Try this...

Say out loud 'I accept myself as I am today' and then listen to your internal response. What thoughts/feelings follow you saying that?

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My husband and I have decided together we are like strawberries.

Strawberries are great just as they are.

If we add cream, ice cream or sugar in the form of a long awaited little one, then that will be amazing.

If not, then we are still strawberries

PS I love cream, ice cream and sugar

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I love that! Many people have a negative response, that inside they don't believe it.

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If i be honest at the moment when i say that out loudly it makes me upset because i am not ready to accept that i may never have kids. I I can't seem to be able to accept myself presently.

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Oh hope

It's so so hard but you have to see that it's no one's fault whatever happens.

No one here has chosen to need, want Ivf . God we'd be wierd if we did.

It's an option with no guarantees, as you know. That's where the hard but for me has been.

I believe that if you do everything you can, you should see results, and in Ivf, it's not the case.

Many are doing and have done everything in their power to be mummys and daddys but it is no guarantee.

I spoke to our embryologist who said if this FET fails they will look at sperm fragmentation etc, that many things affect it. Naming lifestyle among one of them.

I pulled him up. After spending 4 months with crushing guilt thinking my eggs are crap, I wasn't going to let him make my hubby feel crap too.

The fact is we are healthy, never smoked, don't drink, never took drugs, are active, not overweight, married and ridiculously in love.

The infertility we are battling isn't anyone's fault.

Even if the problem is mine or his what difference does it make? The end result is the same.

You have to believe in yourself with or without kiddies.

I know you and I would be great mummys, our partners amazing daddys and no it's not fair if we don't get the chance, but remember..... It's noones fault.

Pull together, love yourself and each other and we will get through this knowing either way, we did all we could do.

Faith helps, and makes it hard. I pray God will let me be a mummy. I fight as I'm not OK if his plan isn't the same as mine.

So I pray, and I hope, and I pray, to get me through this.

Sorry to be long winded

I wish all the people on this site luck and love whatever our future brings.

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Hi hop36, I am sorry to hear this. For me acceptance is not about giving up. Acceptance is about accepting you are OK in this moment, it is not about giving up.

I did a blog post on acceptance here you may find interesting:

thefertilemind.net/acceptan...

x

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Hi! thank you so much, i had a read and and i could see how it make sense. And you right, i sometimes allow my mind to run away on negative thoughts about the future when am feeling low. It so difficult to stay positive all the time. thank you!

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It is, because our thinking is habitual. So, when it happens self compassion is the name of the game. When it happens you are responding from child-like thinking out of habit, so give yourself compassion as you would a small child. Often we get frustrated without ourselves and the situation and resent our thoughts/feelings which just makes it worse as it makes them stronger ('what you resist persists'). So practice self compassion!

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Bless you, it so true! I have been hard on myself for not getting pregnant. It is because as a young woman i had a perfect picture in my head of me being married and having kids. It been there for a very long time because i am 38 now, still waiting for a family. I never picture myself having difficulties to fall pregnant or not being able too have children, this is why this situation is so difficult for me. With the support of my doctor and this site i am trying to change the way am thinking. You are right, i will take your advice and try to have compassion on myself. Thank you so much. take care.

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Hi! Losinghopefast77, i do appreciate you taking the time out to support me. Today have been one of my down days, i just feel fed up of trying everything without any results. I know you are so right but when i'm feeling low it difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I wish you all the best. thankyou. hope36

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Aaah hon I know, after my EC in November I reached rock bottom. I had a full blown panic attack in surgery was physically sick ( no anaesthetic in Spain. Barbaric really )

They stopped half way thru, left half of the eggs inside , I was destroyed, felt id let myself down. That it was my fault.

I was wrong, none of this is my fault, if this FET fails, it's not my fault, I think those who keep going time after time are super women.

Where do they get the emotional strength????

I have decided to put a time limit in it, my time limit. If by Christmas I'm still no further, I have to give up and be kind to me.

Life will go on. Differently but it will go on, my husband supports me and said we can stop anytime.

I will use my 3 "free" tries and that's it xx

Be kind to you

You are fabulous, just as you are

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Thank you so much!

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Hi i know this was posted a year ago but I need to comment, Me and my husband are just about to start the lovely journey of ivf but all along we have made it clear, for any reason un be known to us that it dose not work, that is ok, we are happy content and very lucky to be as happy, real and connected as we are so this sad news will not affect the happy life we already have it just closes a chapter that hasn't started. This means we can start a new chapter that is in our control and carry on being happy xx