Hello

[obelisk1]

Hi, I'm new here, and it's nice that this community on this website exists.

I'm a nonbinary transmasculine person (as I'm neither male or female, yet tend to learn towards being more masculine), and I go by they/them pronouns. I'm currently on puberty blockers (Lupron, in my case), and am also on an add back therapy (so micronor, which is just progesterone) as apparently this reduces the negative effects of the puberty blocker I'm on - according to my doctor anyways.

Now, because apparently the original plan with my doctor (who is collaborating with an endocrinologist in the US) was to just go on hormone blockers for 6 months, and I've actually been on puberty blockers for about 7 months so far. And so he asked me about what my plan was, going forward, and I have no idea what I should do - like I know I want top surgery, and getting on testosterone is also an option I'm thinking about, it's just I have no idea if and/or when my dysphoria will change and/or my feelings towards this will change (like it's difficult when you're a part of a system and everyone wants different things; and people identify and/or present differently - me being the host). It's also difficult when you're dealing with other mental health issues, and doing things for yourself feels like you're just wasting your time and that it's pointless. And also when your mom has explicitly said that she doesn't support you going on HRT, it's kinda difficult (to put it lightly) to honestly tell her what you want/need, as I'm just so scared of how she'd react (and I need her support to do this, as I don't have a bank account or anything of that sort).

Does anyone have any suggestions on what to do and/or how to proceed?

I just don't know what to do, and this is just another thing, upon me dealing with my mental health issues, that I don't know what to do about, as nothing seems to help (am dealing with major depression, anxiety issues, etc). Sorry if this is confusing and/or long winded, I just have no idea how else to ask/explain.

[Christene Administrator]

Hey Obelisk1,

Firstly, apologies for the late response, I've been out of the country and I have been putting a lot of time and effort into my local Trans Community Group, TransWakefield.

The treatments you mention, 'top surgery' and Testosterone treatment, are personal options and are not a requirement for any gender format that you choose to adopt going forward, but, you must be sure of the path you want to be on before you engage in either of those two options ... you don't need me to tell you that they are not reversible ...

I'm interested in your Dr liaising with an endocrinologist in the US, was there no one in the UK that he could speak to, most big hospitals, and especially the teaching hospitals, and the Gender Clinics, have excellent services for you to tap into ...

The mental health issues that speak of are something that I can personally relate to ... having suffered with depression and anxiety for good part of my life, and i'm 60 now. I had worked out that my depression was linked to my constant suppression of my female self, many, many, years of trying to be the man that everyone thought I was eventually takes its toll, and I very nearly took my own life, the alternative being to come out to the world as Christene and live out my life as the woman that I knew I was, and am ...

Since coming out, and living as Christene 24x7, I have not had one single anti depressant, or any depressive episodes ... physician heal thyself ... ... I just say this because it could well be that your suppressed feelings are causing the depression ...

Only you can start your journey, wherever that may lead, small steps, so long as they are in the right direction, will get you to your destination ...

Welcome to the group, hope to hear back from you, and perhaps build up a better relationship ... where are you based ?

[obelisk1 in reply to Christene]

I'm located in Singapore, and with the "Dr liaising with an endocrinologist in the US, was there no one in the UK that he could speak to, most big hospitals, and especially the teaching hospitals, and the Gender Clinics, have excellent services for you to tap into ..." that was in the Cayman Islands, not the UK (though it is a UK territory, it's considered a part of the UK).