Anniversary

[Ollymitchard1985]

Accident 3 years tomorrow seems like a huge weight pulling me down fed up wth whole situation I should b proud of myself not frustrated wth myself

[Hidden]

Oh Olly, I KNOW how you feel, me too. I used to be proud of myself and how hard I worked to relearn things and adapt, but I'm not any more: I feel a complete failure and stupid. And I'm SO sick of people laughing at me and saying: 'ha ha look on the internet', 'THIS is the truth' then someone else says 'No, THIS is' = trying to muddle me even more = on PURPOSE.

And people think (I think): 'ha ha, it's just a joke - she can't take a joke' but when it's WAY TOO MUCH and TOO OFTEN = it isn't a joke it's bullying and it really hurts. Hate being messed with like that, does my head in and makes me lose confidence.

I used to celebrate the anniversary of my ABI = another year alive when I 'knew' I was dead. But now I feel I have NOTHING to celebrate, my memory's worse and my body's deteriorated more, lost my family/friends, STILL not earning money, live in a place I HATE (as several before), too much paperwork I can't do, VERY alone with no hugs/support. Makes me hate myself, I try to put a brave face on for people but HATE their smirks, fake over-friendly-odd and fake looks of concern (I think it's meant to be).

Just want to be treated normal as was before by people, not over-friendly-fake nor horrid/excluded, just normal. Fear will never get that again, I miss how I and my reality/world was SO much and the friendship and love I used to have with so many but above all with my son = losing that destroyed me.

[StrawberryCream]

Anniversary time is for others too a difficult time - it is not just you so don't be too hard on yourself. I think it is the time when we often reflect on what happened, how life was pre BI, how it is now and how it will be in the future. It is very much the recognition of how much recovery has been achieved but I know for me that is negated by a strong desire for wanting my pre BI life and me back. I am nearing my 4th Anniversary (27th May) and although I survived when I wasn't expected too, defied the odds of severe mental and physical disability, have recovered sufficiently to be living independently and be single parenting my 9 yr old, it is hard to accept that this is a good fulfilling life. I still struggle to accept what has happened, and life with a BI is frustrating and difficult. I know some people on here have spoken of 'acceptance' being the key to enjoying and making the most of BI life. But I don't know how you achieve that and get to that place in life now.

Best wishes

[Hidden in reply to StrawberryCream]

StrawC: yes,me too: think to get to ACCEPT it you need, I need info about what happened,how/why I got so injured, true full facts about my injuries now, remedial care (but too late now), help with the PAIN, ideas.choices of any treatments (if any possible now 9 years later), who did what and with what implement and why (Cluedo and the murder of who I was and MY LIFE) and above all: acceptance by those who CAUSED it, sorry be nice but they mumbled sorry (he with terrible teenager surly tone) in the meeting but that was worse than if they HADN"t been forced to by the consultant - he of course said NOTHING, he took NO responsibility = coz he was on call but not on site. Wonder if he feels guilty or the anaesthetists? And the hospital said 'regret'or something several times but that drove me bonkers coz they were lying and covering up and pretending all 'imagined' = that still hurts me SO bad.

But most of all we need ACCEPTANCE by those around us/all including governments (disability benefits which don't include OUR needs), that needs education and the FACTS and we need help/support LIVING daily with our sudden disability which affects EVERY facet of our lives. Plus help to grieve over our losses including our very selves as well as job, home etc. We need SERVICES in place and society to make everything easy to get to/into and understand. But that'd be utopia wouldn't it and that'll never happen...

[sporan]

Hi Olly

I know how you feel. Sometimes it's really hard to see the bright side of life.

The only anniversaries I try to remember are my wedding day and birthdays, the rest of the time looking forward not back. I try to enjoy the good days and forget the bad as soon as they've past.

There's plenty of comfort to be had on this forum, just reading others posts/replys, having a good old whinge and moan or having a bit of a chuckle.

Talking of chuckle you should pop and have a look at Matts (AKA MJ) picture he's just posted. That brightened my day up no end

Take care and don't feel alone we all get a bit down with it all at times and we all here understand what it's like.

Sporan

[Danslatete]

Try your best to look at how far you have come. Grieving for what you have lost is normal so don't beat yourself up. My 11 year was in Feb. I still have my moments of what I was before,but it does get easier as time goes on.

I try to do something nice, like eat cake!

[Ollymitchard1985]

Thankyou for All your comments x

[Sem2011]

Hi Olly

I felt actually the same as you and posted 'how do people cope with their anniversary day'. Mine is the 9 July 2011. It is hard not to think of a day in which turned our lives upside down as sad, but I planned a day out as distraction, which involved Eton mess, my favourite pudding and a couple of glasses of Pinot, and paid to have my nail painted. The day was good, I found the build up worse, but as other say, I try and concentrate on how far I have come. Anniversaries do I believe become easier with time .

I paint your nails if you live locally, just your toes as I guess you are a guy :).

[paxo05]

Saw your post earlier and was going to answer but didnt have time. I was going to say the old cliche it gets easier.

Then whilst at my appointment was asked casually when I finished work. Without thinking replied with the date of the accident ( one date I will never forget ). Then suddenly went quiet and felt a panic come over me. I suddenly felt all the feelings of struggle and frustration since the accident flow over me. I was disorientated and confused.

Well so much for it getting better. I dont celebrate the anniversary anymore, it will be 16 years this year. But i do think about it on the day. You will learn to accept the new and modified you and realise the good people you have met and things you have done since.

I dont know really what to say. Does it get easier= probably not. Does it get better = most definatly a big yes. So may be the real answer is life is just different now some good bits some bad bits. Hope you finf what make YOU happy.

[aqua4]

Hi Olly, I can't add anymore than the others and how much the support from this site has kept me going. Take care.K

[Nutkin33]

I know exactly how you feel. Although my accident wasn't at long ago as yours. I know a couple of months ago, I had my second anniversary, and I was determined not to cry! Well, I didn't, but DID cry the day after. The 'down' feeling finally got the better of me.

Every anniversary, you have to look far back, and realise that progress has been made, although it doesn't feel like it at the time!

Well done for you 3 years. 😀😀