When I ask people's opinion on if they think that they can get FND because of trauma in thier life i'm meaning childhood sexual abuse as this is what happened to me so the neurologist blamed my FND on that,I put the sexual abuse behind me and got on with my life as I had 2 kids to bring up,I said to myself that it wasn't going to ruin my life.What I don't understand is why didn't I get FND earlier in my life if it was caused by being sexually abused as a child,I was 50years old when I got it I know they say it can be in your subconscious mind(I think that right)even that doesn't make sense to me as you would think you would get FND when your most stressed(example, when the abuse is actually happening.) I understand that a lot of people who have been sexually abused might not want to answer to this maybe through embarrassment.
Explanation of trauma: When I ask... - Functional Neurol...
Explanation of trauma
I have tons to say on this subject so I’ll try to keep it brief. I’m 44 and also have a history of abuse that never stopped until I finally got away from my family. I was abducted at 6 & sold to a pimp. Incest in my family was treated as normal. There were no games that the kids played that weren’t sexual in some way. My parents were/are both abusive & my older brother started to torture me for hours on end when I was 7 (out of anger towards my parents).
When I finally left for college, I was gang raped by 5 men and my PTSD was so bad, I had to drop out…only to land right back in my mother’s house where she blamed me for being raped & constantly told me I was going to hell because by allowing myself to be raped, it hurt her so deeply. She denied me access to a therapist.
Once I became disabled w/FND at 28, it meant having to rely on my abusive family for help. 20-something “friends” don’t stick around through hardship. As awful as my life has been, I’ve always done an almost immaculate job of concealing my pain from others. I was conditioned at a young age to always appear strong & capable.
Apparently, this quality of overcoming so much repeated trauma and maintaining an outward appearance that says, “I’m okay. No really, I’m okay!” is what my doctors blame for my FND. I don’t know if I buy it but in theory, it makes sense that if you’ve had only yourself to rely on while experiencing horrors that require compassion that never comes, you keep pushing the pain down. Eventually, the brain reaches a breaking point. My doctor blames my resilience for my FND. Unlucky all the way around.
I’m very glad to hear you were able to create a life & family for yourself and hopefully have found some happiness! I’m currently at the start of my 3rd year never leaving my apartment because I’ve developed a deep fear of other people. I haven’t seen a doctor in 4 years, as they’ve only made me feel less than human. I’ve never had a break from my trauma so I can’t relate on that level but I also feel certain neurologists, in reality, know very little about how our brains actually function. I’m always trying to learn more through my own research. I hope you’re doing well!
OMG what a life you've had in so so sorry to hear what you've been through, that is very brave of you to have posted this.I don't go out much myself due to anxiety I fall about all over the place and get a lot of attention which I don't like.When me and my sister told my mum that we were abused she called us liars but after my dad died she had the cheek to ask me what had happened she's sick in the head but at the same time it must have been hard for her to accept.You have made me feel very emotional after reading this I wished that I could do something to help you.Thankyou so much for replying it has sort of made me feel as though iv'e been lucky in away that I havn't had to go through as much as you have.Hopefully you will find the strength to start going out again and maybe meet someone nice.I don't trust people either i'm suspicious of everybody This is the saddest story I've read on this forum it will stick in my head for a long time.I TRULY HOPE THAT YOU MANAGE TO BUILD A LIFE FOR YOURSELF AND THAT ?YOU MANAGE TO GET THE ANSWERS YOUR LOOKING FOR THROUGH YOUR RESEARCH.I ?WISH YOU ALL THE BEST FOR THE FUTURE TAKE CARE ?AND GOD BLESS.MY FRIEND GAVE ME A WEE GUARDIAN ANGEL IN GOING TO GET IT AND SAY A WEE PRAYER FOR YOU.THANKS AGAIN FOR YOUR REPLY.X
You’re so very sweet! Such kind words that mean a lot to me. Your experience carries its own pain and I’m so sorry that it sounds like it was your father who hurt you. I no longer talk about the things I’ve been through, as I was repeatedly told to get over it and “There are people who’ve had it worse than you. Be grateful you’re not them.” That one came from my father and it surprised me at the time these wounds were fresh that I was mostly criticized by other women. This is why I never considered reporting these incidents to the police. If my supposed “loved ones” didn’t believe me or care, why would the police, you know?
It’s much easier to discuss these things in this type of forum. I absolutely welcome your prayers! I’m a very spiritual person and fight each day to keep a smile on my face and to try to have hope for a better tomorrow. I’m actually sorry that hearing about my experience caused you pain. But I want to thank you for the compassion you’ve shown and for sharing your own experience. It helps hearing stories like yours that have an element of healing & growth. I hope to be at least somewhat free of this burden eventually. I have no sense of community so I bear it alone. So, thank you for making me feel less alone in this world. 😌
Thanks for your reply your story didn't cause me pain so don't worry about that it just made me feel emotional and think to myself how the hell could do cope with that My dad used to say that if I told my mum what was happening then she would hit me with the belt.I did try to speak to a psychiatrist at one point but it was horrible it just made me relive it all over again but everyone is different it might help some people and not help others.Do you mind me asking what symptoms you suffer from with FND.Yet again I wish you all the best and send you love.I try to do a lot of talking to myself when I get negative thoughts I try to turn it around by saying don't let anyone get you down their not worth it but then again I havn't been through half as much as you have.I really struggle with FND I use crutches and sometimes a wheelchair I fall about all over the place,I have taken a few overdose because of FND ask i'm 60years old and it's getting harder to live with as I get older.TAKE CARE ❤
Keeping secrets is itself excruciating. I sometimes wish I could go back and rescue the little girl I once was. Therapy only got me so far. I really wish I could relocate but I’m on disability & barely getting by.
My symptoms are all over the place! Like you, mobility is an issue. I spent almost 10 years using a wheelchair and a cane. Crutches are so painful! I had about 3 years where I had massive improvements & was walking 5 miles/day & no longer needed my cane. I lost all that progress when I went back to my ex, who is very neglectful (long story). Now, I need to use my cane again.
I have severe nerve pain in my legs, especially my feet & it’s worse when I’m at rest. I developed a series of tics a few years ago so it appears like I have Tourette’s. They began after I started having seizures & blackouts. I suffered many head injuries from blacking out & that’s what first made me fearful about leaving my home. Things that set them off include loud sounds and light. If a siren goes off, I’m in immediate danger of losing consciousness, so living in a city, where the environment is unpredictable, is scary. Ideally, I’d live in a somewhat remote place, preferably in the mountains, surrounded by nature.
I’ve never heard of anyone else with FND having issues with skin but that’s been the hardest to tackle. I went my whole life never having allergies but a few years ago, I almost died several times from anaphylactic shock. Even an allergist couldn’t figure it out but my hair conditioner, lotions, and laundry detergents were suddenly toxic to me. Even Free & Clear detergents cause me to break out in hives. I keep an EpiPen on me. I started making my own products for skin & hair and wanted to create a real product line for people with skin/hair issues but my health is so unstable that it’s hard to bathe and cook these days.
I also lost the ability to speak clearly when I was at my sickest. That’s improved but when I’m under stress, it comes back. I barely sleep. Anywhere from 45 mins-4 hours a day is typical. Funny thing is, I never get sleepy. I don’t understand it. My last doctor thought it was my thyroid. My PTSD had taken hold at that point and I never got it checked.
I’m SO sorry for the lengthy response! My symptoms are vast & I never have any idea what I’m going to go through, hour to hour. Managing symptoms is a full-time job for me. You know, I don’t come on this site often but maybe we can direct message each other? I’d love to keep chatting with you!
Please don't worry about the lengthy post I honestly don't mind,i'm very hypersensitive to noise and I've had to live with people above me for years which has been very hard for me especially because they've got wooden floors i'm moving house soon because I went to a mental health and told them that I couldn't live below someone any longer as it was affecting my mental health, I also spoke to an MP both the mental health and MP contacted the council so now i'm moving in to a bungalow I can't wait.My symptoms are problems swallowing,numb legs,chronic pain from head to toe involuntary movements, memory and concentration problems,various sensations in my legs that drive me crazy,and neck and facial ticks which I get very embarrassed about.This is none of my business but I hope that your getting the highest rate of care and mobility,there is also a disability premium that you can get added to WAS if you get higher mobility and live in yours own.I don't want to know your business so don't feel that you have to explain anything to me about your benefits.I live in my own which I do prefer but I have 3 friends that phone me all the time so I can have a good moan to them one of them takes me out once a week I hate going out because I suffer from dissociation and most of the time I havn't got a clue what's going on around me. If your not getting the full benefits I was thinking that if you could try to contact welfare rights they are good at helping with benefits and maybe that would give you more money to try to move.I know it won't be easy by any means because of what your having to cope with and most days it's bloody difficult even trying to get out your bed and have breakfast,and with depression it's very hard to get motivated that's how I feel anyway.You could also contact an advocate who would come to your house and help you to communicate with relevant people that could possibly help you in some way.I would love nothing more than to see a post saying that things are changing for you for the better.If I stayed near you I would have tried to make sure that you weren't lonely but you probably wouldn't trust me which is understandable after what you've been through.I honestly don't know how you cope on your own.Please try to stay strong I know it's hard i'm thinking about you and praying that good things will come your way. TAKE CARE SENDING HUGS X
Only able to scan your response right now because my eyes hurt but I wanted to say despite my traumatic past, I fight the urge to completely give up on the good in people. I trust my perceptions and believe I’m a pretty good judge of character and I think you have a beautiful spirit! We’ll talk more later!
I hope your migraine doesn't last to long I'm going for an MRI in my brain due to new symptoms i'm also moving house in a weeks time bloody murder when your in so much pain and feel weak.I will give you peace until you feel better but you can contact me anytime if you want to talk.I will email you at some point with my email address as I don't want to put it on the website .TAKE CARE X
Take your time getting back to me. Moving is the absolute worst under the best conditions! You’ll need to conserve as much energy as you can & I’m sorry you’re not feeling better right now. Hope your MRI provides you with some answers. I also hope you have all the help you’ll need to get it done-the move. Hugs!!!🤗
Thanks for your reply.X
I was trying to find out if there was an option for me to talk to you personally but I don't think there is.
Good morning Prosaic -one,I hope you have as good a day as possible,i've just managed to pull myself out of bed after lying there for about and hour or waiting for my legs to work and the stiffness and weakness in my body to ease of a bit before I could get up.Iv'e got a few things that's needing done and I really don't have the energy to do it.I would have given you my phone number if I could so that you had someone to talk to but it says don't give anyone your personal details.I'm quite a caring person I would help anybody if I can,I'm a good listener I don't like hearing about people suffering on there own especially to the extent you are and I can't do anything to help.I don't know how I would cope if I didn't have my friends phoning me.Anyway i'm thinking about you I need to get myself moving take care.X
The past few days have been really rough on me too…that’s why the delayed response. I’m fighting a migraine right now so my eyes are too sensitive to read every line, but I will come back later to do so! I’m in the US and by your speech, it sounds like you’re from the UK, so I don’t know if I could actually afford to call you! 😄 But my email is keli.etowah@gmail.com. I really would like to chat more. I’ll be back later to check in & read responses. For now, let’s all take care and talk soon! 💕
Hi prosaic one it's greenbeens, how have you been doing,hope you've not been suffering to much I've b feeling like a total zombie with this dizziness really struggling to concentrate and function it like i'm constantly spaced out it's my 60 th birthday and I hadn't done anything to celebrate it I didn't see the point as I wouldn't have enjoyed it died to pain and fatigue.Hope you are wellw.X
Aww Happy Belated Birthday!! I’ve been a mess lately, filling out paperwork to prove (once a year) that I’m still disabled. With the nightmare that has taken over the White House, there’s a very real possibility I’ll lose my healthcare and my food benefits. I haven’t been sleeping. I got the flu and as always, it worsened my symptoms. Paralysis in my legs is back so I’m basically living in bed.
I’m sorry you didn’t get to enjoy your birthday. 60’s a milestone! I haven’t celebrated mine in well over a decade. It’s my least favorite day of the year, mainly because my father has always forgotten his kids even have birthdays. My aunt & grandma (his sister & mom) have birthdays within days of mine and he throws them elaborate parties the whole family’s invited to except me. Every year. I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed any holiday because of my family.
As for you though (and most), birthdays are important and I wish you’d been able to celebrate. The constant dizziness/vertigo is absolutely disorienting. I’m sorry it’s a symptom that’s sticking around for you. Did you move into your new home?? I hope that was able to go to plan, at least. New beginnings are always nice. I really hope you can start feeling better soon. ❤️
Hi Prosaic one sorry to hear that you've been stuck in bed hope your feeling a bit better.I really hope that you don't lose your medical care and food vouchers,I detest that ar£eh%le trump I don't understand why people want him as president he's a nasty piece of work and not right in the head.Thanks for wishing me a happy birthday I feel old now.Sorry to hear that your family don't acknowledge your birthday that's sad😶Good luck with the paperwork that you have to do what a nightmare when your head feels empty and you can't think about what you want to write,I havn't had to do paperwork for 9 years I got diagnosed and my benefits have continued on since then.At the moment my legs are knackered I was out for 2 hours I don't even know how I managed to get out the house,have you managed to get out atall? I've got new symptoms that are driving me crazy iv'e started rocking back and forwards and at the same time getting a weird wave feeling going through my body,I think i'm losing the plot lol,have you had any different symptoms lately.I hate this condition things are getting harder as I get older and some of the stupid things I say without thinking is embarrassing.Well you take care and all the best with everything.X
Hey lady! Yes, I think I’m completely over the flu now. I made pork chops & asparagus for dinner last night so I’m feeling like I accomplished something! The paperwork I have to fill out is stressful every year, feeling like I might be on the chopping block. I don’t have full disability, but what is called SSI, which is what you get when you haven’t paid enough in taxes to qualify for the full benefits. I became disabled when I was 28 & just going back to college. Had I worked for another 10 years, I would’ve qualified for full disability. I don’t think I’d have to go through this if I did.
The monster in office could very well leave me homeless & I now live in a state of panic & can’t say I’ve really slept since he took office. This country is disgraceful.
Your rocking back & forth, it’s something I did when my vertigo was bad. Confused everyone around me but because it felt like everything around me was always moving whenever I turned my head, the rocking helped stabilize me. That’s honestly the absolute worst symptom I’ve had & I’m sorry you’re experiencing it. My newest symptoms are a severe sensitivity to light, especially when the sun rises. The motor tics start up & last for hours. It hurts in a way I can’t even explain to myself. Cloudy days are my favorite.
I think you maybe mentioned before that you experience dissociation? I do as well & with my anxiety on the rise due to the threat of losing my benefits, I find myself slipping into these states more frequently. It’s really affecting my cognitive abilities, which is why I’m not online consistently.
I used to be a writer & ever since my cognition was affected, I haven’t read one book. It feels like dyslexia sometimes, as if the letters are symbols I have to decipher. This keeps me in a state of mourning. I never had much in life except my intellect, creativity & ability to lose myself in literature. Today, it’s like my IQ is being siphoned off and it’s destroyed my motivation. I was also a singer/songwriter and my guitar is just a dust magnet now. When people tell me to lean on the things that make me happy, I explain that I can no longer do those things.
I’m planning on starting up my deck top garden again soon though! I come from a gardening family & having my hands in the soil makes me feel whole. I let my plants die last summer out of depression. I’m trying to pull myself out.
I haven’t left the apartment in 2 years now, from PTSD & developed a fear of people. I just made a Dr. appointment for July. I’m super anxious about it but I’m hoping to be able to get out before then so it won’t be such a shock to my system when the day arrives.
I’ve always been introverted but I never could’ve imagined this would be my existence. It feels like I took a walk through a forest & lost myself. I exited and realized I was missing half of my soul. I don’t know how to get her back.
Ya know I was just rereading your comment and caught the part where you said you say some of the stupidest things. This is something I struggle with. I attributed it to my PTSD but social graces are now a challenge for me. I find it nearly impossible to lie these days. Gentle lies I always told, to protect the other person’s feelings. Everything just comes out super direct now and I have trouble timing my responses to people because I don’t want to say the wrong thing. Sometimes I say weird things I don’t actually think or believe. It feels like there are compartments in my brain that used to work in sync but they’ve forgotten how to communicate with each other. Some steps get missed & it’s at its worse when I’m stressed, in severe pain, or exhausted. I sometimes repeat the last thing I said.
I’ve had people give me strange looks & even when they know I have a neurological disorder, they lead with judgement, as if I’m stupid. My mother does this the most…which makes me think she’s not very bright. If you know someone who’s extremely well-spoken and all of a sudden, they have trouble piecing together a sentence, isn’t that a clear sign something else is going on?
You have explained how I feel better than me I feel I'm not not very good at this,yes I've always wondered if other people repeat themselves I say just about everything twice I also constantly try to tell myself don't say this and don't say that but it never works it always end up coming out growl growl lol I'll get myself hung one of these days.As for you saying do you not think something else is going on I totally agree with you.There's people on this website that do a lot of research in to FND and believe we can get better but I can't bring myself to believe it.(I'M NOT BRINGING ANYBODY DOWN HERE.) I'm sorry for saying this but your mum doesn't seem like a very nice person I stopped talking to mine for the same reason.I write things down when I go to appointments because I was forgetting what I wanted to say my mind goes blank and I end up asking the person what's I was talking about and even that doesn't help.People just see the disabling side of FND but by god they don't know how much we suffer in ours head.Take care.X
Oh yeah, I get everything you’re saying! Regarding my mother, she’s extremely narcissistic and sees my illness as a crutch or an excuse to gain attention. I’m uncomfortable with direct attention so her perception of me makes zero sense. My dad’s not great either but you’d think a mother would have compassion for her child, ya know?
Regarding the belief that we can heal the FND, I’m with you. Feels permanent to me & in my opinion, it seems autoimmune. I was able to overcome many symptoms for 2 years but it took a TON of work that was immediately undone when I moved into my apartment. It was too much of a physical strain on me & I’ve been back at the drawing board ever since. It’s been 17 years for me and I had 2 healthy years. It is absolutely getting harder to fight with each passing year. Other issues like arthritis make everything harder. Hey, did you ever move into your new place?
Sorry meantIME to pain
That weird the last thing I said to my mum was,she is as a narcissistic evil ba@ta&d,she didn't believe that me and my sister were abused she called us liars but when my dad died she had the nerve to ask me what happened how evil is that,she was always causing arguements and blaming it on me and my 2 boy's were believing her,she would say something then deny it and always try to make me feel stupid I hate her.I ended up not moving I packed everything up and then decided I was just going to stay where I am. Since having this condition I've noticed that I sometimes do a sentence back to front so I always have to go over what I write and change it.I don't know how any parent can be nasty to their child my boy's were my life when they were younger I brought them up on my own,by god I struggled because I had fibromyalgia at a young age so any energy I had went on my house being clean and my boys being well looked after.I need to go to my bed i'm trying to type with one eye open and one eye shut.I hope you manage to get out before your appointment even just a little step at time.I hate going out I told a psychiatrist that I feel like I don't fit in to this world when I go out,well i'm of to bed if you send another I message i will read it tomorrow.Take care.
I’m so sorry to read your stories. I’m currently reading The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel van de Kolk and finding it enormously helpful in understanding the physical manifestations of my own PTSD. Sending peace and best wishes x
I’ve had that book recommended to me so many times but always seem to forget to look for it! I’m gonna screen shot this so I’ll find it later. Thank you for your show of support. Means a lot. It can be difficult to distinguish between the PTSD symptoms and FND, as one seems to feed the other. I hope you’re doing well! ❤️
Temperature sensory changes FND symptom? Confused!
Coping With New Diagnosis
??FND v Ischemic Stroke??
Greenbeens
I’m done but in a good way
