So, I'm 3 months out of surgery (radical retropubic prostatectomy), and just received my first evaluation of my most recent blood draw...to bring everyone up to speed with my specifics,
56 year old, no family history of any kind of cancer, excellent state of general health and physical condition (152 lbs.) not presenting any "early" warning signs or symptoms prior to diagnosis...my cancer was found during my routine annual physical exam when my blood work revealed an increase in my PSA from 3.9 to 5.9..... from 10 biopsy samples, 3 were positive for cancer, 3 were suspect, but inconclusive , my gleason score was a 3+4 (7) ...after surgery, pathology indicated my lymph nodes were clear, and my margins were clear, no signs of any cancer outside of the prostate....my PSA is currently 0.009....
Incontinence is all but non-existant , good flow, good duration, only a drop or two will leak out if I do something like force myself to pass gas, impotence is improving, I have blood flow, but still nothing "usable" in terms of an erection. I've tried Viagra, couldn't tell it made any difference, my doctor tells me I'm being impatient and too hard on myself...it's just going to take some time....I still think in terms of me healing like I was 18, but my body keeps reminding me that I'm not...that's the most frustrating part for me, goes against my nature...
So, all in all, I don't have much, if anything to complain about, I'm like the poster child for "early" detection...seems as if everything couldn't have worked out any better for me, if I had to have a cancer experience...so why do I feel so guilty???
I hesitate to say anything, or share my experience, because so much of what I read is so completely opposite of my case...so many men are NOT having the results that I have, I feel guilty sometimes (most of the time) about talking about my journey with cancer, I don't want to come off as a braggart , when so many other men are dealing with much more difficult struggles related to their prostate cancer...
but then I am reminded of how I felt , when this whole "cancer" thing was new to me, the not knowing whats next, or how things would work out, or what to expect, I read books, did research on the inter web , almost made me more depressed, then I came across this group, a place where we are all going through the same thing, I began to read some of the experiences of others here, many of them seemed to be very hopeless, as I read, I felt as though, shit, if it's this bad, why bother???....but then cancer wins, and as I mentioned, that goes against my nature, I'm a highly competitive individual, I can't stand to loose at anything...so, I share my story, and experience here, so that others that find their way here, as newcomers to the family of "cancer" patients, find that there is hope, there are cases where the outcome can be very good, and that where your "mind" is, during your treatment process, can be as important as any treatment you may be receiving....
A good friend of mine told me not to think of my cancer as a "battle"....but rather to think of it as a journey , that tends to put your mind at a state of ease, and clarity, as opposed to being in a fight, ragging against a disease....he was right, at least for me...
I can only hope , and pray, that through my journey, someone else, new to the family of cancer patients, can find hope, and the courage to put one foot in front of the other, and begin their own journey.