I'm running out of steam as of late. My friends have headed out on their way to wherever they want their lives to be (can't blame them for that), I've been at this university for waaaay too long and the new guys here don't really understand what's happened to me.
I'm not keeping up with my work, and I'm not really taking care of myself very well. I still feel disconnected but I'm getting used to that. I haven't had a seizure in about 7 months which is great.
Still, I'm just very very tired. I hope you're all getting on well!
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I think tiredness is something we all have to enjoy with BI. Are you not taking care of yourself because you're trying to keep up with deadlines or because you're just too tired.
Perhaps if you spoke to your tutors and explained your situation they may be able to arrange a bit of support for you and a bit of lee way on your deadlines.
Of course if you just want a chat or socialise but too tired to go out there is always us mixed bunch of.... well we're here to chat n listen etc. etc. Oh! Not forgetting working out Matts puzzles and identity parades
My son's at uni now, and had real trouble settling in I think he's finally decided he's going to do all three years, he was at the point of not going back come September but I think he's over that now.
He is tired all the time, can't wake in a morning and has no motivation. In his case I think it's a bit of depression too but we support him where we can.
I know things are different for you, you have other things to overcome and you are doing so well. I'm sure you'll feel it was all worth it in the end. Have you managed to get into a routine?
That feeling of disconnection is a difficult one to get to grips with.
Glad you've managed to keep in touch with this post, hopefully when the weather improves, it'll brighten your outlook on things, the winter is a hard slog xxxxx
Take care Janet x
Hi
Just a thought but is there any support available at Uni
Sorry you're feeling so down Ben, and that your mood is getting the better of you.
I agree with Janet, that it sounds like seasonal depression ................ which shouldn't be trivialised. It often hits hardest around now, when despite seeing signs of Spring we've been brought down by the months of dreary dark days and lack of life-affirming sunshine.
And maybe you've lost sight of your goal because the 'slog' seems endless and your familiars have all disappeared, and topped with the disconnectedness (my shrink called it 'Derealisation' it all adds up to a massive challenge.
All I can offer are masses of good wishes & the hope that your spark will return as winter fades.
Love, Cat xx
Hello, I feel the same BSA: absolutely exhausted and trouble is I then start crying and feel totally without hope. I way overdid it yesterday = only chatting to 1st 2 people and had to leave coz to much and my brain couldn't keep up then a woman in the afternoon. I should have known better: too much for one day. But it makes me SO sad: I so LOVE talking with people.
Today had to set 2 alarms to be up and out and at an appointment for 9.30am. Yet more forms, dunno why I bother = pointless, I must be VERY stupid. But I was proud I did it and put (tried to) a brave face on. Keep getting weird spots on my eyes = with pus in, hurts SO bad, that a weird patches (of what?) on skin = and NO help/info from docs makes me know I'm sub-human, don't matter.
And the secretaries at appt. were SO brisk, unfriendly and rude, it say 'welcome' on the door = NOT. Does it make them feel good treating people so nastily?
And the woman I saw, the appt., she was all sort of nice and said she'd help but dunno how MANY I've trawled around to see now and just get dumped be all of them. I am VERY stupid to try again, but what else to do? Then I remembered something and popped back to see her, give her another paper (that different depts already taken copies of over and over again) and she was really horrid and said I was annoying her, the COW.
been refused copies of my medical records here and in UK and anyway when I do get some they aren't complete, have loads of errors, can't read the handwritten scrawl = pointless and you must PAY for them and we aren't allowed to CORRECT them.
SO exhausted after than and from yesterday, all been building up for 9 months. Fell to bits before xmas with it all and into hospital but WORSE after and dumped.
LOVELY sunny day today, birds, a lizard, but had to come in and try rest: can't coz SO stressed out by so many things: housing, papers, STINK here, NO doctor or care, NO help (although promised), MEGA fear car and try register it here in France = yet more OVERLOAD = exhaustion = get v low = cry = suicidal. On and on. Yes, as BSA says: others getting on with their lives and I don't know how to, know what I need but that's not allowed apparently.
What's the point of staying alive? None. Too useless, get so little done each day, have to waste days = months = years try rest. Try to cope with it all, do best I can but not good enough. Only I (we with ABI) know how hard we work every day with every thing. And we get called 'lazy' and people (like y'day) ask: what do you do all day? And I don't know what to say. It's very rare I'm lying down doing NOTHING: the stress won't let me. I'm busy EVERY day doing things but zilch to show for it, so sad. Am VERY disheartened and really no hope left that anything can ever get better however hard I try.
And every day yet more on lists of must-do things. No respite, no peace.
So, dunno: no answers, no solutions = hopeless, so sorry.
Oh, BSA, what are you doing at university? Where? What stage are you at?
I can't remember if I've said this before ... I am a university lecturer, in geology and environmental science. I had to have 18 months off, after my TBI.
At my place, if someone came in after an accident, they'd be recorded as an SoSN (Student of Special Needs), and people would keep a close eye on them, they'd have their time in exams extended a bit, they might have certain deadlines extended... of course, they have to still prove they *deserve* the degree, but we try and make sure their 'Special Needs' don't get in the way.
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Its been a while ...
It's been ages, as always, sorry
It's been very quiet in here lately....
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