Brain injury

Hi all, this is my first time posting on such a forum. I'd had a brain injury for 9 years now. And really it's my own fault. I'd had social anxiety and depression for years and I had got help for it but when ur young ur so scared and overwhelmed by it.anyway it all came to a head when I had just turned 25 . In hindsight now I think I was having a nervous breakdown , I had being stressed for months. I too an overdose of nurofen plus and had some sort of seizure. I had previously being to the doctor to get help but he had dismissed me. When I went bk to him after my suicide attempt he claimed nothing was wrong with me. I know my situation is pathetic and entirely my own fault so I'm not looking for sympathy. I then had terrible pain in the bk of my head for at least 3 years after that and v bad speech deficits. I managed to kinda teach myself to speak fluently again but now I still search for words and my short term memory is awful. I'd it totally disguised to my family - I think!!!id lost friends and there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about suicide. I'm such s chicken though! I haven't had a boyfriend in years and I used to be so smart and pretty. I'm still fun but I know my life is fucked and I'm all to blame. Thinking of going to a Pilates class next week , will I be able to follow it. Afraid people will think I'm stupid! Wish I had my old brain bk however fucked that was, this is hell.

28 Replies

  • Hi.

    Welcome aboard & don't worry about "Why & When"

    We are all the same (BI) we support/help each uther & anyone who jumps on board.

    You are very "welcome"

    Jump in & ask away we will offer you both help/support


  • Hi Steve,do you not think the what, why and when is relevant today, if these events caused an underlying problem for Princess 40, that was not treated years ago? When I joined this community 2 years ago, everyone was saying what caused their BI, We all have various after-effects and yes the support for what follows after treatment is extremely important.

    Being given loads of different meds, to treat depression, as so many GP's diagnose too readily , can lead to toxins in the liver, these toxins are carried to the brain by the blood circulatory system, causing different neurological symptoms, which yes is a form of brain injury.

    Unless Headway bans me from this forum, I'm going to keep banging on about this now depending on the circumstances of the post I've would have just read. We need as individuals to think of our whole health before, not just one aspect of it after, if those aspects are relevant, therefore I would suggest that Princess 40 does that and goes back to her GP or another more sympathetic doctor,Manx tells them about the constant headache, with anything else written down, while continuing to seek support here for her neural after-effects. The continual headache is the aspect that worried me here, plus the fact she took so many meds for so long.

    I have several conditions arisen since my spontaneous aneurysm, haemorrhage and subsequent BI, which is why I recently started researching my own whole health from birth, which had been good - I thought- till I was diagnosed with a blood disorder 3 months before it happened, and more conditions since and I've found so many links, which suddenly got my haematologist concerned at my July appt., and my Oct appointment with the endocrinologist has been brought forward. But the after effects of BI I still live with, there may yet be help from my medical care team, one thing I've never received is any form of rehab since my op in 2013, Although it was mentioned before discharge!

    I guess you know I don't live in UK but I'm not too far away So use the HU Communities, where I need support and information in English, so I can fully understand about various conditions and consequences.

    I'm sorry I'm certainly not disparaging your support offers on this Commmunity, I just think all things are relevant - not only after-effects. although to know others have the same as you, yes is comforting certainly, albeit for different reasons, and hope I have not offended you or anyone else by this reply, because that is certainly not my intention. Find the true cause, treat it, then we are here to support as best we can.

  • Hi. Sorry forgot (Memory) to say Pilates will be good for you I tried it a few years ago along with Yoga. This was to help with my Balance so it's nothing to Worry about.


  • Thanks for your help. Will try it and see!!!

  • Hi. No probs !! Please keep us updated !!

    You will love it & it will be good for your body & mind too boot !!!


  • Hi and welcome!

    Yes, we hear to listen, help, vent off. It is a lifeline to me four years post TBI because nobody quites understand the effects of BI unless you live with someone who has BI or this forum. I find I can talk freely with no judgement .

    Please, when you feel ready we here to help

    Take care x

  • Thanks, I just needed to provide some background cos in my case it's really all my fault . I wasn't expecting to hear from someone like me but perhaps someone who had a stroke and was recovering may have a few pointers for me. I'd lived with this crap for years now so am used to it.

  • Does anyone with this type of brain injury have constant pain at the back of one' s head? I know there's no magic cure for it. I wish it would all go away. Just wondering too for help with mild aphasia, is there anything I can do to improve it?

  • I played scrabble continuously for months - looked up every word I didn't know, or did know and couldn't tell you what it meant, I would read it out loud, go to the dictionary, reread its meaning. First month scrabble games took the whole day for one game. There are free computer apps where you play just the computer.

    Aphasia will return when you practice it. That means getting out and using the voice again! Volunteering is a good way with no pressure on output or performance.


  • Thanks for ur reply, will follow ur advice

  • In Google translate (click on the 9 boxes on google home page and it is towards the bottom of the menu), you can type in the word and hear it read out loud. That also helped : )

  • Hi Princess.

    Yes I have got Chronic Pain on my rightside top to bottom due to my Stroke (Neuropatic Pain)

    I have had this since 2005.

    I'm on the strongest tablets that I can take at there maximum amounts with them just taking the edge off it all.

    The docs have also got me on Morpine Patches (Max) with little effect either.

    Don't get put off by this as taking strong meds is problematic in the family (jeans)

    A "Pain Clinic "via your GP is proberly a good place?? Check it out with your GP to see what they think.

    Post Stroke Pain is farley common. Please see what they say/think ???


  • Yes the severe pain is gone thank god. It's just a residual pain , prob muscle pain and from a stressed brain trying trying to operate at the level it used to. Wouldn't go on meds again

  • Hi.

    That's great news!!! I don't blame you. I really wish that I could do that as well. The last time I tryed that I ended up in hospital for a few weeks.


  • Hi Princess,

    I used pilates, yoga, weights, aerobic classes in online youtube videos in the privacy of my lounge in front of my tv connected to my pc to learn to coordinate the body again.

    Start with doing it for a few minutes and expect to be disappointed! At the end of say 6 minutes, say WELL DONE ME, and go and put the kettle on, regardless of how you were able to keep up with the video! If you feel inspired by your confidence to try something new, do another 6 minutes on another video. I found it was useful to keep changing the videos after a few plays so it would challenge my brain to connect all the different pathways required in the motor region.

    I used this method to regain my balance, focus, rhythm and hand/eye coordination ( I used to be a very flexible yoga practitioner who would teach others) and now I can do yoga balancers again. Feeling very glad to be able to do them again.

    Since you write logically and can communicate clearly to convey your message, I'm guessing you might be at the stage to be able to read for a time. If so, "Journey of Souls" and his second book "Destiny of Souls" by Michael Duff Newton in pdf format is free online.

    A hypnotherapist and like you, curious about death, he set out to research it in the most logical way he knew how. Certainly an interesting read and will help any reader consider their views towards the birth/death transition.

    St. Benedict reminds us to 'Keep the reality of death always before your eyes (which ensures we), have a care about how you act every hour of your life. '

    The Latin word ‘meditatio’ means ‘thinking over’ or ‘contemplation’ but it is also described as a ‘practice’ or ‘exercise’ or ‘preparation for death’ (Gaffiot, 1934).

    “You have little time left, and none of it for crap. A fine state. I would say that the best of us always comes out when we are against the wall, when we feel the sword dangling overhead. Personally, I wouldn't have it any other way.”

    ― Carlos Castaneda, Tales of Power

    “A warrior must focus his attention on the link between himself and his death . . .. He must let each of his acts be his last battle on earth. Only under those conditions will his acts have their rightful power.”

    ― Carlos Castaneda, Journey to Ixtlan

    All Carlos Castaneda books can be found in pdf form online.

    For some reason, I wasn't in the car that night - they died and I didn't. Every day I wear death on my sleeve, in case it is my last. It has led me to mindfulness meditation. I grasp for tiny joyful moments each day like a butterfly landing near me or a beautiful sunset. Each day I am grateful for. The present is a gift!

    Best x

  • Thanks I will look up that book. I too use mindfulness, we'll just as an app on my iPhone. It's the only thing that calms me down and stops me worrying. I was thinking of checking out utube for videos on Pilates just I won't make an utter idiot of myself if I go to this class. Thanks again

  • Hi princess. I'm also new to the forum, only just plucking up the courage to talk about my mums brain injury which she acquired through trying to hang herself (almost 12 yrs ago).

    Please don't ever think that you deserve what happened to you and don't blame yourself either.

    Depression is a disease and there is unfortunately, even today, a massive stigma attached to this for some people. I do believe that some of the lack of help and empathy we received when my mum got her injury was because of how she got it. I would suggest maybe changing Drs as it sounds as though your current one may carry some negative feelings toward suicde too?

    I'm sure once you get a more understanding gp, they will help you find the right medication and perhaps even counselling if you both think it might help you.

    My boyfriend also suffers from depression, and I have it in a milder form too, so you certainly are not alone.

    Here if you to talk xxx

  • Thanks for ur empathy even with ur present situation. Read ur post about ur mum. My heart goes out to her and you. A moment of madness causing such damage. Will carry on, not too bad now. Was really shy and weak before all this happened to me now feel so much stronger so maybe there's a silver lining. Ur mum wouldn't have being thinking straight when she did that, she d have being in so much pain. I'd had some physical illnesses in the past few years- minor operations and I would take any of that over severe emotional pain and darkness!!!

  • If you are not taking a supplement, you may be vitamin D deficient which can create a heavy dark depression. Lack of sunlight. There are the SAD lights you can buy which light up your room at home either on alarm clock or just a normal lamp. They give the brain the impression it is bathed in sunlight which raises mood.

    Been taking Immiflex Vit D supplement myself for years.

    Best of luck

  • Hi princess 40.

    No matter how a bi happens it has happened and dealing with it is the same. Mine was due to a rta and I have gone through years of if only even though the rta was not my fault.

    In my cas I suffered a bi to the right side plus front to back shake. The result was mainly pathway damage. Everything takes more effort and my brain litterally gets tired.

    I have a constant ache on right side and back of the neck.what seems to work for me is relaxation. When things are bad I have a peacefull place in my mind I escape to ( helps overcome panic attacks as well ). Along with this I put on my headphones and listen to music. I seem to be able to switch off doing this and sort of give my mind a rest

    I realise these may not work for you but if you haven't tried them give them a may help.

    Hope you have a good time at pilates class Pax

  • Never feel guilt for your depression Princess ; it's a devastating illness, the pain of which is shockingly underestimated by none-sufferers.

    Maybe start again now from scratch with the help of new people and support from us here. Please stay's a good, safe place to be. xx

  • Hi Princess,

    No matter what the cause of your brain injury, you will find many similarities between the symptoms of BI amongst the people on here : )

    It would have been nice if your GP had intervened before you became in such a desperately depressed state and yes, the circumstances may well have coloured their opinion of you, leading to a dismissal of your resulting symptoms.

    Having said this, there are also a lot of instances these days where patients with neurological symptoms with no past history of psychological issues are told it is 'all in their head' or the result of stress without any referral for further tests. I suspect it is sometimes linked to lack of NHS capacity and the need to save time and money on expensive diagnostic procedures.

    Have you an alternative GP that you could perhaps see at your surgery ?

    Glad you have found us,

    Kind regards, Angela x

  • It's gone so long now, I just can't go bk to a g.p explaining how I got this problem. I went to acupuncture when the pain was very bad privately and it did help so it may help others. And also to a physio who taught me exercises to appease the pain a little bit

  • I had acupuncture many years ago for a frozen shoulder problem, and was amazed at results! I'd always recommend it to anyone to go and talk to An acupuncturist to see if it would help,it's about realigning things isn't it!

    Wonder how it would work for Bi?

  • Welcome Princess40

    Ask away. We are all in the same boat here, and here to help all. Pilates is great for helping to empty your head and to reduce stress and anger. I would def give it a go.

  • Thanks all for ur replies. It has made me feel less alone and afraid.

  • Hi Princess

    I got my moderate brain injury and post concussion syndrome by losing my balance and falling onto concrete 6 foot below - it is "my fault" I could have found a safer way to get where I was going but didn't. I did a little bit of "why did you do that" "if only" but it is a waste of energy which is better used on dealing with what is now. (this group helped me see that). Blaming yourself and assuming you don't deserve support and understanding is very being hard on yourself and counterproductive. Please start being kinder to yourself.

    My brain injury was missed by the GP because I had suffered from depression previously and she assumed the BI symptoms related to depression returning , as did my counsellor and the Physio also missed it. So I do understand the frustration of being dismissed because of having had a depression. It wouldn't happen if it was a physical illness. The provision for depression in the NHS is pretty rubbish in my experience. Do you use Samaritans? I did when I was suicidal and it helped.

    Find another GP - then go and explain your history and get help. It's not too late. You deserve help and support.

    Trying Pilates from video sounds good to me rather than going to a class where you have the pressure to keep up with others.

    Let us know how you get on.

  • Thanks, I am comforted by your story but I think I will always blame myself. I just hadn't the life experience and wisdom that ur thirties bring at that stage . I was terrified of the depression cos I was in a fog like state and thought I was going mad. Sorry about ur injury from falling down concrete steps. That must be so hard . Yes I think I will try Pilates from video first and then see how I get on.

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