swearing, crying for no reason, lack of concentration, fatigue etc.

    you shushy like my wife is 1 in a 1000,000. the divorce rate among people where a partner has a bi is 85%and thats after a couple of years and youve been doing it for 25 years'.

    its nearly 4yrs since my stroke it was just a mild one. it appeared at first, as if i had got away with numbness down the the left hand side, gradually i changed, my wife got sent home from work, we made an emergency appointment to see the doc that day and my wife just broke down. he wanted to give me an anti depressant and i told him to.....

    so he gave a choice between epilin or carbamazapine which i knew was given to epileptics but could also be used to control behaviour, i agreed, an appointment was made for me to see a psychiatrist and yeh the epilim appears to be working, but like anyone with a bi i still have my moments.

    we ve been married 36 years.

    stay in touch steve

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