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Hi, I'm Steph 31 and my husband Robin suffered a massive SAH, rebleed and then consequent hydrocephalus. This has all been going in since 24th Jan, out of the blue.

I'm suddenly feeling almost after effects of the trauma of it all and although he is recovering really well, I'm struggling to cope with it all, dreaming and re living ITU and feel like I need some help with it all, hoping I'm in the right place.

7 Replies

Welcome! I think the trauma of the loved ones waiting I know my wife went though a lot, I was unaware at the time.


Hi Steph,

It's 3 years since, my wife had her tbi. Those early weeks were a stressful time, my two teenage daughters and I lived in the ITU/HDU waiting area for a couple of weeks, lots of travelling too. You need to get plenty of sleep to stay functional. Have you called Headway for help and advice on brain injury? They have a lot of help available. Or if you want to talk about how it affecting your life and family and compare notes then quite a few of us on here have been through it or still are going through it. My wife has congenital Hydrocephalus, not good to have a brain injury as well, her progress is still slow but steady.

Glad to hear Robin is doing well, have you got any family friends supporting you?

Feel free to ask questions or vent frustrations - it does help. Yes, you are in the right place,



Hi Stephanie, welcome and yes you are in the right place - its very scary for you right now and you will find a lot of support here from us all, some of us had brain injuries caused through a whole raft of different circumstances and there are others like yourself who are family of the person involved. Headway themselves are also of great support to members, via telephone or email. All their contact details are here on the site so do not hesitate to contact them. It may take a day or so for replies to come in to your post, so please bear with us. Our thoughts and good wishes are with you, Robin and your families....Shirley x


Hello Steph.

Firstly, welcome to the right place!

My husband sustained a TBI in Oct 2011 and we spent most of the first 3 months in ITU and HDU. It is a terrifying time for those waiting and hoping and it is unsurprising that, as Robin stabilises and improves, you are having what I always described as 'a bit of a wobble'.

You are just a human being Steph. It would be very odd if this level of terror, uncertainty and, eventually, fragile hope, didn't leave you reeling.

So, I will share with you what I have learnt (after a few false starts) as a warrior wife:

1. Make contact with Headway; having someone who really gets it to educate you, reassure that you're doing ok and guide you along the journey is essential. (www.brainline.org is another great place to go for resources and education).

2. Ask for help; your friends and family feel helpless and would LOVE the opportunity to help, they just don't know what to say to you.

3. Take REGULAR time off / away for yourself. Initially the guilt may split you in two, but the difference just 24 hours respite has on your ability to fight on will make up for that . If you're thinking 'I can't leave him...', see point 2 above. You don't have to leave him alone!

4. Tell your doctor how you're feeling. This doesn't mean you have to start any treatments, but it does mean they know the whole picture and can support you to support Robin; get them to link your record to his as his carer, you'll never have to wait for an appointment again!!

5. The most important; be KIND to yourself. Yes, Robin is the one with the brain injury, but you are his warrior wife and he can't do it without you. There is a whole raft of qualified folk to support Robin, he'll be ok. You have time to take care of you, you just need to give yourself permission.

This is a great community and we are here if you need us. Feel free to pm me if you want to ask anything more specific.

Good luck Steph. Remember you're amazing!

Charlie x


Hi Charlie and Steph

Firstly I like the term warrior wife as it should does feel like you're living in a battle!

My husband suffered a severe TBI while in holiday in France at the beginning of the year. He is doing really well and is due to have a reversed craniotomy in a couple of weeks so I do feel blessed that he is doing so well.

However he has his own business with a partner and the fact he cannot get back involved yet is driving him to distraction but I know he's not ready yet, only problem is he doesn't see that. This is causing the most awful tension in our house and at times I do have that 'wobble'.

If it wasn't for my great family and friends I'm not sure how I would be getting through this myself.

I keep telling myself give it time and things will sort out, I don't know any other way other than to crumble and I don't want that!

This site really does help so thanks for listening to me!


This is the right place . After my wife suffered a twin bleed in Dec 2000 I planned a short break away ,it took my mind to another place and when things got really dark I would think back to that break almost like meditation I think. As time goes on the pain lessens . Contact Headway and they care . Stef x


Thank you everyone. I like the term warrior wife as well! am trying to take your advice on board Charlie xx


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