11 years after and depression seems to have got worse!!!

[CW2002]

2002 A night out in town, after too much to drink and not being able to flag a taxi, i thought it would be better to cross the road so we had traffic covered both ways. I continued to talk as i crossed the road and didnt look to my right as i crossed, a mini bus hit me. This filped me in the air and i landed on my head, i sustained a skull fracture, blood clot on my brain and was layed in the road unconscious until i woke. I remember saying i wanted to go home.

I stayed in for around a week then returned home with the most horriffic head aches i have ever felt. All i wanted was to feel normal, back to how i was, myself.

After being off a month or so i made myself to go to work and try to get my driving licence back again some of the old life back. On returning to work i slept on my lunch, the nerve endings twitched constantly where the 50 odd stiches held my head together. I also had mood swings which were so hard to cope with. I was deeply un happy at 23 i had not experenced such deep depressive thoughts. I left one day and didnt return, that was the start of my 11 years on and off anti depressants.

Every time i have felt down i have been given cipramil, stayed with it for a few months and then when i am sick of feeling flat with no emotions stopped taking them. Until recently that is when the doctor looking at my notes asked me if i would ike to try sertraline. Well if you think its going to make you feel better why not try it. This tablet was different i went back after 6 weeks i was far worse but the doctor told me i hadnt given them long enough time to work. Back on them again and i still wasnt any better, i stuck with it for a year. It slowed me down so much and i was in my own world like 10 seconds behind everyone else. I am now 3 months tablet free again and doing exercise and going to run the Sheffield half marathon. Not really sure if i can keep living like this tho as depression doesnt ever seem to go.

The one constant is my wife, the greatest person ever. That is a shortened version of my last 11 years. Has anyone else gone through a similar experence or suffered depression let me know how you cope?

[TC1979]

Welcome to the site.

Read my profile by clicking my name next to the little photo of me ( like a hyperlink ! ). My story is very similar to yours in that I too was out with friends and was hit by a bus whilst in the road which resulted in a blood clot and a complete re-route of life itself. Difference is that Mine was in 2000 and got hit by a bigger + heavier object, a coach. Brief over-view.

I haven't found anyone to love me yet.

There are loads of people on this site that have had a head injury so its likely that there will always be similarities between you and someone else in any subject.

[CW2002 in reply to TC1979]

Yes sounds familar, its been a long time since it happened.

Did you get any compensation, i didnt as i had been drinking the police didnt measure the skid marks (the bus not mine) and the people on the bus said i ran out which i didnt. Did you need much help after it had happened how are things now?

[TC1979 in reply to CW2002]

LOL, underwear taken away by forensics to measure the skid marks, some things we never see on NCIS or CSI. " Evidence collected from the scene indicates that he was definitely scared ".

Jokes aside. I had been drinking too and was in a road where its quite likely that I would be struck by anything from a pedal bike to a lorry, the driver said in his police statement that he saw me but still drove as normal until I was lying on the road and he had a smashed windscreen and a TC1979 shaped imprint on the front of the coach. It didn't help that I had a normal barrister and the bus company had the best money could buy because it was their reputation at stake. The witnesses were cross examined and brought to tears and basically called idiots; 50/50 blame was the result and no compo.

I have made a full recovery, have had a few jobs, still live at home with my parents at 33, been to uni to study radiography. Am not on meds apart from the ones for epilepsy ( which I didn't have before the accident ).

My life has taken many twists and turns in the last 13 years but I remain positive and soldier on. I have many wishes and want a lot of things but I guess all will come in time.

[bikerlifestyle]

depression does seem to be a constant unfortunately

i am 17 years on and been on many different anti depressants am on trazadone at the moment

they do help with my mood, but i do tend to stop taking them as well as i get fed up of them

but then i go back on them, and they do help

i have just accepted now that depression is just part and parcel of it, i do try and fight it still

[CW2002]

Thanks for that, is it a normal GP you go and see? Thats what i do and they seem to tell me the same thing each time from its SADS to various other things but the head injury doesnt seem to come into it. I didnt know until they told me a year ago that there are other types, i know that the magic pill isnt out there but im not sure i want to keep testing them on myself.

[bikerlifestyle]

no i see a Consultant Neuropsychologist

i suppose in one way they are right its technically not the head injury

its more the accumulation of symptoms and life stresses after having the injury but we know that the head injury plays a massive part in the depression

i am no expert and but thats just the way i see it.

[cat3]

I've taken antidepressants for most of my life but, after my sah, the neuro.doc. changed mine to sertraline and, for a few months, I was in a very strange and uncomfortable place. After speaking to my GP, I reverted back to paroxetine which keeps me reasonably stable. These drugs can only adjust our brain chemistry approximately -- there's no perfect fix, unless you hit really lucky. I initially tried seven different ones before I found paroxetine.

If you are still depressed you should speak again with your GP. Best wishes, cat x

[cat3 in reply to cat3]

ps, I find the paroxetine caused very few side effects and doesn't (for me) flatten the emotions so much.

[CW2002 in reply to cat3]

I feel they just buy me some time, the intial month or so to get in my system, then 2/3 months of flattening mood then the back off them flood of emotion feel ok. Then back down and repeat the cycle. I have now twice got to a point of feeling like i had gone mad? A few years ago i convinced myself it was was down to work where i lived and life in general. 6 months away from it all and same while away, same when i got back. Heavy drinking also helps in the short term but that also catches up and makes me far worse. So currently im no meds, no drink and exercise, making me feel much like a rubber ball bouncing up and down with emotions and mood variation, can be hourly.

The above never seems to change. I think i can its easy to answer my own question but then the game of looking for the magic cure is over!!!

I got to see a CBT therapist first week she was off sick second week appointment 15 mins late so kicked me out 15 mins early. I filled out a mood diary but because of the meds i said i felt roughly the same most of the time. She didnt feel that was a valid answer and thought due to my answers on her sheet, i wasnt even depressed. I think try walking an hour in these shoes and we will see.

Sorry about that but my rant seems to be making me feel better for an hour or so.

[cat3]

Feel free to rant whenever you need to. I hope it helps.

If you can cope wthout the ADs for long enough to allow your brain to adjust, then fine. But if, after six months or so, you are still fraught you might need to start searching,again,until you find one which suits your chemistry. After my haemorrhage I tried to manage without them because the sertraline was making me so ill, but I felt like I was permanently 'plugged into the mains' and, as you described, over-emotional and unstable. So after a few weeks I was back on paroxetine and began coping better.

If you've made a good start and feel able to continue without them, it might be that you can free yourself from them for good. But don't push it too far, that can be counter-productive.

Many years ago, I threw mine in the bin.....decided to cope without them at any cost.....ended up with meningitis and was told I had done a really stupid thing. Also, drinking and antidepressants is a bad combination and should be avoided.

You CAN deal with the depression by doing what you're doing = keeping fit and motivated and,maybe,getting counselling to talk things through.

Keep running.........and ranting. Hope things start to improve for you.

Best wishes, cat x