GillC

I have never posted on here before as I don't really know what to write...

I had a 'severe' head injury about 18 years ago in a car accident, as well as some broken bones. All things considered I am very lucky and function very well (externally!). I made a far better recovery than was expected. I didn't feel I got much support after though and am unsure really what the long term effects of brain injury are/were - maybe because I was only 20? I was advised that I should/would only be able to work part time and would unlikely be able to be self employed/ run my own salon (I am a beauty therapist and was still at college when the accident happened). Anyway, I maybe pushed myself too much, but I have a salon- with help - and work full time. I am however unable to do much else and feel drained most of the time! I don't have much of a social life. Since having my daughter 4 years ago I seem to be a lot worse. Exhausted all the time and have brain fog almost all the time. My memory is worse. Headaches. Tummy trouble.

Anyway I don't want to moan as there are a lot of people worse off than me but I don't even know if how I am feeling is due to the head injury or not. I have spent the past 18 years trying to find an cure for how I am... Hypnosis, vitamins, massage etc. maybe it is just me? Any advice greatly received 😁

6 Replies

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  • Morning,

    Not sure I can advise medically of course - but working full time and having a four year old is actually quite a lot in itself - without the background history of BI.

    Motherhood can do a lot to your physical self and tiredness,memory issues,headaches and tummy troubles may be related ..... ( I have two boys now 23/21 but remember the exhaustion well) .

    my advice would be to do what you can to get basic tests to rule anything medical out but then try to be kind to yourself - rest , play with your daughter , eat the best diet you can muster , get some fresh air and sunshine, meet with friends when you can and consider some yoga/pilates/tai chi ....

    Maybe there isn't a "cure" for everything in life - perhaps try to enjoy the bits you can and once you stop searching for a cure things may settle a bit?

    Do you have a local counselling service or holistic therapy clinic - they may have some other suggestions and talking about things may be helpful - other mums even ?

    Forget housework and concentrate on yourself and daughter ...

    Sorry if that's not ever so helpful ....

    Good luck

    K

    x

  • Hi Gill. Moo has said it all really. But I'd just like to add that it seems most likely that your symptoms are brain-injury related and pushing too hard to get 'back-to-normal' might be doing more harm than good.

    The first rule of BI is to gradually stretch your limits whilst respecting them. Going beyond invariably leads to exhaustion.

    I hope you can eliminate any other causes of your fatigue then find a way to delegate more work so as to give yourself some space for the respite you need.

    Best wishes, Cat x

  • Hi Gill

    As moo and Cat have said please be kind to yourself.

    And as for looking for a "cure", assuming that there is nothing new medically wrong, I would venture to suggest that you used all of your available energy getting the salon going leaving you with no reserves for the children.

    Is it possible for you to step back a little from the salon perhaps taking an extra day off or handing the administration to someone else?

    You may have the normal life that many aspire to but learning to balance that with a home life that does not make your fatigue worse is a major skill.

    Lovenhugs

    Xoxo

  • Thank you all.

    I need to reevaluate a few things I think. Work less. Try to rest more... I find it difficult to accept that I can't do what I think I should be able to do. And that's after 18 years! Maybe I never will x

  • Hello Gill,

    I can imagine your frustration. I had mild TBI after a seemingly minor accident in 2001. I was approching 40 - at the busiest phase of my family life and my career. 14 years onwards I am still struggling with exhaustion, farigue and migraines, mostly - when there is a slightest change happening which affect my routine (conditional) in my day to day life. I still seem not able to cope with changes and need a very long time to adjust.

    I had to quit my job and reduce mental stimuli drastically after it happened. In that initial 10 years I was striving to get back to normal - looking for "cures" just like you, therapies, remedies, exercises ...taking one step forward then two steps back.

    Although I regained some of my capacity I had prior to, but I always feel that I am short of the person that I was. Many people think I am not trying enough, and keep telling how can I live such a "menial" life. I too started to think, "is it me??" We had to face problem after problem, practical, emotional, social - and try to find the best way to solve them.

    By now, I lost my appetite to go head on as I used to - perhaps I am not as young anymore, I lost my eagerness (or too many set backs?) Nowadays, as many fellow sufferes mentioned earlier - when I think that the frequency of migraine increased, or I feel "abnormally" (more than my usual fatigue) tired, I check with GP, get blood test done to eliminate other possible causes - and get rest.

    My children are both grown ups now and I am still happily married ... So somehow we survived so far. I think I just have to stop a bit when the things look like it is going pear shaped and reminding myself of the good things, the achievements (although mine might be insignificant) - most of all the blessings we have so far no matter how little...

    As the "cure" might be just that - always try the best possible, accept the outcome and feeling grateful with whatever we have....?

    Enjoy the time with family, especially with your daughter - children grow so quickly...

    Good luck!!

  • Hi - Sorry about the late response, but I have been away.

    I find your post interesting because there are some similarities to me. My accident was 35 years ago, and I was 23. It involved a blood clot on the brain as well as broken bones.

    I also had a business and worked very hard in my late 20's and early 30's. It was the birth of my daughter (and subsequent emotional stresses with separation from my wife) that tipped things over. Even though I wasn't running the business any more, the sleepless nights meant I was continually drained, and I was diagnosed with having ME (or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome).

    These days I accept that I'm not ever going to be as I was, or like others with more energy than me, but the brain fog went years ago, and I can live a fulfilling and enjoyable life even with the restrictions I have.

    I don't think I had or have ME, but, after going through lots of theories and possible cures, I believe the tiredness is down to our brains having to work harder to cope with everyday situations, and that can be even more difficult when we don't get enough sleep. I now sleep 9 - 10 hours a day, and find that works best for me.

    Your life should get easier as your daughter gets older (you've probably noticed that already). I now do a lot of cycling/walking on my own which gives my brain a good rest - meditation or something like yoga might also be really beneficial (if you have the time : )

    It will get better though, even if you are never "cured".

    Good luck and all the best,

    Robin

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