The power of negativity

[Matt2584]

[sporan]

Mmmmh! A bit deep Matt! Oh by the way that ship looks a bit old to be too seaworthy . My sons a Royal Navy Marine engineer so boar don't leak lol.

Geoff

[Matt2584 in reply to sporan]

A bit DEEP. Is that a pun I spot there ? :).

The saying is pretty true though. My Dad is a pretty negative person. If I were to spend lots of time with him, he would positively drown me in negativity. This is why I rarely talk to him.

Take care,

Mj

[Matt2584 in reply to Matt2584]

When I was talking about being drowned by my dad's negativity, I forgot to add that he is like a mildewed ear haha.

It was a line in the Shakespeare play, Hamlet. It came from Hamlet when he was talking about his uncle Claudius.

Hamlet referred to him as a mildewed ear. Picture a corn field. One mildewed/rotten ear of corn can spread and affect other ears of corn. In other words, Claudius was like a virus.

My Dad's negativity is similar but it tries to spread inside the house mainly. But because I keep my distance from him, he can't infect me :).

[Hidden in reply to Matt2584]

Oh when I read mildewed ear I thought it meant if you're a downer and keep moaning the person you're talking to = their ear gets mouldy (mildewed)! Forgot about ears of corn, derr me.

Can't remember any Shakespeare really, don't know who Claudius was, think Hamlet was play within a play, can't remember anything else.

Can't judge a ship (how seaworthy it is) by what it looks like! Same as can't judge book by its cover (though cover SELLS it often) and same as us: people look at us with invisible disability and judge us to be lying/exaggerating and judge people with very visible disability in other ways.

Sometimes I think it's as annoying when people are way too over-optimistic as when they're very negative. Some people love having a good moan, sometimes we need to same as need a laugh, maybe we just need bad times balanced with good times and sometimes they aren't and our reactions are actually reasonable and within what's called 'normal'?!

[Matt2584 in reply to Hidden]

I was first told about 'mildewed ear' thing in college in 2000. Me and the rest of the class thought of a mangled ear as if talking too much.

Hamlet was the name of the star of the show with the same name, Hamlet. And like I said before, Claudius is Hamlet's evil uncle.

The cover of a book can sell it quite often but really it should be the plot that sells the book. I remember when I was little I used to get my Dad to buy video games for me just because I liked the picture on the front cover. It doesn't mean the video game would be any good though. Much the same with the book analogy and like you say, this refers to people as well. Some people date other people because they might look good but their personality could be horrible.

Everybody experiences good times and bad times and it is how we handle those situations. I don't think that makes us normal but I do think that is what makes us human.

[sporan in reply to Matt2584]

I to spot a pun in you're follow on about being DROWNED in dads negativity.

thought the original post so true.

[Matt2584 in reply to sporan]

Well to be honest, when I wrote about being DROWNED in my dad's negativity, a split second thought went through my mind "DROWNED, another great pun haha".

I just forgot to write that out in my comment :).

[cat3]

I'm glad your dad hasn't managed to drag you down.

I had a seriously depressive father and I understand the importance of holding on to positives with all your might.

Hang on to whatever 'Floats your boat' and keep smiling Matt !! xx

[Matt2584 in reply to cat3]

Thanks Cat :).

I'm glad my Dad hasn't managed to drag me down either. He could've come close when I was in my teens, twenties sort of stage of life but now I only say few words to him.

He is way too serious about life and he uses the term "Sod's law" a lot which I and my mum hate. Thinking about it, who is sod? A law that belongs to sod haha.

It is I, my mum and dad at home right now but if something happened and it was just me and my dad, I would move out like there was no tomorrow.

[Hidden]

Or maybe you try your HARDEST not to let the water (negativity) in but their arms are mightier than your defences: they have mines and bombs and divers who secretly pull the plug out = how do you fight against that? They sink you, far from land, no life boats or buoyancy jackets, no helicopters, plenty of sharks and you can't swim...

[Matt2584 in reply to Hidden]

Why not try to think of it in a positive light, muddled, and imagine you are like the sun and you evaporate the water so they can't overfill the ship and drag it down and the bombs and divers etc would be no good cos there is no water cos you evaporated it :).

[Hidden in reply to Matt2584]

Oh Matt, that's LOVELY, you think out of the box far better than me, you're SO clever! But your picture with ship at the top is night: would have to wait too long for the sun. Even the most clever/mighty person possible can't command the earth to turn more quickly to get in right direction for the SUN!

[Matt2584 in reply to Hidden]

I do speak of a metaphorical sun though :).

If I was taking about a real sun and you were that sun then you would positively frazzle.

[Hidden in reply to Matt2584]

Sorry, got me lost now, too complicated,me too stupid!

[Matt2584 in reply to Hidden]

You were saying that in the picture it is night so there would be no sun and no force could turn the Earth quickly to make the sun come back.

I was asking you to imagine you were the sun and you were evaporating all that negativity. The sun does not have to be present when you imagine something.

It was me putting positive thoughts in your head. In other words I was saying you are stronger than you think.

By the way, it isn't quite night timein the picture, it is evening. The sun is still visable but is setting.

[Hidden in reply to Matt2584]

But what if I thought I was strong and actually I'm wrong and I'm NOT as strong as I think? I'm certainly NOT as strong as other people think: they are deluded! Opinions...

And how can you tell in a picture whether the sun's rising or setting?

[Matt2584 in reply to Hidden]

Well be positive about it. Think that you are strong and you could show that you are strong.

If you feel it is not working, rise above it.

If you are not as strong as what others think, bugger them. That is their own thoughts.

Let them thin what they like about you but you shouldn't let there thoughts getto to you.

In that picture, it looks to me like the sun is setting, I can tell by the colour of the sky around it.

[Hidden in reply to Matt2584]

Matt: I used to be far more positive and strong than I am now, even AFTER my ABI. I wrote that my glass was always half full (not half empty) in 2008 to ex-solicitor in rambling email.

I try so hard to be strong but when others find it fun to block me, make things harder than need be and when facing stuff never done before (VERY hard work but I TRY) I break down = exhausted and broken.

I know you're right: not to let their thoughts get to me but when so many keep telling me I exaggerate, I'm looking for attention, I'm too demanding I get to the point I try to shut up because all the ways I've tried to explain the help I need = FAIL and that makes ME feel a failure, am,but I know it isn't my fault it's coz things too hard, but when I keep failing I lose my courage and what smears of strength I had left: I had already scraped the barrel ages ago.

Usually people's love,kindness and help tops up our barrel and our strength/resilience but when for too long had all negative stuff (feedback) aimed at you = destroys you, well me anyway. I don't think I'm unusual in this and think/know I've tried VERY hard but never good enough apparently.

I know people can say what they want (free to express things) but in my opinion when someone calls BINGO/STOP several times = they mean it and anyone who continues to belittle, bully, victimise after that should be punished. Or am I wrong or extreme (as usual apparently)?

So hard with NO praise or encouragement and with only negative feedback even for stuff all know I HATE doing and is VERY difficult. Sometimes actually I think I deserve a medal but what use is THAT?! Zilch. But everyone deserves resolution and peace and for the pushing, prodding,slapping and shoving to STOP. We all know that and deserve to be allowed to live the best life we can.

I haven't seen my son for over a year and my heart is broken, we were so close before and had a great relationship,it cuts me to my core that we can never regain that: impossible I think, WAY too long. Must stop, tired and feel VERY sad and low, sorry.

[Hidden]

Hi Matt, hope youre not too fed up. Have a look at this page at some of these quotes. There's some quite good ones on about other's bad attitudes. I know youre always cheery. Have a look!quotegarden.com/attitude.html

x

[Matt2584 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Karen :),

I'm not fed up at all and definitely not fed up after looking at those quotes. Thanks for sharing that and thanks for saying that I am always cheery, that's nice of you to say :).

When I talk to people on here or offline, I try to have a good, happy attitude. If I was at home, or on my own, likely at home, I could have a solemn or slightly grumpy attitude haha, not all the time though, just sometimes.

Saying that though, it could also be a case of having a BI. A BI can change ones attitude.

I haven't read all the quotes just yet but I have bookmarked the page. There are some good quotes there. One that I like is:

"Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference" by Winston Churchill

And "The only disability in life is a bad attitude" by Scott Hamilton.

Both of these quotes are very true :).

[Hidden in reply to Matt2584]

I liked that dissability one too and the one about attitude being contagious

[Matt2584 in reply to Hidden]

Attitude being contageous, like the mildewed ear I was talking about, very similar :).

[Hidden in reply to Matt2584]

I think youre immune from that negativity virus lol

[Matt2584 in reply to Hidden]

Well before I joined Headway I was quite negative. Headway has showed me more that the glass is half full. Although I do see thins both ways at times, the positive and the negative.

Even now, I can be negative about things, certain things.

[Hidden in reply to Matt2584]

Calm me down Matt pip people have just told me i don't live at my address anymore! I am trying to stay positive. I said if I've left why have i just received a letter from yourselves telling me about this appointment that im phoning you up about that no assessor has turned up for!!!

[Matt2584 in reply to Hidden]

I am going to use a line that a friend from Headway told me.

When you said the people from the PIP told you that you do not live at your address anymore, you say

"Are you taking the piss?" :).

If anybody contacted me and told me I don't live at at my address anymore I would tell them that I know I have a brain injury but I am not bloody thick. I think I should know where I live!

I liked what you said and I would probably say that myself.

"If I have left my address then how come I got a letter from you telling me about this appointment that I am phoning you up about that no acessor has turned up for", that is a good one :).

And then I might add "Are you guys a bunch of muppets or something?"

To be honest, I would probably be thinking these things but in the heat of the moment I probably wouldn't know what to say.

[Hidden in reply to Matt2584]

Someone turned up in the end Matt and she was actually a very nice lady! .It was probably the office people's fault messing the poor woman about!

[angelite in reply to Hidden]

Hi Karen,

Hospital had a totally different date of birth down for me-presumably mixed up with someone elses .Makes you wonder how messed up records/results are doesn't it ?It is frustrating when professional mistakes are made-I waited an hour round at P's for a Community nurse home appointment-no show.Not sure who to contact as my partner was informed on mobile and did not save the number.Got an appointment at memory clinic in morning-need to fill form in but some questions can't be answered in front of P.Stuff about delusions etc.Tricky.Yet need his signature on form as consent if I fill it in myself.

Hope you get your PIP people up to speed and a new appointment sorted.x

[Matt2584 in reply to angelite]

Hi Angela,

It does make you wonder how messed up there records are, obivously they do not work because in 2005 I was diagnosed with a cyst on my spine.

I had to see some doctors after I had a scan and the doctor I saw was virtually horrified at what he saw.

Judging from the scan results I had a very severe case of scoliosis. The picture of the scan showed that my body would be bent over to one side, like a right angle.

Surely the doctors would be able to tell just by eye that I did not have a severe case of scoliosis. I could stand upright.

It turns out that the fils were mixed up.

I do have a small case of scoliosis but not a severe case of it. I can have the scoliosis corrected but it is non problematic and feel I do not need yet another op.

But it just shows that docs are gettin worse and worse.

I have had problems with nurses as well in the past due to their non-caring, lack of work.

[Hidden in reply to angelite]

Thanks Angelite as i said to Matt someone came eventually a couple of hours later.Ive been in hospital and someone has been and taken blood from me then AFTER asked if i was this person - when i said i wasn't the nurse went away sniggering to another nurse!! I can see how many mistakes are made.The girl in the bed opposite me then said it looks like you've just had my test for me.No joke!

x

[Nutkin33]

So true! 😉