Acceptance?

My brother-in-law was diagnosed with a brain tumor (glioblastoma) in Nov 2021. In Dec 2021 tumor measured 3.9 cm. At that time, Surgery to remove tumor was done. Chemo/radiation treatment has been completed. The tumor has now merged with 2 smaller ones. In Feb, it measured 4.6 cm; and in March, measured 5.1. cm. At present time he is unable to walk and one hand is paralyzed. He is Bedridden but retains good mental capacity. The issue is his inability to accept his condition and prognosis. He feels that with time he will regain use of his legs, etc. This makes it nearly impossible to have a conversation with him regarding his prognosis. A support group has been something we think he could benefit from, but he declined. I’m not looking for a solution I suppose, but maybe someone here has dealt with something similar. Any insight or suggestions are appreciated. He is 70 yrs old and we live in California, USA. Thanks for allowing me to share.

[GT33]

Hi,I have had a similar one removed in March this year, everything I have read and understood, means it will possibly come back. Life yrs left are quite normally advised by medical teams as a year and a half etc. I can only say I am sorry to hear the condition that has happened. Just try to enjoy the time with your dad and try to talk about joyful items.

[Hidden in reply to GT33]

Thanks for responding. As I speak, he is being transferred to an acute rehab center for PT. He will be there a maximum of 2 weeks then released to go home. I truly understand his will to live but I also see my sister’s side. She is trying to do what’s best for him in the future but he is pretty much non-compliant. Don’t know if his attitude is part of the tumor issue or his outlook. His neurosurgeons have advised there will be no additional surgeries. Hospice has been given as an option rather than returning home. We are all just doing this one day at a time. That’s all we can do. Thanks for reaching out. It’s comforting to know people care enough to share their journey. Wishing you the best as well.

[Tansi75]

I'm sorry to hear about your brother-in-laws condition. I was diagnosed with a grade 4 glioblastoma in May 2010 and had a second tumour removed in 2015, I was in my 50's.

There are things your brother-in-law can do to fight back.

i. Diet is important, cut out unnecessary sugar, alcohol and fast foods. Eat freshly made food and include blueberries, pecan nuts and turmeric spice, which have anti-cancer properties. Sugar feeds cancer cells.

ii. Google the 'Truth About Food Grade Hydrogen Peroxide' (FGHP), which is an American document. I have been taking drops of 3% (multi-purpose) FGHP since 2010 in ozonated water (oxygen kills cancer cells). Ozonated water has extra oxygen in it and I use a Sota water ozonator to produce it, which you can buy on-line. There are cheaper ones, but the Sota has always been reliable and comes with a carrying case. So it is easy to transport around when having holiday's, breaks, or staying in hotels when having to attend hospital appointments.

iii. Consider using food supplements to boost his immune system. I use Higher Natures Immune+, which are available in the UK. You might have something similar in the States.

Whilst he is recovering, he should keep his brain active, I used reading, crossword puzzles and the game on my cellphone to do this.

Staying positive is most important, as is taking one day at a time. He should rest and sleep when his body tells him to. Laughter is also a good medicine, so if he, you and your family can laugh as much as possible, the better. He should also laugh when something he is attempting to do goes wrong. For example, yesterday I was going to place a washed cup in the cupboard next to the fridge. But had opened the fridge door and was just about to put the cup in it, before realising my mistake. In stead of becoming frustrated, I just laughed at myself.

If he believes in time, he will regain the use of his legs, that is good as it gives him a positive goal to aim for. Belief in his own ability to overcome his present situation is an important step forward. Time is a great healer, and he should take his time in allowing his body and brain to heal themselves. My own view has always been that my brain will 're-wire' itself over time; it will not work the way it used to, but I am still able to have a good quality of life style. Being adaptable and willing to change how he does things, is important; it's what I have had to do since 2010.

I hope this helps, if you have any questions please do reply.

I wish you all the very best for a longer future together, than you might be expecting at the moment.

Most of all you must all stay positive and support each other to do so.

[Hidden in reply to Tansi75]

Thanks for responding. As I speak, he is being transferred to an acute rehab center for PT. He will be there a maximum of 2 weeks then released to go home. I truly understand his will to live but I also see my sister’s side. She is trying to do what’s best for him in the future but he is pretty much non-compliant. Don’t know if his attitude is part of the tumor issue or his outlook. His neurosurgeons have advised there will be no additional surgeries. Hospice has been given as an option rather than returning home. We are all just doing this one day at a time. That’s all we can do. Thanks for reaching out. It’s comforting to know people care enough to share their journey. Wishing you the best as well.

[Tansi75 in reply to Hidden]

Having had a couple of days to reflect on your and your brother-in-laws situation.I believe his attitude is due to having a positive view regarding his circumstances and a drive to soldier on and fight his condition.

It is very similar to mine, which has enabled me to live well beyond a negative prognosis. Sometimes family members can become too focused on the prognosis and not enough on enabling the person with the tumour to get on living their life.

Four months before I became ill with my tumour in May 2010, my elder brother passed away after being diagnosed with a grade 4 glioblastoma in January 2009. His tumour was much larger than mine and whilst I and my wife did our best to give him as positive an outlook and time together. Other members of my family were too focused on themselves and what a terminal prognosis meant to them.

Whilst I was in hospital, waiting for my surgery, I discussed everything with my wife, but made it clear to her, that we would not be dealing with 'what if scenarios'. It was important to deal with the here and now and cross any bridges, when we came to them and not rush to make any assumptions. Taking one day and step at a time.

Because of our experience with my elder brother, we already knew what the probable prognosis was going to be. So, when my Oncologist asked if we wanted to know it, we said 'no'. We finished our meeting with the words 'To infinity and beyond!' From that moment onwards, my focus was on living for how ever long it would be, with the woman I loved. As a consequence, we concentrated on travelling around Europe for the next 4 years, before my second tumour decided to put in an appearance. My attitude remains the same, to get on living our lives together for as long as that may be.

I appreciate that what I have said might not be what you want to hear, but really do believe positive thinking is the best way to deal with your brother-in-laws situation.

I wish you all a positive and longer future together.

Take care and stay safe.

[Hidden in reply to Tansi75]

I absolutely appreciate your response and outlook! I need any and all experiences from those willing to share. Yesterday, my brother in law called my husband to have a guy chat. He told my husband that he is in tune on what is happening to him and what the outcome could be but he is truly hopeful! I cannot & will not take that away from him. I’ve spoken to my sister and told her that he is aware of his circumstances and that’s what she needed to hear; because he has not spoken those words to her. It’s taken some of the weight off her shoulders. As I shared before, we are striving to face this One Day at A Time. Thank you for sharing your journey. It does help. Peace.

[Hidden]

Hello,

I have had a similar situation my partner who has a high grade astrocytoma has always had trouble accepting his prognosis he has never wanted to know his prognosis or have it discussed or even a hint of a discussion. As hard as it is for others to accept that their loved one is not facing the reality of their situation it is a coping mechanism for the person suffering in my case I stress I'm sure not for everybody as he felt he needed hope to keep him going and for it not to overwhelm him. He did accept little by little certain parts of the prognosis but there were important parts that he never accepted. I believe that it gives him peace of mind from his thoughts and a safe space from the fears that are residing underneath. It has spurred him on to fight to keep his independence and try to remain positive in very difficult circumstances.

I hope that your brother in law's hopes come true with his determination they just might!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for responding. It’s been quite the journey and only time will tell. His reluctance to talk about his situation can be frustrating. Any news the doctor delivers to him, he chalks up to the doctors not knowing what they are talking about! He thinks he knows best. He wants additional surgery but neurosurgeon axed that request. He has been told there is nothing more that can be done. Hospice was recommended. I’ve wondered if he does accept his condition but won’t verbalize that. He is currently being transferred to a rehab center for 2 weeks then either go home or hospice. He wants to go home to get better. My sister will do as he wishes, taking on all his personal needs, and physical needs. It will be challenging, no doubt.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hi it is definitely challenging and frustrating and requires alot of patience I agree. My partner also thought he knew best but I guess he knows what's best for him to be able to deal with an overwhelming situation that he's having difficulty accepting. My partner also wanted hospice at home which I am currently doing it is hard work but I am committed and now have the support in place I need. I understand you're worrying for your sister having to go through this with him. I hope things get a little easier for them both sooner rather than later.