I haven't written on here for a very long time, I haven't read any posts on here for a very long time - in fact since 11 March last year! Each time a notification has arrived I have moved the email from my inbox to a folder, my intention when I started was to read them all as & when I felt up to it. Around the same time I stopped going to see the Head Injury team at hospital, I stopped seeing my GP (& taking the medication she'd issued) & shortly afterwards I stopped seeing my counsellor. I also stopped going out alone other than on very rare occasions. I have found comfort in such reclusiveness, I still feel anxious & have panic attacks, but less so as I avoid situations that cause me most anxiety or distress. This has served to allow me the luxury of not having to think about the emotional implications of brain injury, instead I have just got by day by day dealing with the physical & cognitive symptoms (which is more than enough to cope with in my book).
The reason I am analysing this now is because I am due to start seeing the hospital Head Injury team next week & am very nervous about doing so. Aside from the practical issues of having to make my way there alone via buses & taxis (where available), I am worried about seeing the team & other patients. The team are visibly frustrated by me, they view my upset at my injury & subsequent daily symptoms as failure to accept it has happened. I find it incredible they think it strange to be upset by such issues, especially as they now tell me I will likely experience these symptoms for the rest of my life! I find it difficult to cope feeling unwell so much, but nothing is harder to cope with than feeling judged for how I feel (which I have no control over) by those supposed to help me.
Written by
CuriousConnie
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Hi , only that as a health professional I know we can come across as being very judgemental to patients when in fact the opposite is true .
I would think the previous advice of taking someone to the rehab with them may be a worthwhile experience . It's very easy to shut yourself away after a serious head trauma , the battle is continuing your life and experiences . To people who haven't had the trauma it's very easy for them to stigmatise those of us that have . The journey of recovery is not an easy one but friends , loved ones , family are there to help and support . What you as a patient see as a detrimental remark , may of been said in all sincerity , and it's the damage they have sustained that alters their perception. Understanding the injury is perhaps the hardest but most rewarding part of the recovery , it gives you a better understanding of how those who haven't had the trauma see you . It's easy to shut yourself away , the hard part is asking for help to continue the journey of recovery .
I used to work in a GPs surgery ( as a support worker ) and found that it was easier to help patients who had asked their healthcare professional for help and referral
Thank you to everyone who kindly took time to read my post & offer their comments, much appreciated. I appreciate the fact it must be easier to help patients who wish to improve & whose attendance for any therapy is driven by free will & choice. I think there may be a clash between myself & the team as regards perceived injury acceptance. I understand & accept my injury as fact, however, logical & cold hard facts ignore emotions (which are anything but logical) & as a human being I am emotional & react as such. I feel very vulnerable & am scared for my future life, these thoughts upset me & seem to be mistaken for non-acceptance on my part. It would be impossible for me to deny or ignore the injury as I endure the subsequent symptoms 24/7. I hate that some teams rely on their knowledge of theories & text book learning, we don't all fit nicely into those boxes & theories don't have a 'one size fits all' solution.
I agree to some degree that we must all try to engage in life as it is precious, however, the outside world is a very scary place when seemingly simple or everyday tasks & environments hinder or worsen symptoms. Why lay yourself open to feeling even worse? Isolating myself is also a way of keeping myself safe from practical dangers such as crossing the road. It makes sense to me.
In brain injury terms I am 'walking wounded', I have my senses & use of all limbs etc etc. Sadly though I also have round the clock spells of being unwell, dizzy spells & a brain that doesn't function well & that I can't rely on or trust. What I miss the most cannot be given back to me & no amount of rehab can replace my peace of mind.
xx
I do not have contacts at Headway as I haven't been there for years either, I couldn't go because I couldn't attend alone.
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